This review is, as always, in good fun. It is not attacking the character of the person or even their own appearance. It’s just about the dress. And maybe the hair. Or make up. You know what? Just don’t read it if you’re sensitive.
Let’s see what here. In no particular order….
This is a comically dramatic pose we’ve caught Cynthia Erivo in here, but that’s the only thing funny about it. This dress is serious business. This Thom Brown sequin number is precisely tailored to Cynthia and she looks tremendous for it. Boobs are on point, girl.
Awkwafina is my new favorite person. She’s so funny and rough around all the right edges. Her dress, however, is something out of an 1860’s funeral. Forgive me, House of Dior.
Beanie Feldstien is the ‘It Girl’ of the moment and she’s earning that big time in this Oscar de la Renta dress with a slight shimmer to it. Love the leafy off the shoulder and the braided crown on her head. Really lovely.
Scarlett Johansson and Colin Jost look like a Hallmark Channel movie poster. That’s all I got to say. It’s all good.
Killing Eve star Jodie Comer is unknown to me. I thought it was Margo Robbie with blonde hair. This dress is just… un-ok… if there is such a thing? Like I don’t want to burn it, but it’s … and it’s Mary Katrantzou, who is one of my favorite designers… No. I can’t allow this. And like linen, that sating shows every wrinkle.
Natashia Lyonne. This is a throw back. Though not necessarily in a good way. The top half of this dress is a parade float. But Natashia has been through some real hard times and she looks great, so good for her.
Toni Collette has been a favorite actor of mine for a long time (check out ‘Clockwatchers’, you wont regret it). That said, a fashionista she is not. I don’t know who made this Roma Gypsy looking thing, but it’s a bit much.
You could not convince me there’s a good reason for ‘The Real’ host Jeannie Mai to be at the Globes. That said, Thank you for coming because you Elisabetta Franchi pantsuit is uhmaaaazing. All Givenchy looking and fancy. It’s a little tight in the crotch, but these days men aren’t allowed to look below the neck anyway, so have at it.
Joey King was in Netflix’s “The Act”. Some of you might not care for this dress, but this is an Iris van Herpen and all of Iris’ dresses are architectural works of art. I could probably pick 10 more from this season I prefer over this, but it doesn’t matter. That’s like saying “oh you have THAT Picasso? meh.”
I’m not usually on board with Amy Pohlers choice of award gown, but this works for me. She just loves that rectangular frame from a dress and I’m not sure why. I could do without the witches belt, but all in all the green sparkle is flattering on her.
I’m just playin. Anna Paquin looks every bit as confused as I am with this …. this. For starters, yes I know there are no rules in fashion anymore, but there are rules in fashion. Get over it. Buy a clutch. And I can’t even with the dress. Again, my apologies to the folks at Dior.
Yes, this photo is larger. That’s because the dress is awesome. Cate Blanchette always fucking brings it. The dress is Mary Katrantzou and it so damn interesting. The shape it creates, the fanning, the sequin encrusted breast plates. It’s high fashion and I love it.
Well well well. look who’s making their red carpet debut? Rachel Bilson and Bill Hader! I love velvet suits on a man. Great job. Rachels dress (Brock Collection) is moody and a bit unkempt, but I like it. I like the lace bodice. But seriously with the hair, girl. It’s a no for me.
Gugu Mbatha-Raw has quickly become one of my people to look for. This Gucci dress may not be for everyone, but I love it. Like she’s literally in a solid gold dress. I DO think it could be longer.
Busy Phillipps looks ready to party. Busy isn’t there as a nom, she’s there to support BFF Michelle Williams. Which… would you ever have hooked those two up as best friends? Michelle’s so quiet and “cover your mouth when you giggle” like. And Busy’s so electric and soooo…. “Realizes there’s a cigarette in the beer, finishes it anyway” like.
Chartreuse isn’t anyone’s color. So I can’t fault her entirely. But no. To all of it.
Dakota Fanning is 25 years old. This should have stopped 12 years ago. The dress is adorable… nay, perfection, if you’re Glenda the Good Witch or a 9 year old flower girl. Embrace your 20’s, dear. Before you know it you’ll be considered too old to wear the really cool stuff.
Whatever, it’s Ellen. She’s perfect and the suit is amazing and hysterical people who save animals and promote kindness are the embodiment of all of my aspirations, so what’s not for me to love.
It’s Glenn Close. She’s 72 and maintains perfect posture. She’s already won, people.
Jen Aniston is always safe and elegant with her looks. And hey, it works for her. Also, way to redeem yourself, Dior.
BTW, I 100% think her and Brad did it last night after the show.
Haaaooooo….. Gwyneth Paltrow in Fendi… I’ll tell you why this makes me mad. I JUST said last week “you don’t see Fendi anymore.” (yes, I say dumb shit like that in real life) But this is hardly the return I was looking for. She looks like she got caught up in some fishing nets. Naturally, I’m jealous because Gwyn will likely live, and look this way, till she’s 112.
Stop it. Not one single day in my life have I looked this good. Helen Mirren is a genetic implausibility that you won’t see again for 100 years. She’s also in Dior (damn Dior, save a little for the rest) and she’s utter perfection.
I’m just dropping Henry Winkler in here because look how fun he is.
I bet you think I’m gonna hate all over JLo’s dress just because it looks like the White House Christmas tree. But I’m really not. I am considering writing a stern letter to the good people at Valentino though. All jokes aside, this is a pretty spectacular dress for a different occasion.
Damn, Kerry Washington. Hammer don’t hurt me! This Altuzarra number is like Ann Taylor meets disco bondage. Her shirt is literally a bunch of crystal knots!
AI is so life-like these days. For real tho. Lucy Boynton has so much silver on that her face actually appears silverish… wait, is her face silver? this whole thing is silly. Louis Vuitton gone and lost it’s mind.
Michelle Williams still holds top spot for best dress ever from the 2006 Oscars, but this shits a mess. I’ve rigged better out of my towels at the pool.
Bam. Phoebe Waller-Bridge in a Ralph and Russo couture suit is perfect.
WHAT am I supposed to do with this? Where should I look? Even as a woman who isn’t even in the same room with Selma, I feel like I’m harassing her. I’m just going to move on before we’re all fired.
This is the worst thing Tay tay has ever worn and that’s all I’m gonna say.
God I love this Zoe Kravitz dress from Saint Laurent. Just love. Love love love.
In conclusion… my best and worst picks are …
Cate Blanchett for best!
Anna Paquin for worst.