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51So Long, Farewell

Oh guys. It’s really, really that time: my final (non-celebrity-related) post. I’m glad to say that I went out with a bang on that last John Mayer post. I mean, I guess. You know. If I could have chosen, the last celebrity-related post would have been something LeAnn Rimes/Brandi Glanville-related, but hey. It can’t always be flaccid penises and boob cutlets all the time, you know.

On that note, oh my goodness. My personal voyage with Evil Beet Gossip started off back in 2009, when I was just chomping at the bit to stop writing link exchange posts and move on to bigger things. In late 2009, I got my wish: Sasha, who is the original Evil Beet herself, had hired me as an official staff writer for Evil Beet Gossip. I thank her so, so much for taking a chance on someone like me way back then. 5,394 posts later, I leave you with this, my own personal, sentimental, and irregularly inappropriate and ill-placed advice for those to whom it might be applicable: never stop moving forward. Seriously. No matter what life throws at you—good or bad—just never stop moving forward. Go after what you want, but be so, so thankful for what you have in the meantime.

That, of course, brings me to be so, so thankful for all of you guys, because many of you are so, so wonderful. I’d like to call a few of you out, here, so be prepared:

evilbeetdouche. You were one of my very first allies on Evil Beet, and I’m eternally grateful to you. You stuck by my side when there was that weird transition where everyone and not just some people hated me, and by the way? I think I know who you really are! BOOM. ;)

Chaz! Oh Chaz. You know where I’m going, because we go way back like that, and I hope you’ll come and stir the shit in the new joint, too. Also, please, please bring guest with you. It just won’t be the same.

Mireee. Girl, you’ve been around forever. You were even around on Zelda Lily, and that’s where I really got to know you. You’re smart and kick-ass and never let anyone put you in a place where they think you belong. You’re one of my most favorite commenters because secretly, I want to be just like you.

CranAppleSnapple: I’m sorry that certain things drove you away, but I have a book from you, and I will always think of you whenever I look through it. YOUR NEW CAT IS SO CUTE and your husband is, too!

Angry Pirate. I don’t know where you’ve been, but the last time I saw you was on a Courtney Stodden post on the twentieth of the month. I still officially never got a goodbye! Boo on that business. Do come back, OK?

puddin. Could you possibly win more Caption This contests? You’re hilarious, girl. I’m going to miss sending you free crap.

I’m sure there’s probably many, many more that I’ve interacted with on a personal level, and if I left any of you out, I’m sorry—I’m going to blame it on the tears and the big, big, really big glass of Merlot that’s currently clouding my vision.

I also want to send a major, major thankyou to Emily, who has been my partner in crime and cohort at Evil Beet Gossip for longer than anyone else ever has. She’s the most amazing, most sensitive, most hardworking lady I’ve ever met, and while I’m sorry that she’s leaving Evil Beet, too, because I know how well-loved she is, I’m also super happy that she’s coming along with me and embarking on a whole different, crazy adventure that will hopefully prove successful for both of us. Emily’s a real gem, and I count myself blessed to know her.

Last, I want to thank A., who entered my life sometime around 2010 (I can’t even remember when, it seems like it’s been so long) and had faith in me even when I wasn’t sure I had it in myself (hid that one pretty well, huh?). A. has been the best boss anyone could ask for, and rest assured, friends, there’s so much going on behind the scenes at Evil Beet that’s going to just knock your socks off in the coming months, so be on the look out for it, guys.

I love you all immensely, and I will never, ever forget you, or the various parts you’ve played in one of the greatest and most rewarding experiences of my life.

On a final note, I’m going to let my homies, Boyz II Men, do the rest of my talking for me, because that’s appropriate right now, maybe:

Although we’ve come to the End Of The Road
Still I can’t let you go
It’s unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you
Come to the End of the Road
Still I can’t let you go
It’s unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you

Catch you on the flip side, guys. Promise you’ll belong to me forever! xo

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January 31, 2013 at 5:30 pm by Sarah
Filed Under: Uncategorized

51 Responses to “So Long, Farewell”

  1. guest says:

    CHAZ is using my name to make posts here, so he could probably do the same there as well! CAS wasn’t driven away form here, it’s how I found out about The Superficial(Hint: guest1)!

    • Sarah says:

      I still totally love you, Guest.

      • guest says:

        How could that possibly be? According to “Anonymous” EVERYONE “hates” me! Well now I see why someone has resumed making posts in my name!

      • Sarah says:

        I don’t hate you at all, Guest. I love your information and the way you put things, seriously.

      • guest says:


        Careful with the “I love yous” and “I don’t hate you at all”, everytime you say it someone makes a post in my name or appears somewhere on your site posting as guest imposter!

  2. Liz says:

    Another wonderfully talented lady! Your writing is witty & delightful & will be hard to top. There hasn’t been a post I haven’t enjoyed. Best of luck to you!!!! Kick ass & take no prisoners!!!!!

  3. meh says:

    I always loved your point of view and even though I didn’t always agree with your opinions on certain celebs, you were always so damn FUNNY making your point that I just couldn’t argue. We’ll definitely miss your words around here. I mean really, your goodbye post quotes B2M? Amazing.

  4. Chaz says:

    Man, I’m not good at this maudlin crap… Let me share these lyrics:
    Its the same story, the crow told me
    Its the only one he know
    Like the morning sun you come
    And like the wind you go
    Aint no time to hate
    Barely time to wait
    Woah, what I want to know
    Where does the time go?
    Keep your “bitch hand” ready and your “lady balls” clanking on your new venture!

  5. Anonymous says:


  6. p1ll says:

    I am so sad that I have actual tears running down my face .
    Best of luck good lady

  7. PennyRuxpin says:

    Maybe CAS is frolicking in a dandelion field somewhere with Auntie Ruxpin and a bottle of lithium…you know, doing frolicky things.

  8. Kitty says:

    I’ve enjoyed reading your posts. Good luck with everything. :)

  9. Steph says:

    Thanks a lot. You did a great job.

  10. lachica says:

    All the best.

  11. Leelee says:

    Best of luck – you’re a great writer! Consistently hilarious with just the right amount of snark (aka. TONNES of snark, which I love).

  12. Bina says:

    WHAT? I do not approve of this message.

    Sarah, you were my favorite writer. I wake up every morning and the first thing I do is check if you wrote something and I’ll start my day with a laugh.

    I love your sense of humor, your writing skills, your honesty, and your personality. I will deeply miss you here and I’m not sure if anyone can or will be able to replace you.

    This is really sad news. :(

    I wish you all the best in the future and I hope to still come across some of your work on the internet.

    I will miss you!

  13. crab says:

    Bye Sara, by Emily!! I’m going to miss you two so much!! You both always made me laugh first thing in the morning and that sort of set me for the rest of the day!! Muah!! Love you both and good luck!!

  14. LegalEase says:

    This is really sad. Your posts were the only reason I came to this site :’(

  15. Twisted Lady says:

    Going to miss both of you! You ladies have worked your asses off and deserve all of the excellent things in your future.

    I gotta say, I kind of like this Bobby chick. Anyone who stalks Lily Allen is okay by me :)

  16. pikki nikki polka pants says:

    Best of luck to yas! *hugs* *hugs* *hugs*

  17. mireee says:

    Roses are red, violets are blue, Sarah I :heart: you! Oh my that comment made me well up, thanks so much <333

  18. Chuck says:

    Best of luck Sarah. You made it worthwhile to stay with EB after Sasha left! I know you and Emily will be very successful going forward.

  19. Linday says:

    Sadface :( Can’t wait to see what your next adventure is, though! Best wishes.

  20. The real anonymous says:

    Are you going to do a caption contest at your next gig?

  21. Mamie says:

    Soo sad Sarah! You were a lot of fun to read. This site has always felt like a community – all the way back to the original “Beet”. You steered the ship perfectly. Smooth sailing!

  22. Diane says:

    Hope to fnd wherever you guys nd up ..haha not in a creepy stalky way ..well maybe a lil bit

  23. MJRyan says:

    So does this mean that the winners of “Caption This” will finally be the ones that are actually funny and refer to the photo now? I say that in a nice way, of course.

  24. evilbeetdouche says:

    So long, farewell, don’t let the door hit you on the ass on you way out.

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