Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Rumors of Brad & Angelina’s Breakup Untrue, Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire

I should have WordPress set to automatically post a generic “Brad and Angelina have not split up” article every 2 months. That seems to be the  shelf life the media has decided upon for their relationship. Every two months or so, like clockwork, they are rumored to be splitting up.

Mark it down on your iCal right now: on March 24th, Brad and Angelina will “split up” again.

I’m a little disappointed in the discretionary powers of the internet (as usual) considering that this time, the rumor was started by News of the World. News of the World is like the slutty cokehead in your high school gym class who slept with the football team in a misguided attempt to improve her self worth. When she tells you her parents bought her a Bugatti for her 16th birthday, but no one’s ever seen it because she just doesn’t like to drive in morning traffic, you shouldn’t believe her.

This time, News of the World alleged that the pair had met with a “high-powered attorney” (who they wouldn’t name) to iron out an agreement for the breakup that saw the couple retaining joint custody of their troop of Captain Planeteers and equally splitting their $300 Million fortune.

Every two months, rags like News of the World get bored and make up rumors like this one to get people who wouldn’t normally read their stories about half-man-half-bat boy to pay attention to their flotsam.

But you shouldn’t believe them.  Like I said, the cokehead does not have a Bugatti.

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