I’m most certainly not a fan of Zayn Malik (nor am I of One Direction, but I like the group better than I like this dipshit’s solo efforts), but apparently he thinks he’s good enough to launch his own career outside of the band. This, despite the fact that he was put in One Direction by Simon Cowell because he wasn’t good enough to roll solo. My, how times have changed! Zayn’s here to regale us with “Pillowtalk”, a Justin Bieber/Chris Brown-inspired ditty covering topics of sex, fucking, and how much he loves fucking all night long. It’s truly… something else.
The video features him making out and getting sexy with Gigi Hadid, his rumoured girlfriend (which he denies, despite the fact that they’re attached at the genitals and have been for the past several months), and it’s all very… boring and terrible, not half because it’s by Zayn Malik of One Direction. Of all the boys to go solo, I always thought (and halfway hoped) it would have been Harry Styles first. Zayn leaving the band so he could “discover his voice” or whatever was fine, but I just hoped that we wouldn’t be subject to hearing that voice when he found it.
Well, that’s that. He’s got a full-length album coming out in March, which will probably sell like hotcakes to wistful 1D fans that are still devastated that he left the group and are desperate for any semblance of the band they once knew. I’m all for mindless pop music with a good beat, but I just think he’s an absolute tosser, as my English friends would say, and I can’t entertain a single second of him because of it. Sorry, Zayn!