Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Happy Ho-lidays from Lil’ Kim!

photo of lil kim christmas card pictures
Ready, set, go: what’s the funniest thing about this Lil’ Kim holiday promo? There’s going to be a quiz at the end, so don’t say I didn’t warn you.

I’ve got a few suggestions, myself—

#1: The fact that Kim thinks we’re stupid (or blind) enough to believe that this is what her face really looks like in 2012. See, because no, girl. This is what Lil’ Kim looks like in 2012:

photo of lil kim pictures
But you know what? Here’s some information that just might help clear things up—this was the accompanying tweet from Kim regarding the picture:

On the 1st day of Xmas my Queen Bee gave to me: An exclusive never before seen picture just for U!!! Muah!!! :)

So it’s totally plausible that this photo of Kim was taken in, I don’t know, 1989, and had it retouched so it looked a little more current, yeah? Because unless doctors have figured out a way to completely reverse the damage done by plastic surgery then Lindsay Lohan should probably hear about this I think it’s probably an old photo.

Also, #2: Wait. There is no number two, because the funniest thing about this picture is that it doesn’t even look like Lil’ Kim anymore. That’s really about it.

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  • Lil’ Kim should actually get our sympathy. It’s obvious that Kim is the victim of societal racism that taught her to hate her African features enough to have her carve up her face and bleach her skin.

    Take a step back and think about the level of self-hatred taking place in Kim’s psyche.

  • This is a song for,Mrs.Lil’ Kim,and the name of it,is called,Hello Kim,and I wrote,my rap song,to the instrumental,of a song,named,Look Into My Eyes,using all of my own,words/lyrics,and the rap song,named,Look Into My Eyes,was originally,sang,by a group,named,Bone Thugs N Harmony,so dear Mrs.Lil Kim,here is my song for you,that I wrote,to the instrumental,of,Look Into My Eyes,using all of my very,own words/lyrics,oh I almost,forgot,to mention,that the word,Lay-Day,in my very Romantic Rap Love song,for ya,means,Lady,take it Merrily,Miss/Ms,see ya,Miss/Ms

    This is,My introduction,before,my chorus,for Mrs.Lil Kim:

    Hello Kim,what’s up,Babe,how’s it going,Holidays,are cool,Babe,it’s not,Snowing,over here,where,I chill,Sexy Lay-Day,Girl,yo,okay,Babe,Girl,you’re,Glowing.

    This is,my chorus,for Mrs.Lil’ Kim:

    Glowing,Babe,I,know,how,just,to treat ya,show up,Girl,and,Lay-Day,I will,meet,ya,with Flowers,and Powers,Babe,Girl,I’ll,meet ya,in the City,so pretty,Babe,yeah,you,are Babe

    This,is my,verse,1,for Mrs.Lil’ Kim:

    Walking out,Down town,now,Babe,sitting down,Up Town,yo,girl,walking out,Down Town,Lay-Day,hanging out,Up Town,yo Babe,where I play,is cool,yo Girl,when I smoke,I don’t choke,only joke,Babe,when I joke,I make folks,laugh,Babe,you hear,talk,Lay-Day,I’m always,smiling.