Today's Evil Beet Gossip

If Anyone Else Wants to Shoot Themselves After Reading This, I’ll Be Behind the Shed With Dad’s Gun


I know we’re not exactly big time music critics over here, but I think it’s safe to say that this news is so catastrophically bad that if I wasn’t sure we were all about to die already, then this is the final sign I needed. You guys, Billboard has declared a “band of the decade” based on record sales and one of the bands of our last decade? You guys, it’s fucking Nickelback. Really good job. I’m looking at you. I know that if you don’t own a Nickelback album, then your mom or your significant other or your kid does and therefore, I blame you. Personally, I have exceptional taste and so do my loved ones, so I know I’m not to blame. I’m guessing it’s probably you.

From The National Post:

Nickelback was the highest-ranking band of the decade, only finishing behind solo artists Eminem, 50 Cent, Alicia Keys, Beyonce, Nelly and Usher, for overall impact and importance.

Despite a distinct lack of critical acclaim, the rock band formed in Hanna, Alta., has sold more than 30 million albums worldwide. In the last decade, it released The State (2001), Silver Side Up (2001), The Long Road (2003), All the Right Reasons (2005) and Dark Horse (2008), which has garnered them a 2010 Grammy nomination for best hard-rock performance for the track Burn It To The Ground.

Yeah, guys. “Burn It To The Ground”. That sounds like a song worth compromising our reputation as people who lived in the first decade of the new millennium for. “Burn It To The Ground”. That’s so hardcore and emotional. I can see how so many of you could relate to a song like that.

Listen to me: This is a lesson. This entire decade has been a lesson in what happens when you fucking suck. We’re all broke, most of us are losing our homes in some capacity and our entertainment is at a dismally low low. We need to do better in 2010. Promise me that we’re all going to try.

62 CommentsLeave a comment

  • Molls, I LOVE YOU. This post just sealed the deal for me. And I’ll meet you around back with a blunt knife because ending it as easily as a blow to the head is not sufficiently painful enough for me to truly mourn this terrible news.

  • “Nickelback is the highest ranking band of the decade, following nine thousand other people who are more talented!” Thanks, National Post.

  • Wtf is so bad about Nickelback? Im so tired of hearing all this crap about them.
    Now Im not an avid fan, but I do like a few songs.

    There are MANY other bands that are popular out there which suck balls (Or even Miley Cyrus for that matter lol…) give them some credit for being the highest-ranking band.. That deserves a little cred.

    • You can’t really explain what’s so bad about Nickelback. It’s something you just know in your gut, like when your weird uncle stares at you a little too long. If I paid a nickel for one of their albums, I would totally want my nickel back. Sorry for the last part.

  • Have you listened to any of their albums? Have you been to any of their concerts? Because then you would know that they are in fact deserving of such an accolade. And the best thing. At their recent concert in Australia Chad actually said how much they loved being the most hated band in the world. So there.

  • If you think that’s bad news for you guys, try living in Alberta. The radio stations are almost exclusively dedicated to their brand of crap. All we can do is hope that the next time the lead singer of that band decides to drive drunk he dies, because we know it’s “anti-Canadian” to actually prosecute this guy for repeatedly putting lives at risk. On behalf of Alberta I would like to apologize to you all for inflicting this “music” on the world.

    • Thank you Amanda! Canada is lucky to have you… In turn,I’d like to take this opportunity to apologize on behalf of The United States for its role in providing shitty music. That list includes,but certainly not limited to, Tiny Tim,Weird Al,Britney Spears,Journey,The Why Store,disco,80’s hair bands, ad infinitum…

  • Sample lyrics:

    ‘Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
    Livin’ in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
    The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
    We’ll all stay skinny cause we just won’t eat
    And we’ll hang out in the coolest bars
    In the VIP with the movie stars
    Every good gold digger’s
    Gonna wind up there
    Every Playboy bunny
    with her bleach blonde hair
    and well..
    Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
    Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

    Enough said.

    • You’re a freakind idiot. That song is supposed to be fucking ironic. They’re making fun of that lifestyle, while admitting they have that lifestyle. YOURE AN IDIOT

      • just like you want to be respected despite your horrible music taste, we’d like the same. tagging everyone who doesn’t like your FAVE BAND OMG as idiots is reeeeeeeeal smooth there, exlax. keep it up, big baby.

  • Ugh, what makes them so shitty is their music is so trite, poppy, and nothing unique, not to mention “Chad’s” annoying fucking voice.


    It just shows you the taste of the average person.

  • I dont agree with this post. maybe they are not the “best” band of the decade, but they are consistently good. i dont think i would choose Nickelback but these guys deserve the credits they get. Who would you choose?

    • I think that’s Molls’ point…it’s a sad state of affairs when the ‘highest ranking” band of the past TEN years is Nickelback. There was an article on Slate last week called “We Could Use A Kurt Cobain Right About Now,” and I think it’s in this same vein. Like, sure some of you may like a few songs, and some others say they’re “not bad” or that they’re “consistently good.” I mean, not even Nickelback “fans” are that enthused about them! That’s hardly enough to define a decade by.

    • Amber… you’re posting this criticism on a *gossip* blog. That is perhaps an even more apt commentary on what our decade represents.

  • Every time a Nickleback song is played, God kills a Llama. It’s a facebook group, join it so we can convince others to make the pain go away…

  • Everyone I know hates Nickelback.

    So how come they’re so ‘loved’?

    Fuck man, this world is too tipsy turvy.

  • The most influential band of MY decade was Radiohead. This is a list from Billboard, where it’s all about sales. Radiohead removed themselves from this list by choice for being creative without compromise, for being critical of everything Billboard’s system represents, and for releasing their most ‘mainstream’ album for free online first.

    If you’re concerned about this list, you’re putting too much importance in record sales. Radiohead has largely circumvented that realm, proving that they’re truly the band of our times… and probably not caring whether you recognized it or not.

    • This +100

      Anyone who puts any stock in these kinds of lists is bound to be disappointed because the criteria are usually driven by record sales, tour sales, etc. And we all know that many a great band (Yeasayer anyone) grinds it out in obscurity while Billboard and other list makers praise the bands that are commercially successful (if critically ridiculed).

      • I think we all know that this list is purely by sales, it’s still just as sad that this was the highest selling band of the freakin’ decade in the US! Ridiculous.

      • It’s not that ridiculous when you think about who buys most of the music put out in this country. Kids 12-18 have incredible purchasing power, thanks to mom and dad. And much like a child’s palate for food is simple, so is their taste in music.

        And I’m guessing that since the birth of Kazaa and Napster, a lot of savvy music listeners haven’t been buying many albums.

        All of this to say: This list was determined, in all likelihood, by 14 year old mall rats.

  • this hurts… this really, really hurts.
    I can’t even look at Chad’s face — and that horrible, disgusting hair. Putting that face/hair with the repulsive voice= least favorite band, ever.

  • Who are Nickelback anyway? Are they best band of the decade only because they have been dead succesful in America? They’re not nearly as famous outside the States. Don’t know, probably Green Day have been more successful in worldwide terms, if “X-million sold copies” is what Billboard means by “quality”. But yeah, I know, this blog is American and you cover American news and yadda yadda yadda, but I wanted to say this anyway.

    • I wish Nickelback was American… sadly, they are Canadian and from around my hometown… it’s something that makes me sick to my core-
      Them and all radio-rock groups like them.

      But I’m glad they didn’t have worldwide domination then. That’s good news to me (and good news for you, too!)

      • Yeah I know they’re Canadian but they’re like any other American band, really. They’re that kind of band you know about but never bother with them because you just KNOW they have to be shit.

  • Also in this decade, Mariah Carey has moved to runner-up on the list of all-time # 1 singles. Yes, Mariah Carey has had eighteen # 1 hits – that’s more than Elvis and everyone except The Beatles. Can anyone name five of these songs? Can anyone name five Mariah Carey # 1’s THAT DON’T SUCK!??

    BTW – Nickelback blows.

    • Well the only thing with that is that there are a lot more people to buy her stuff now than there were when Elvis and The Beatles were at the height of their fame. Yes they are still awesome, but Mariah Carey is at least vocally talented and thank goodness it’s not someone like Lady Gaga who took over that spot!

  • I hate nickelback… and from my hometown too.. ugh. embarrassment.. and they are ALWAYS on the radio… they record like 10 songs a month.. i dont get it.

    and the lead singer looks like a muppet. seriously. look at him.

  • Fact remains with 30 million records sold there are several of you who posted that you hated Nickelback who have their album in your library, so…
    I think they have good songs and bad songs but all the hate is pretty sad when bands like Tokio Hotel, and artists like Miley Cyrus and all those other pathetic Disney stats and all the crap that’s comp out of American Idol are aloud to release music.
    They write their own songs and actually perform live how many other bands and artists can say that??????

  • Nickelback is to music what Tiger Wood’s 15 girlfriends are to whoredom. They are excellent at sucking!

  • Oh molls, i think i am in love with you.

    This is hysterical and couldn’t be more correct!

    Love you, love your show.

  • Get over it. It works, people buy their music and they have more money than you! Thank God everyone doesn’t have the same taste in music. So again, get over it. Jeez Louise, if you don’t like their music, don’t buy it–I have put this theory into practice many times. (You haters sound like a bunch of bitter, whiny bitches.)

  • I like Nickelback! I don’t own an album and never did…and prolly never willl….but how can you not like “Rockstar”?

  • You’re a freaking idiot sometimes molls. Nickelback does have some very meaningful songs…Listen to Gotta Be Somebody, Just to Get High, Never Gonna Be Alone, I’d Come For You, and many many more. Molls give their songs a listen and actually look at the lyrics befors posting shit. Yeah they have stupid songs that are for fun like Shaking Hands and Burn it to the Ground, but guess what so do most bands. Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit is pure nonsense, Eminem’s Superman is about fucking whores, and there is no doubt about both those artists/bands and their ability to make meaningful songs.

  • Nickelback is shitty. Every song sounds the same. Every time I hear them I turn the radio off.

    Band of the Decade= The White Stripes.