Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Maggie Gyllenhaal to Star in a Movie About Vibrators

Taylor Momsen must be pissed she wasn’t offered this role.

It was just announced that Maggie Gyllenhaal has been cast in Hysteria, a film set in the Victorian era that focuses on the invention of the vibrator.

Maggie will be playing the daughter of a doctor who invents a new, vibrating cure for hysteria. Yes, that’s totally actually how vibrators were invented. To treat hysteria. Little did they realize, they’d also cure boredom, loneliness and the desire to sleep with people who generally gross you out so you can get some Goddamn play.

That should be good. Hope her brother makes one about the invention of the butt plug next. Did I go to far?

15 CommentsLeave a comment

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  • “Hope her brother makes one about the invention of the butt plug next.”

    Molls, that made me die. Hahahahaha.

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  • Is it just me, or did our dearest Maggie just age 15 years over night? This photo is not her best — and I hope to be the worst ever more.

    • i’ve noticed lately that actresses that seem to *age overnight* are really just making very poor makeup choices. whether it’s their stylists or themselves to blame, it seems that women who start to develop little crows’ feet (as is perfectly natural) need to LAY OFF THE BLACK EYELINER (cameron diaz, i’m lookin’ at YOU!). pair that with ruby lips, and you end up looking more like Hatchet-face than Marion Cotillard.

      the “mom hair” isn’t doing her any favors, either.

  • Whoever writes these articles, ie whoever works for this website, are complete dickheads. Seriously, you guys are the only superficial ones, and all those cheap shots all you cowards fish out, you guys need a good shattering of all your fucking teeth.

    Fucking wimps.