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19Jennifer Lawrence Didn’t Do All That Well on ‘SNL’

Some might say that it’s safe to say she completely bombed, and hey. Just in time for the Oscars, too.

Couple questions and comments I have for Jennifer girl and ‘SNL’ at large:

—That opening monologue. Oh God. There might as well have been someone standing three feet in front of her, prompting her to read off a card. Awkward.

—Second, I don’t really get why it was OK to trash the other Oscar nominees in a skit that … well, gosh, it just wasn’t all that funny.

—Last. I know we kind of said this already, but that was just horrible. Horrible.

… Somewhere, Lindsay Lohan snickers through her cocaine-snorting, choking on the powder and hocking up a big loog. She spits it out and calls it “Jennifer Lawrence,” adding it to the expansive loog collection that she has and features loogs called “Amanda Bynes” and “Paris Hilton.”

January 21, 2013 at 9:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Jennifer Lawrence

0theAMlinks

photo of amanda bynes pictures
Yes, Amanda Bynes is very important. [The Superficial]

More reasons that Lance Armstrong is a big, flaming bag of dicks. [Lainey Gossip]

Amanda Peet’s sick sense of humor. [Yeeeah]

Katy Perry’s real appropriate performing at the Kids’ Inauguration Concert. [Starpulse]

Fit meal plan & photos. [theBERRY]

Lindsay’s really good at sucking. [The Superficial]

Scarlett Johansson’s successful “opening.” Ha. [Lainey Gossip]

Kim Kardashian’s dropping in on orphanages now. [Cele|bitchy]

Bertny Speers still can’t sign her own checks. [Bohomoth]

Khloe Kardashian’s happier when she’s heavier, which is the complete opposite of what she was saying last month. [Amy Grindhouse]

6 Different Types of Penis Names. [The Frisky]

What have you got to smile about, girl, huh? [Splash]

Best celebrity Twitpics of the week. [Socialite Life]

PHOTO: Guess the celebrity cleavage! [Celebslam]

Lupe Fiasco thrown offstage for bashing the President. [Bossip]

Kristen Stewart is photogenic. [The Blemish]

Scarlett Johansson is teeny-tiny. [IDLYITW]

Ben Affleck’s daughters should win a cute award. [I'm Not Obsessed]

Yeah, because that’s not creepy at all. [TooFab]

‘The Voice’: Blind Auditions. [Hollywood PQ]

January 21, 2013 at 8:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Links Links Links

2Love It or Leave It: Matthew McConaughey Goes Grey

photo of matthew mcconaughey sundance pictures
Oh man, doesn’t Matthew McConaughey look so, so much better with skin and fat cells? Because seriously, Matthew McConaughey looks so, so much better with skin and fat cells—there’s just no denying it. I’m really relieved that his method acting for ‘The Dallas Buyer’s Club’ has finally come to an end, and now he can start putting weight back on and looking even more normal. Good things happening all around here.

This is Matthew at the Sundance Film Festival over the weekend, and not only is he looking healthier, he’s looking more real, too. No more fake gold hairlets growing from atop his skull—no, Matthew went and cut his hair and what was left over? Well, a whole lot of grey, and I have to say: it totally suits him and makes him hotter. Now, boy, if he’d just go on and put on another twenty or thirty or forty pounds, he’d be, like, all sorts of ohmygod-kind of gorgeous.

Love it or leave it: Matthew McConaughey’s return to his roots?

View Results
January 21, 2013 at 7:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Matthew McConaughey

2Chris Brown Has a New (?) Girlfriend (?)

photo of chris brown and some chick pictures
Who is this chick? And why is she in bare feet? Doesn’t she see all the oil spots on the road from all of the dirty, loud cars? Or maybe they’re not oil spots at all. No, maybe all those spots are spit, and Chris Brown spit to boot. I can see Chris Brown being a nasty, foul spitter-all-over-the-place(r). That’s about par for the course when it comes to him and his disgusting behaviors.

No, but really, Rihanna and Karreuche are probably going to be totally pissed about all this. See, this chick here? This blonde girl? Well, she just happened to be leaving the same club on the same night as Chris Brown, and instead of hopping in her cab, which was parked next to Chris’s car (not pictured), she opted for hopping in onto Chris lap, much to his apparent glee. The girl eventually returned to her waiting taxi, but not before angling for a photo opportunity with … well, you-know-who (not Voldemort).

Why, though, will Rihanna and Karreuche be all pissed, like I said? Well, because they’re not going to believe that this blonde chick was just a rando, and an innocent rando at that (let me rephrase: an innocent rando with poor, poor taste). No, they’re totally going to believe that Chris took this chick home and banged the daylights out of her, because that’s what Chris and his schlong do best—bang the daylights out of women. Oh, and his fists, too. His fists do that as well.

January 21, 2013 at 6:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Chris Brown

4Selena Gomez Did Nylon. FOR YOU.

photo of selena gomez pictures nylon pic
Oh Selena. Little, cutesy Selena Gomez who’s, what, the female equivalent of Justin Bieber? Sure looks to be in this cover photo for Nylon magazine, but you didn’t hear that from me, no.

Girlfriend sat and did an interview with the magazine, where she talked about her BFF (Taylor Swift!), on love, and on being a “good” girl.

Here’s Selena on Taylor:

We both experienced the same things at the same time. But we’ve never once talked about our industry. She just became the person I’d go to for an issue with my family or boyfriend. It’s so hard to trust girls, so I’m lucky to have her.

… Oh my God, she goes to Taylor Swift for boyfriend advice? I can’t even, guys. I just can’t. Ask Michael J. Fox. He knows what he’s talking about.

Selena on her personal life:

I’m having fun. At the end of the day, love is such a normal thing, and everyone deals with it. Just because it’s a different lifestyle doesn’t change the meaning of what I’ve been raised on, which is fairy tales.

(There’s the Taylor Swift talking there—I’m just saying).

Selena on being photographed all the time:

I think the paparazzi are over me because I’m so boring. I get to Topanga Mall and they’re like, “Why is she back at the same place?”

On Spring Breakers:

It was my first audition in years. I definitely felt that with my first stepping-out role, I should choose something that I could understand a little more. I was really nervous, but Harmony took a chance with me. He said, “You live in this bubble, and I’m going to take you out of it, but you have to trust me.”

And on never actually having a Spring Break:

I don’t think I’ve even had a spring break. I had to have someone show me how to hold a cigarette. Harmony [Korine, director of Spring Breakers] was like, “It’s good that you don’t know. Maybe that’s a character trait!”

Oh yes. Not knowing how to hold a cigarette isn’t complete oblivious idiocy or anything, it’s a “character trait.” Sure.

Isn’t this little girl just so darling? Isn’t she, like, the perfect, dark-haired, pop-singing version Taylor Swift? Of course she is, guys. Of course.

January 18, 2013 at 12:30 pm by Sarah
Filed Under: Selena Gomez

12James Deen Was Really, Really Nice to Lindsay Lohan

photo of lindsay lohan and james deen on the set of the canyons pictures
So James Deen, AKA the porn star that Lindsay Lohan starred alongside in ‘The Canyons’, did this interview with The Daily Beast, whether in an effort to dispel the Lindsay Lohan is a Menace rumors that were perpetuated by the New York Times writeup, or because I don’t know, he had nothing better to do. I’m going to guess it was the second thing, because last I checked, Lindsay Lohan is a Menace.

Here’s what James had to say about the salacious NYT writeup that painted Lindsay Lohan a bitchy, difficult boozehound with no regard for human life:

I actually just ran into the writer [Stephen Rodrick], and he fully agreed with my description. I describe it as, “Accurate events reflected in the mirror and then retold for dramatic effect.” There’s a portion in it where he says I’m lonely because I didn’t have any friends visit me on set. But I just feel it’s unprofessional to invite your friends to “the office.” If I’m working at McDonald’s, I don’t invite my friends over to watch me flip burgers. But that’s a good example of the entire article. It’s an accurate depiction of the events that occurred, but told in a way to make the story more compelling.

What James actually thinks about Lindsay herself:

I thought the whole experience was really fantastic. Right now, there’s audio circulating on TMZ of her cursing me out on set. That came out the day after the Times article came out painting her as unprofessional, and I think [the audio] was released by her camp to try and make her look good. Two hours before that, I told her I was doing this film for my own self-gratification—as something exciting and new—and I think she took it the wrong way, as an affront to her profession and as I was just there to hang out. But that whole situation was defused by her taking a time-out and me talking to her and explaining what I meant.

Lindsay saying she’s always “getting bruised and hit all the time” and I’m like what?:

The scene was a fight scene between me and Lindsay, and the crew wanted it to be faked for insurance purposes, but Lindsay wanted it to be real and to feel the pain. She said, “No, it’s fine! I get bruised and hit all the time!” So I was going half-speed during rehearsals, but Lindsay likes to go all-out, so Paul was just acting it out, and she was like, “Cool! Now I can feel it and act it out.”

Hm. How is this guy—this guy who gets paid for porking low-budget chicks; this guy who’s lesser than Lindsay Lohan in a movie—so well-spoken? And so, dare I say it … likable? Can someone shed some light on this for me?

January 18, 2013 at 11:30 am by Sarah