Another Celebrity Rider: Nicki Minaj

Wouldn’t it be great if you and I could devise our own riders, so that the stuff we love to death would follow us practically wherever we go? Grocery store shopping: sure, but I gotta have my rider. The obligatory in-law visit. OK: but the rider’s contents better be in place when I get there. Nicki Minaj – who would strike me as the Mariah Carey-type and want sequined couches and animal-print throw rugs and imported-from-India incense or whatever all over the place – has a rider that’s actually pretty normal, and chock-full of reasonable stuff (like bacon and eggs and fruit). Here’s Nicki’s rider, providing the meals and the space for her and a group of her 4-6 person entourage:

2 dozen pink or white roses and 3 large ‘Baked Goods-scented’ candles
Hot Tea setup with lemon wedges, sugar and honey. Must include teacups, saucers, spoons and napkins and decaffeinated Lipton Tea bags
2 packs Halls lemon honey drops and 3 packs of Thayers Slippery Elm lozenges (three different flavors)
Contact lenses solution with case, 2 Space Heaters – VERY IMPORTANT – and a cool mist humidifier
3 packs of gum in 3 different flavors
24 bottles of Dasani Water (12 room temperature, 12 on ice)
12 cans of Red Bull (6 room temp, 6 iced)
12 bottles of Martinelli’s Apple Juice (6 room temp, 6 iced)
24 bottles of Snapple, 12 must be Lemon Ice Tea, 12 other assorted flavours
Singer’s Saving Grace throat spray
2 large bottles of assorted fruit juices and one gallon of Simply Lemonade – please supply one small tub of clean ice and cups for drinks.
Egg Whites (scrambled hard), Turkey Bacon (fried hard), white toast (grape and strawberry jelly/jam). Belgian Waffles (syrup, powdered sugar, whipped cream, butter and strawberries on side) Enough to serve 4 people
1 Large Fruit platter with side of mango and 1 Large Cheese platter
3 twelve piece buckets of fried chicken spicy – no thighs, lots of wings
A deli tray with turkey breast meat, grilled chicken breast, whole wheat bread or rolls, yellow mustard and other condiments (seasoned salt, hot sauce), plates, forks, spooks, knives, napkins and straws (enough for six people)
Salad – Iceberg lettuce, sliced tomatoes, sliced cucumbers, green olives, Wishbone Light Italian dressing, Bumble Bee tuna in water, wheat or low Fat crackers
Carrots and Dip
Cranberries (dried), almonds (raw- not roasted)
One set of fine silverware/stainless steel silverware

Hm. So I guess if I had to make up a rider (and wouldn’t that just be terrible), mine would include things like gourmet-quality dark roast coffee – ground on the premises, fresh half and half, turbinado sugar, ceramic coffee mugs, a few bottles of Beaujolias Nouveau wine, spring water (except for Deer Park, because that garbage tastes like piss), Fritos, ready-to-eat spaghetti and meatballs, Dagoba Chai organic chocolate bars, and probably something really pain-in-the-ass like lavender-colored 1600 thread-count sheets and pillowcases, four goose down pillows, and a goose down comforter so I could sleep for a full eight hours after ingesting all of that food. Yes.

Hm. I guess I’d be a diva-bitch, too, if I could get my hands on my favorite things at someone else’s whim. What would be on your rider?