Today's Evil Beet Gossip

How Many Wisdom Teeth Does Lindsay Lohan Actually Have?

photo of lindsay lohan in black shorts and boots smoking a cigarette

I’m willing to bet about four or five sets at this point … the bitches just seem to be coming in over and over again. It’s like every other month or so, she’s getting some wisdom teeth pulled. Are they taking them out piece by piece? Chip by chip?

Just in time for her court-ordered sobriety, Lindsay’s got to have her wisdom teeth out, which her doctor claims will have to involve some heavy-duty pain medication. Honestly, I can’t blame her on that one. I had my wisdom teeth out about a year and a half ago and I was such a baby about the oral pain that I requested to be put to sleep during the procedure. While a shitload of my friends had gone before, ones who’d already had their wisdom teeth pulled, they’d gone a different route and used a local anesthetic. But not me, no way.

And even when they began to run the IV to put me out, my blood pressure was through the roof. The doctor gently asked me if I wanted some gas to alleviate my nerves; I said yes. The last thing I remember was laughing giddily, the gas mask on my face, asking “What is this stuff?” I woke up God-knows how much later with cotton strips hanging out of my mouth and my first fuzzy waking thought was, “walrus.”

Anyway, I’m sure Lindsay’s going to have her “drug list” approved. It’d be inhumane to not allow someone proper pain management when going through dental surgery. But unfortunately, for the court system, they’re going to be quite shocked to find out how high a concentrate of narcotics it’s actually going to take to knock the Lohan down and out.

Hope you have a good prescription plan, Linds!

7 CommentsLeave a comment

  • “While a shitload of my friends had gone before, ones who’d already had their wisdom teeth pulled, they’d gone a different route and used a local anesthetic. But not me, no way.”

    You need an editor Sarah

    • Seriously, this post was hard to read/follow because of the terrible grammar. Also, what is with the pseudo-defense on Lindsay’s behalf?

      “Just in time for her court-ordered sobriety, Lindsay’s got to have her wisdom teeth out, which her doctor claims will have to involve some heavy-duty pain medication. Honestly, I can’t blame her on that one.”

      What’s that, Sarah? You can’t blame her for side-stepping the law and doing whatever she needs to do to consume drugs? Yea, I can’t blame her either! This post would have been worth reading if it discussed the audacity of her scheduling this bullshit procedure during her SCRAM days, as well as the stupidity of the court for allowing this.

  • What happened to good ole T3’s and sending you home? I know its different all over the world (I’m in Candada) but really??? a list of hardcore meds she’ll have to be on?

    Can they measure how much is in her system and compare it with the dosage she might need from the doctors??? like holy shit!

    I had 2 impacted wisdom teeth, 2 others that were fine and just coming in. The impacted ones were infected and I was in agony for quite some time before they dentist decided to dig them out. I was put out with a local anestetic (sorry sp) and then given T3’s which I cannot take because I am allergic to codeine and sent home. I HAD only regular Tylenol to take every 3 hours for a few days… no other pain pills.. I was in agony- but had no choice at the time.

    Who’s her vet (har har) and how can I get what she’s getting?

    • I, too, received Tylenol with codeine that I finally stopped taking (it didn’t make me happy-stoned, just icky-stoned). Ibuprofen was what really worked for me. Apparently it’s the swelling that really causes the pain, so the NSAIDs are what helps the most.

      Not that that fact will stop Ms. Lohan, I’m sure.

  • This is Lindsay we’re talking about – hello, Oxycontin, Percocet, Vicodin – or all three!

  • I wonder if anybody told her that when you get a tooth pulled you cannot smoke, drink through a straw or, I assume, suck dick for a period of time. Hope she thought this thing thru….