Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Tiger Woods in Serious Condition After Car Accident

tiger_woods

I have to admit, I don’t quite understand this:

Professional golfer Tiger Woods was seriously injured in a car accident early this morning, the Florida Highway Patrol just reported.

Woods, 33, pulled out of his driveway in the Isleworth community about 2:25 a.m. when he struck a fire hydrant, and then drove into a tree at his neighbor’s property, FHP reported.

Woods was transported to Health Central Hospital in Ocoee in serious condition, FHP said. No other information about his condition has been released. A Health Central hospital employee said at 2:30 p.m. that Woods was not a patient. A hospital operator would not say if Woods had been treated and released.

FHP said the airbags in Woods’ Cadillac Escalade did not deploy, which means the vehicle was traveling under 33 mph.

Police say charges are pending, but that no alcohol was involved. How do you get seriously injured running your Escalade into a fire hydrant at low speeds? Because, like, if I had to go to the hospital every time I accidentally ran my SUV into, ya know, a parking garage wall, I’d just have a regular parking spot at the damn hospital.

Either way, I sincerely hope he’s okay and has a speedy recovery. Just not speedy enough to run into a fire hydrant.

27 CommentsLeave a comment

  • Ok, Wendie, spill. I didn’t know anything about reports of an affair. However, when I speed out of my driveway in the middle of the night, it’s either:
    a. I had a huge fight with my husband-like I want a divorce huge.
    b. somebody in my house needs a ride to the hospital
    c. somebody else I love is dead or needs a ride to the hospital
    d. i am completely wasted and incoherent
    Which one?

    • EXACTLY. When you have a wife and family you don’t just leave at 2:30 in the morning.. something isn’t as “white picket fence” as his life suggests.

    • I read yesterday that some chick is saying that she’s been having an affair with him since June. I guess she also bedded David Boreanz (Angel) but dumped him after he called her whilst his wife was in labor. I think this was the Enquirer or Star, so it makes you doubt the validity, but coupled with Tiger smashing into a fire hydrant at 2:30 a.m. … it make you wonder, doesn’t it?

  • i’m pretty sure hospitals are not allowed to disclose who they’re treating. so its possible that he was there but they weren’t able to say

  • I live in the Ocoee area and let me tell you, they would not have taken him to Health Central if he were in bad shape. I would think they would airlift him to Orlando Regional. Just my two cents :-)

  • well maybe drugs were involved, but not alcohol. and you have to wait for the drug tests to come back before you officially charge it. its not as easy to detect as alcohol on yo’ body

  • Update: Tiger and Wifey have a domestic dispute, Tiger decides to split. Whips out of the driveway, strikes a fire hydrant and a tree. No airbag deployment. Wifey hears the crash, runs outside, grabs a golf club and smashes out the back window of the SUV in order to:
    a. extricate him from the car
    b. beat the shit out of him
    Unknown as to whether it was a or b. I also wonder if it was his favorite golf club.
    When the cops arrived, Tiger was sitting semi concious on the ground and Wifey was hovering over him. Supposedly he is ok.

  • Update on the update:
    Facial lacerations were from Tiger’s wife. They had an argument and she scratched him up. He tried to split in a hurry and she chased after him with a golf club. She was smashing the car as he peeled out of the driveway and in his haste, hit the fire hydrant and so on.
    Oh this is getting good.

    • This should be quite interesting. As the violence prmoting genius that is A-2 noted, this appears to be battering incident. Only it seems to be Chris Brown in reverse. Mrs. Tiger goes balistic over husband’s reported philandering and gets physical, scratches his face, etc., etc., etc. What will be interesting, is the public response. I anticipate something like this: “He cheated on her – he had it coming.” It’s a rotten response, but I believe that is how this incident will be rationalized by “John and Jane Q.”

      If the situaiton were reversed, and Tiger caught up a golf club and chased his philandering wife down the driveway and beat the crap out of her car with it, causing her to wreck, he would be dragged away in handcuffs – which would be just. If it is revealed that Mrs. Tiger violently attacked her husband, regardless of her reason for doing so, she should suffer the legal and social consequences, i.e., be thoroughly villified just like any domestic batterer should be.

  • Wow, I always thought Scandinavian culture was low key / laid back. Didn’t know her time in America taught her to whup some ass. HA!

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