Today's Evil Beet Gossip

The Hills Finale Party: One Billion Photos!

We’re a day late on these, and I apologize, but I swear I couldn’t find them on the photo services until tonight.

All our favorite Hills castmembers were there: Audrina! Stephanie! Lo! Brody! Holly! Kristen! COCAINE! (not pictured)

And LAUREN CONRAD, who looks fucking fantastic and happy and wonderful and OMG I love you so much Lauren Conrad. There was NEVER a show after you left! And you are BY FAR the most beautiful of all these people and it doesn’t look like you’ve had a stitch of work done. I’m so happy for you that you ditched this train before it wrecked.

Conspicuously absent: Heidi and Spencer. Because they’re fucking insane and weren’t invited. Seriously, though, I was talking with a girlfriend yesterday about how freakin’ tragic it is for Heidi that this show ever happened to her. Like, she was this perfectly nice, cute girl from Colorado with a lovely future ahead of her who is now pretty much the textbook definition of what it looks like when someone gets sucked into Hollywood. Her face and body are mutilated. Her family hates her. Her marriage was a sham and her “husband” is a candidate for a lobotomy. I hate to say it, but I feel awful for her. I don’t know how you even begin to pick up the pieces after your life has become so shattered.

Lastly: I hate Kristin Cavallari as much as the next person, but I would give up a finger or two for her legs. This bitch gives Jen Aniston a run for her money.

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  • Dear sexy Mrs Lauren Conrad,my name is Ike Nash,and I live in Canada,in the city of Toronto,in a town named Scarborough,and you can reach me at 416 752 2165,and I wrote you a rap song.And the name of this rap song is called
    Land Of Tha Heartless.And it was originally rapped by a rap group named Bone Thugs N Harmony,but I wrote my own rap song for you to the beat/instrumental of Land Of Tha Heartless,using my own lyrics,so here is my song for you that I wrote to the beat/instrumental,of Land Of Tha Heartless using my own lyrics.

    Song Title:Land Of Tha Heartless

    My verse 1 for you sexy Mrs Lauren Conrad:Chilling babe,with ma homeboys,laughing honey,making money,how you,doing girl,you’re,so sexy,and,so pretty,roll,with me,keep smiling,shordy,girl,let’s party,get naughty,babe,you’re so sexy.

    My Chorus for Lauren Conrad:Put,it down,yo,for,my city,babe,sexy girl,let’s roll,and stroll,shordy.Take a walk,in the,malls,and in,the parks,holding,hands as we talk,girl,you’re so,sexy.

    • Can you kill yourself now and save us the trouble of having to wait until you notice she, or any other girl, will not respond to that?

  • God, Stacie is annoying, and HOW IN THE HELL did Stephanie wind up being the best dressed? I would KILL for that Herve.

  • Dear sexy Mrs Lauren Conrad,here is a rap song that I wrote for you.
    It is called Break The Law ’98.
    And it was originally rapped by a rapper named Indo G.
    But dear Lauren Conrad,I wrote my own rap song for you,to the
    beat/instrumental of Break The Law ’98,using my own lyrics.So here is my rap song for you,written to the beat/instrumental of
    Break The Law ’98,using my own lyrics.

    Song Title:Break The Law ’98

    My verse 1 for you Lauren Conrad:Let’s ride,Eastside,citywide,in the spotlights,hanging out,sexy,sexy girl,buy some pearls,rule the world,when you step,up in the spots,drive me crazy.What’s your sign,love your style,and your smile,hey gorgeous,honey,you’re amazing,model girl,model,baby,flow,growing,so beautiful girl,baby,let’s roll.

    My Chorus for you Lauren Conrad:Looking out ma windows,sexy girl,then I felt the breeze,blowing,while I’m smoking,herbs,babe,knock knock,who’s at ma door,ma homies,came in,then we hit the studios.

  • Dear sexy Mrs Audrina Patridge,how are you doing gorgeous.Here is a rap song that I wrote for you.It is called Electric Avenue,and it was originally rapped by the singers named Ky-Mani Marley featuring Pras.But dear Audrina Patridge,I wrote my own rap song for you to the beat/instrumental of Electric Avenue using my own lyrics,so here is my rap song for you written to the beat/instrumentral of Electric Avenue,using my own lyrics.

    Song Title:Electric Avenue

    My chorus for you sexy Audrina Patridge:Shopping babe,with ma friends,hanging out downtown,girl,let’s ride.What’s up,girl,I hope,you’re doing fine,Eastside,when I ride,baby,what’s up tonight.

    Verse 1:Yo yo,girl,let’s chill,I have,a hundred dollar bill,so,I will,spend the hundred dollars,girl,for you,babe,I think,you have a lot of skills,I love The Hills,what’s next,pretty girl,you are so real,and keep making shows,girl,and model babe.

  • Thank Christ, that vapid shit is finally over and hopefully these talentless nobodies can now fade into obscurity.

  • Hello Audrina Patridge,here is a rap song that I wrote for you,it is called Girls Around The World,and it was originally sang by the R&B singer named Lloyd featuring the rapper named Lil Wayne,but dear sexy Mrs Audrina Patridge,I wrote my own rap song for you,to the
    instrumental of Girls Around The World,using my own lyrics.So here is my rap song for you Audrina Patridge.

    Song Title:Girls Around The World

    Verse 1:One day,baby let’s stroll,yo,someday,honey,let’s,go,going to the mall,we can talk,as we go,we can laugh,as we go,and have a smoke,as we stroll.Yo,what you like,I will,buy it,that’s no joke,I will buy,it for you girl,you can model for me girl,babe,having lunch,with a bunch of friends girl,having brunch with friends,girl,I really, think,you’re sexy girl,true.

    My chorus for you sexy Mrs Audrina Patridge:Hey girl,come see me babe,I’LL take you,out for,dinner,in ma busy,city babe.

  • Ike Nash is most definitely a stalker of some sort. His comments should have the signature “Posted from my Verizon Wirelss Blackberry outside your window”

  • Hello Mrs Audrina Patridge,here is a rap song that I wrote for you,it is called Tha Crossroads,and it was originally rapped by Bone Thugs N Harmony,but I wrote ma own love song for you to the beat/instrumental of Tha Crossroads,using my own lyrics.So here is ma song for you.

    Song Title:Tha Crossroads

    Verse 1:bay-bay,hey,hey,I’m cray-zay,in love,with you,girl,baby,flow,baby,flow,pure,like the waters,that flow,never cold,never,grow,old,never ever,be alone,like,the pure,even more,pure like treasures like gold,precious stones,I would,buy girl,I will would,buy you from the stores,hey girl,get down,you’re pretty,babe,hey,lady,can you come,to ma town and chill,in ma city,sexy,lady,hey,bay-bay.

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