(Hah, as if the picture wasn’t reason enough.)
OK, so “essay” might be a strong word. Let’s just call it a “reason” and we’ll end there. I don’t exactly have it in me to do an entire “essay” about Joey Lawrence, because he’s not even remotely important in the grand scheme of things, even though he really, really, really thinks he is. From Celebuzz:
… Actor Joey Lawrence tells Celebuzz he has no desire to do a full-on Blossom reunion, should the opportunity arise in the future.
“It was a moment in time; it was a great moment,” he said, of the show. “[But] whenever I see these reunions like that, I always go, ‘Oh, God. These people. What happened?’ … I think that, for us, [the Old Navy Bee Bots commercial] was kind of neat,” he continued. “Old Navy approached us with that, and they begged us to do it. Mayim sent me an email and said, ‘Are you gonna do this? I’ll do it if you do it.’ And I said, ‘Yeah, f*** it. Let’s do it.’”
Ew. Seriously? Really? “Oh God. These people. What happened?” Yes, because he’s just so A-list these days. Yes, I can definitely understand where he’s coming from. See, at first, I thought, “Wow. What a self-righteous piece of shit who’s looking a gifthorse directly in the mouth. It’s not like he’s got anything good going on these days,” but then I realized: Joey’s absolutely right. Totally, one hundred percent correct. Because when he said, “… Whenever I see these reunions like that, I always go, ‘Oh, God. These people. What happened?” that’s precisely what people think when they see him anywhere. So why put him in a place where he’s forced to remember how “great” he once was—when people are just going to say, “These people. What happened?” because I KNOW that whenever I see Joey Lawrence anywhere (it doesn’t matter where, really), that’s exactly. what. I. think.
Touché, Joey. “Whoa.”