Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Jon Gosselin’s New Girlfriend

I’d rather be writing about how much I love this snow that’s been falling for three days straight. But duty dictates that I start the day instead by talking about Jon Gosselin’s new penis sheath. Papa Jogo must have some serious game he can only run in Utah. He picked up his new ladyfriend, 25 year old Morgan Christie, in the same ski resort where he snowplowed Deanna Hummel back in ‘aught nine.

“They’ve been inseparable…They talk on the phone and text throughout the day, and Morgan flew to New York right after Christmas to be with him. Jon is going through a really tough time… He and Morgan are becoming very close, but he’s being really cautious because of everything he’s been through. Still, the Enquirer claims that “Jon is so into Morgan that he is thinking about moving to Utah to be closer to her.”

I have to know what his pickup lines are, and why they seem to work so well in Utah. Maybe having 8 babies is like a mad aphrodisiac in the Beehive State. (That’s really the state nickname. Sometimes truth is funnier than anything you could make up.)

I’m gonna go outside and roll around in some frozen dog poo now so I feel a little less disgusting. Writing about Jon Gosselin’s romantic exploits just does that to me.

13 CommentsLeave a comment

  • I can only imagine how embarassing it must be for Kate Gosselin to know that her ex is one of the scuzziest dirtbags on this planet. Eww.

    • Oh shit I just noticed that! I assume it’s just a smear of the photograph, but it looks really creepy regardless.

  • Hopefully he’ll be dead soon and then all we’ll have to do is wait for Kate to self destruct. Can’t wait to be rid of them both forever.

  • Another Hailey Glassman, that’s the only logical explanation why a young woman would go out with a homely, fat, balding, unemployed, future dead beat dad. Insta-fame! It’s sad how someone would debase themselves for a few lines in a couple gossip columns, and let that hairy toad crawl on top of them. His poor kids. Her parents must be dying inside.

  • ugh no! don’t let him move to Utah, then i’ll have to move! he’s here wayyyy too much that it’s getting to the point where my friends see him out and about in Park City on a weekly basis! NOOOOOOO