Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Octomom’s Going to be an Action Hero (Also, We Have More Octomom Stripper Photos, Whee!)

And if *that* wasn’t a horrifying enough prospect for you, you need to check out these photos of Octomom at her classy Florida strip gig. This photo, for example:

photo of octomom stripping pictures
LOL at the trashy young chick with cornrows hanging on a dude that could be her smutty grandpa (maybe) or her nasty old uncle (definitely) while he’s all like, “Whatevs, girl. I’m just chilling. You know how I do.”

And then you have this one:

Where it’s like, is that even an ass? Or is that some kind of weird, hard, polycarbonate ass-mask that’s made to look like a … well, an ass? Honestly, check it out in this one:

Right? Right? BEEFCAKE.

Then you have the next few, which I’ll gladly just lay down right here for you:

And it’s because I’m into punishing you guys as much as I am into punishing me. OK? Fair enough? Can we all just agree that these photos are downright horrifying?

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  • It’s been a rough day for pictures. First I see Lindsay and her lawyer posing like super stars they think they are and now this, pardon me while I go puke.

  • Personally, I’m entertained. These pictures have a serious amount of hilarity, and I need that.

    01) Top picture, the guy in the cornflower (color) shirt. He’s like: “What the hell am I doing here.” and “Jesus. WTF did I just see?”

    02) Top picture, the cornrow chick. LOL she’s in a unitard. That is an actual stripper. Wow. That place is looooooooooow rent. I love the look on her face.

    03) Top picture, Dad. The guy sitting next to cornrow chick. You know his dumb-ass payed $100 just for her to sit there. (At least I hope that’s all he payed.) And… where is cornrow chick’s hand? Yep. On his happy-place. LOL. I _LOVE_ the look on his face. “Yeah, bitches.” ROFLMAO

    04) Picture 2, dead center. I’m going to call her evil-dead tranny (EDT). The one in the black bikini.

    05) Picture 2, left of EDT, that dude, fresh from the bowling alley, lets call him Mel, anyway, Mel has bigger tits than EDT.

    05a) Picture 2, the guy to EDT’s right … is gay. He’s trollin. (And likely has a damned good shot in that place. He’s better lookin than all of the “strippers” so far.) Lets call him twinky-guy.

    06) Picture 3, they (mercifully, trust me) blurred out burnt-out-soccer-mom’s (BOSM) snatch to the left. I actually LOLed over that.

    07) I would likely sit there and toss dollars to octomom to MAKE FACES AT ME. I’d freakin crack up EVERY TIME. Man. She has THE best facial expressions. Then it hit me. She’s been making goo-goo faces at FOURTEEN kids. So, she likely does this to the kid at the supermarket checkout.

    07 afterthought) Just imagine (and I am so, so sorry for this visual) banging octomom and have her start making those faces. Tell me, could you really not burst out laughing? It’s like they tore off Karen Black’s face and glued it flaptastic-style onto octomom. Just can’t stop laughing.

    07 afterthought2) Then I had this image of octomom at the plastic surgeons. Plastic surgeon: “Well, Ms Octo, we COULD cut another, say five-hundred off the price, but there would be the risk of loss of muscle control in your facial features.” Octo: “I could do that.”

    Damnit! She looks like a claymation figure! Does no one else see this?!

    08) Picture 1 again. I tried to figure out what un-duckfaced her. Then I got it. Right hand. Someone tossed her a sucker. I bet she’ll eat it too. Probably been right up some dude’s ass.

    Oh. What the hell am I thinking. Octo’ll toss that sucker right into the middle of her FOURTEEN screaming children. “Fight for it.” Some poor kid’s prize is gonna be an ass-pop.

    09) Picture 4. BOSM’s look. If you look in the dictionary under “doubtful”, that’d be the picture you see. What the hell is she holding anyway? A tricorder? A nintendo 3dS with a camera?

    10) Picture 3. If they could blur out her oddly lumpen sacks, why, in god’s name, couldn’t they blur out all of her stretch marks? I’ve never seen someone with stretchmarks on their back before. Wowzers.

    10a) And dirty-wife-beater-guy (DWBG), to the right of BOSM? He must be on some really good drugs. Of course, in picture 4, he’s tots staring down BOSM’s bosom. He’s sub-tulley that one. Smoof like sandpaper.

    11) And finally, picture 5, to the right of Mel McBoobs, EDT, and twinky-guy, is some chick in a tan blouse and black pants/skirt. I think the look on her face sums up what the rest of us are thinking.

    I imagine twinky-guy thinking: “Yep. THAT is why I’m gay.” Of course, if my choices were some oddly-lumpen freak with a rubber-face or twinky-guy …

  • Am I the only one that thinks it looks like Uncle dude in first pic is getting a handjob under the table from chola chick?

  • Actually, she doesn’t look that bad. Alot better than some of the skanks I’ve seen at strip clubs.

  • Free beer and hot fresh pretzels for the bored to the max audience? Instructions Don’t speak or make eye contact with the dancer.. or she get’s frustrated and loses her concentration.. this debut skit will take forever?

  • What’s so bad about these pics?? I can’t say they’re too bad for a woman who had 8 kids in her uterus at the same time. Catty much, gossip monger bitches?