The red carpet at the Grammy’s isn’t where one typical turns for the elegant or haute gowns you might find on another award shows carpet. The Grammy’s aren’t like the Golden Globes or Oscars… or hell, even my own prom night in 1990. And you should know my dress was iridescent orange with a sequined bodice. So I know from a mess of a dress.
All that said, this years grammy attenders blew the doors off them all with the most ridiculous clothes I’ve seen since her majesty Bjork gave the world the Swan Dress. Somewhere in Los Angeles Bob Mackie had a hard on for 2 hours and has no idea why.
And as always, I am speaking primarily about the clothing they chose, not about anything fundamentally wrong with the people themselves.
Jill Scott. Ok, best we start with the beauty before we get to the beasts. I think Jill looks adorbs. From a fashion perspective I could do with some better tailoring with the pants, but the jacket is great, her boobs look great and the afro is the single greatest hairstyle barnone, so this is pretty well wrapped up.
Carrie Underwood: You know… I was gonna make some “Disney queen” comment about the cut and color of the dress, but honestly, I like it. I think it’s really flattering on her. Moving on.
So at first sight, I thought I was looking at an old Christina Applegate photo circa 1989. And I don’t mean that in a good way. Despite wearing what I’m told is a Tom Ford custom dress, there is nothing positive to say about a shiny, half fish scale, half feather gown. And the torso on that dress is so long it makes her still young breast appear to sag terribly.
This person goes by the name Girl Crush. I won’t look into her any further, you can do that on your own, if you’d like.
Jlo! I forget sometimes you’re around, even with your thirsty dating roster. But Jen looks very nice, as she always does. Remarkable skin on this woman. Also, and this is random, but most famous women her age have veiny ass feet from walking in monster heels all the time, but not jen jen. nothing but smooth appendages.
Sophie Beem is another name I’m just learning. She was on X Factor. And when she pictured the moment she would finally make it to the Grammy’s I know she didn’t envision herself in Elvis grade bellbottoms and a mild case of camel toe. ….And yet here we are.
Demi Lovato. Demi looks amazing. Even more amazing is she looks a hell of a lot like Demi Moore in her early days. I’m talk General Hospital days. The dress is gorgeous. Fits her perfectly. And the open front and messy hair makes her look totally savage.
Hillary Scott from Lady Antebellum look adorbs. The dress is plenty pretty and sparkly and it’s fine and all. I guess other than that, meh, actually.
I don’t even kno… hell you know what? It’s better than the ball dress. At least it’s on theme. They say she sings. And yes, I’m aware I haven’t said her name.
Now here we go. This is some crazy woman looking to get cut at an after party is what this is… Her name is Joy Villa and her pro trump dress was made by a filipino immigrant that said he wants to be supportive of the new president. But damn… my girl has all the nerve in the world.
Kat Graham. I love this dress. All of it. It screams the 70’s and the colors are great and the drape and all of it. Have at it, miss Graham.
I love Santigold. I’m a fan of her music and I guess her style, too, if this is at all representative. I love everything Gucci does and how playful it is and she looks exactly like they intended. Those shoes tho.
Ceelo – I can’t even
I’m learning all these new people! This is Rabyt. Rabyt is under your bed. Rabyt is in that creepy house down the block. Rabyt is in the corner of your basement watching you do your laundry.
Lady Gaga: Whatevs. This is like a Tuesday for her.
Whew… Don’t go quizzin’ me at the end of this, but this is Halsey. And you know what? I love it. Whatever. It’s like a revival of the look TLC wore in the Waterfalls video. But with more tits. And why not, I mean this ship sailed back with that ball gown. wait… did I miss the pun of that dress? Was that dress actually clever? I can’t think about that now.
Cassadee Pope: This is a whole lot of dress to wear and then go and do your hair and make up in the rearview mirror. I respect the idea that less is more on the jewelry end, but now you’re not wearing that thing, it’s wearing you.
Paris Jackson is so adorable. So pretty and just exudes good spirit. And I really love this dress on her. It’s sparkly and lots of colors and sexy and she deserves it. It’s also Balmain, so figure $10k.
This is Vaja. I had no idea there were so many people just going by one name! But Vaja might be that Disney evil queen I was looking for earlier. But again, fuck it. This show is off it’s rails, so if you want to pop a 9 inch collar and spin around in a cape, have at it.
Adele. My love. Member of my personal fame squad. This Givenchy dress is much more stunning than it looks here. Hold on… go to the next picture…
Hope you enjoyed the list!