Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Artie Lange Stabbed Himself Nine Times

Howard Stern sidekick Artie Lange is in the hospital this morning after being discovered last night with nine stab wounds on his body. The comedian known for his big mouth and wild ways was found by his mother in his Hoboken apartment after what appears to be a suicide attempt. One thing that supports the suicide theory is that six of the wounds were not deep enough to do any damage, as if he stabbed himself and chickened out. Three of the wounds were deep, as if he’d just stuck the knife in there. Despite massive blood loss, doctors were able to save Artie and he’s currently recovering.

Artie’s boss took to the air earlier this week to defend his buddy, who has suffered from drug and alcohol addiction in the past and is currently having a rough time. Howard said, “We all have our demons. Artie has given this show tremendous moments of great comedy. He’s a tremendous contributor. He is a good man. Don’t forget how great he is.”

Well, the tragedy of drugs is that anyone could be a user, even “great” guys. It’s a pretty common theme we’ve been seeing here these days. Thankfully I’m just writing up this story instead of a death announcement.

17 CommentsLeave a comment

  • Wow, you’d think a drug overdose would be the way to go for this guy. Oh well, I hope he finds his way.

  • I hadn’t actually heard of this guy before yesterday, when he showed up in my crossword puzzle. And today he’s in the news for a suicide attempt. Eerie.

  • …but if you *were* writing up a death announcement, you’d no doubt find a way to be an ass about it.

    Weren’t you just saying a day ago that you’re sick of all these rich drug addicts not getting clean because they have money so they don’t deserve any sympathy?

    • Wow… talk about finding a way to be an ass.

      I really don’t think this guy is in the same class as some socialite/celebuspawn/spoiled rich kid but anyway – way to throw that in there as some lame attempt to insult the writer for something she didn’t write..

  • I listen to the show and Artie has a long history of depression (pre-dating drug addiction) and he attempted suicide previously. I wish him success in fighting his demons.

  • BTW “chickened out” is a really shitty way to describe the initial attempts to stab himself death. I wish he had “chickened out” after the very first one.

    We are all on a gossip site, but does that mean no empathy is given? Jeesh.

  • Saturday=last night?
    Sad turn of events with Artie.
    So, you say that he appears to have “chickened out?” It appears that he ultimately “chickened in” quite effectively.

  • NINE times? I would have figured that after the FIRST stab his body would have flown all over the room until it ran out of air.

  • I love Artie and listen to Howard everyday. It isn’t the same without him. I hope he gets the help he needs…I’m suprised this happened now he seemed like he was a lot better lately but I guess you never know.

    Too Fat to Fish is hysterical.

  • I can’t believe you couldn’t be bothered to even get the information right. Although there were no details released until today, Artie’s hospitalization has been widely reported since Sunday. You would think a so-called gossip blogger would know that.

  • The “last night” part is wrong. It was widely reported that Artie had been hospitalized, but no information had been given as to what put him there.
    Artie’s is funny as hell but has major demons. He needs residential rehab for a good long time-between the heroin, booze, food and self loathing, this is not gonna be an easy kick.

  • “One thing that supports the suicide theory is that six of the wounds were not deep enough to do any damage, as if he stabbed himself and chickened out. Three of the wounds were deep, as if he’d just stuck the knife in there.”

    well written…

    you’re right though. it wasn’t a death announcement. here’s hoping he can find the help he needs.

  • It’s not doing this idiot any good to work in an environment that exploits the disabled, including him, for a laugh at their expense. Howard Stern will burn in hell someday and Artie and Robin will be right beside him.

    • I agree. Maybe not about the “burning in hell” part, but Stern’s shtick as being a sexist, disgusting asshole doesn’t do anyone good. bad company, man.

  • this is horrible, and i feel all kinds of things for artie right now, but at the same time i can’t help but think that that if this were anyone but a personal friend and associate, howard stern would be making cruel and horrific jokes at this person’s expense. i just feel like calling him an asshole. yet he’s human and i believe he cares.