If there’s one thing I hate, it’s teenagers. They’re the worst. Ever. That’s a general statement, but there’s also a particular brand of teenager that chaps my hide rawer than all the rest, and that’s the ones that think they’re mini adults. I’m sad to announce to you all that I fear Chloe Moretz is beginning to fall into that category.
“But no!” you say. “She was so good in Kick-Ass/500 Days of Summer/Let the Right One In (shitty remake – the Swedish is better!)/30 Rock/blah blah.” That may be the case, but now that she’s 15 and super into the standard teen fare – you know, driving and fashion and boys and shit – and she has tons of money on which to spend on those interests, it’s a brutal combination that is making her become tedious and really, really annoying. Not to mention the whole pretentious “I’m Chloe Grace Moretz now” three name thing. Ugh.
From Teen Vogue:
“I look back at that [Kick Ass],” says Chloë, “and I think, Wow, I see why it’s so inappropriate.” She laughs. “You know, I could be in high school right now, like any other normal fifteen-year-old girl. I’m proud to say that I made a different life for myself. I’m a businesswoman.” As we step onto the Top of the Rock observation deck, though, she transforms from a teen superstar to just another tourist. “Oh my God, I have to Instagram this,” she says, iPhone pointing toward Central Park, all of New York City at her feet. Chloë adds, “Los Angeles is fun and I’ve lived there for ten years, but there’s something about New York. I’m pretty much New York in every way.”
I mean, I get it. It could be a lot worse and she’s just a modern teen being herself and adolescence is hard to navigate, yada yada, but hear me out:
In addition to the upcoming summer blockbuster Kick-Ass 2, Chloë’s tackling a cinematic classic as the leading lady in the latest remake of Carrie, out this fall. “Carrie is the epitome of a girl who’s been broken down by others,” she explains. Nabbing the title role in the horror flick, based on the novel by Stephen King, was not seamless, according to Chloë. “When I was auditioning for Carrie, I was told, ‘Well, look, you’re too young, you’re too pretty, you’re too accomplished.’ ” After reading the book three times and doing extensive research on the part, she was determined to prove them wrong. “I love showing people I can do something that they might think I will never be able to do. Playing someone who’s happy-go-lucky and has a good life and a nice family—it’s boring for me,” she says. “Because that’s my life. I have a good family. My mom loves me. I like being challenged, playing characters that are a little messed up.”
I’m so sorry it’s so difficult for you to be so pretty, and to have a family that loves you and loads of money. Life must suck so hard with all your cashmere sweaters (she mentions them herself) and iPhone snaps. Kill me now. She does at least have some good sides to her, like caring about her education (“It’s really important to me,” she says. “I want to be able to say, ‘I’m not just an actress.’ I need to be able to say, ‘I can quit this business and go live my own life and be whoever I want to be.’ Going to college will help prevent me from being restrained or put into a box.”), I just really, really don’t want her to turn into another insufferable Hollywood asshole.
She is a pretty good actress, though.