Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Lindsay Lohan Thought That Stupid E-Trade “Milkaholic” Commercial WAS ABOUT HER

OK, this pretty much epitomizes the self-centered celebrity image.

Lindsay Lohan is suing E-Trade over that Super Bowl ad where the babies are talking about stock trading and that one baby calls another baby named Lindsay a “milkaholic” and OBVIOUSLY THIS IS ABOUT LINDSAY LOHAN.

For realz, you guys. She’s suing for $100M — that’s $50 million in compensatory damages and $50 million of exemplary damages. The lawsuit also demanded that E-Trade stop running the ad and turn over all copies to her.

The suit claims the character of baby Lindsay improperly invoked her “likeness, name, characterization and personality” without permission, violating her right of privacy.

Lohan’s lawyer, Stephanie Ovadia, tells the New York Post: “Many celebrities are known by one name only, and E-Trade is using that knowledge to profit. They used the name Lindsay. They’re using her name as a parody of her life. Why didn’t they use the name Susan? This is a subliminal message. Everybody’s talking about it and saying it’s Lindsay Lohan.”


Chris Brown, a spokesman for Grey Group, which produced the spot, says it “just used a popular baby name that happened to be the name of someone on the account team.”

WOAH. Either it’s already April 1st or E-Trade has already paid Lindsay Lohan for the publicity this lawsuit is going to create for them, because this is complete and total madness. It’s like my entire job to keep an eye on what people are saying and thinking about Lindsay Lohan, and this is the very first I’ve heard of this. THIS IS RIDICULOUS, LINDSAY. YOU’RE NOT EVEN THAT RELEVANT ANYMORE.

Get a fucking job.

In other, sort of stranger news — and let me be clear that I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH A BABY — but I’m kind of turned on by the voice of the douchebag behind the trader baby. Even though I know he’s a douchebag who’s going to cheat on me and pretend that he can fix it by buying me a nice purse and taking me to a fancy dinner where he’ll wear an overpriced douchebag suit and talk about the stock market and check his cell phone for text messages every ten minutes until he finally just takes it out of his pocket and sets it on the table and interrupts me to answer it and talk with a client about the football game last night and even the gay waiter kind of rolls his eyes and glances at me like “You’re really gonna put up with this bullshit?” and then I will go home with him that night and have sex with him even though I will spend most of that experience with my head turned aside, rolling my eyes and wishing I could be texting during this bullshit, and he will ask me in the morning if I’ll make him a bowl of cereal and I will do that and when I bring it to him he will be on his cell phone talking about the stock market. I WANT THAT.

Why are women so stupid? It’s probably because we all have to share a chromosome with Lindsay Lohan.

31 CommentsLeave a comment

  • HAHAHAHAHA! Hilarious post! You perfectly encapsulated the characteristics of an A-1 Douche.

    And I agree, his voice is sexy.

    Incidentally, does anyone listen to Marketplace on NPR? I want to marry Kai Ryssdal’s voice. So sexy when he talks about the Dow and NASDAQ. Sigh…

  • Holy hell. This post is the funniest thing I’ve read in FOR. EVAR! By the way, this hilarious rant now makes me think that you are borrowing from MY life. So now be prepared for a $100M lawsuit from my lawyer. You brought this on yourself lady. :-)

  • Whoa! I was giggling until the last line!

    But how the hell can you claim to run a “feminism in a bra” website and still genuinely wonder “Why are women so stupid?” Beet, your self-hate does not need to be spread onto the rest of us. C’mon girl!

    • If we had “Maya Luck” you’d be a dead sacrificial virgin and we’d be having an adult conversation.

  • Silly lawsuit.
    “Chris Brown, a spokesman for Grey Group” — I was confused by this at first, then I realized that this has to be someone other than music’s Chris Brown, because music’s Chris Brown is actually a spokesman for the Black & Blue Group.
    “THIS IS RIDICULOUS, LINDSAY. YOU’RE NOT EVEN THAT RELEVANT ANYMORE. ” I get what you’re saying, given the way Lindsay Lohan’s once-promising acting career and always-questionable music & high fashion careers appear to have flatlined, but it’s amusing when reconciled with the reality that Lindz easily gets more Beet write-ups and general gossip world write-ups than just about anyone not named Jolie or Spears.
    The constant and oft-times intense coverage of Lindsay Lohan’s life give her some reasonable measure of [celebrity] relevance, for better or for worse.

    • Notorious or infamous is not the same as celebrity. At one point, Lindsay used to do the acting thing now she’s famous for not having a job and being a general fuck-up. Her personal life has eclipsed anything she ever did as an actress (which wasn’t that great to begin with).

  • Haha!
    But I think you might wanna speak for yourself with the whole “date with a douchebag ” bit. In that scenario, you’re the only stupid one.

  • OK I live in the word between Maya and Alzaetia’s perspective.

    If you deep down feel that way, (and I think you are just being honest about what are perhaps your first impulses to think like, even if you would no longer act out that way), I just want assurances that you will NEVER, EVER blame men for being the way they are.

    Do do so requires one thing to be two ways at once. It/they is/are not.

  • This is the writing I originally started coming to EB for! I’m enjoying the rants you’ve been posting the last couple of days. Freaking hilarious!

  • Loved the post, so funny and creative!
    I can relate to the story about men, I used to ask myself why do women always seem to like total assholes? Now I think that it’s to do with us not feeling worthy of the best. When we are. And it can be so hard to realise it, but we do not have to put up with this crap! Whichever excuse we may think, would it be ‘I’m too old, I won’t be able to find anyone else’ or ‘I feel comfortable around him, could not handle being single again’ it is all not taking responsibility for your life, not realising your worth and potential. Some of us will never realise it and it’s hard work, but it’s so so worth it!

  • Part of me thinks Lindsay might actually be stupid enough to think that commercial was about her…

    …but another part of me thinks Lindsay only filed the lawsuit to keep her name in the news. C’mon, one hundred million dollars? That number is so ridiculous it’s gotta be obvious even to her that she doesn’t have a hope in hell of getting it.

    But “LINDSAY LOHAN” and “LAWSUIT” and “ONE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS” sure come together to make one hell of an eye-catching headline. Well played, Lindsay. You’ve earned your cocaine binge for the day.

  • Yep. ‘Cause there’s no one else on Earth named Lindsay. And the baby looks exactly like her. Except for the strung-out, chain smoking, puffed-up lips, stringy dyed hair part. The baby doesn’t quite have that down. But it’s close enough.

  • Perhaps she heard a world that ended in “aholic” and naturally assumed she was the target.

    • Bahaha. I was going to say that she’s just hoping to make a buck by throwing a bitch-fit, but your argument makes so much more sense.

  • Weird, but I made absolutely no connection between the lindsay mentioned in the ad and Lindsay lohan. I’ve never heard of Lindsay lohan being called just ‘lindsay’ in public media. Madonna, Cher or oprah are names that work if the first name is mentioned only. And these women are internationally 10 times as famous. What’s Lindsey done? Just some Mickey mouse and a movie about a talking car? Damn, what a bloated ego.

  • Lindsay Lohan as a celebrity that’s an alcoholic, that’s the distinguishing part of this Lindsay vs. any other. “Milkoholic” is synonymous with “alcoholic” and can’t be taken literally because babies don’t talk or trade stocks. It’s not unreasonable to make a connection to Lohan at all, whether intended or not, I can’t prove. But let’s get to some facts. Lindsay was in Paris when this lawsuit was filed and she’s in London now. Stephanie Ovadia is NOT Lindsay’s lawyer, she’s Michael’s lawyer. Lindsay hasn’t said a damned thing about this law suit, yet her mother has. Law suit is filed in New York where the Lohan family lives while Lindsay lives in California. Everybody’s jumping on the bandwagon that Lindsay’s so full of herself yet she made a humorous response on twitter the night it aired on the superbowl. Who didn’t like it? Dina who said “I’m glad I took a stand”. Who’s idea was it to sue? I think it’s obvious.