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56The Day I Realized That Bradley Cooper Is Probably Gay

Bradley Cooper

Oh, Coop. I have to admit, there’s not much that I know about you. You were pretty funny in Wedding Crashers. I know you did that show Kitchen Confidential. I saw The Hangover and I thought you kinda seemed like a dickhead, but I enjoyed your performance anyway. I think you’re a pretty solid actor, to be honest. But here’s the thing: You’re slipping on your real-life game.

Ya see, a lot of people out there are starting to speculate that you’re pulling a Gyllenhaal. Cute guy, not ready to come out to all of the world, pressured to maintain the “It hottie”-status. It’s understandable. But here’s where Jakey’s got a leg up on you: he picks good beards. Reese, for example: America’s sweetheart, Oscar-winner, A-list all the way and not to mention, quite famously known for being with very straight, very attractive men. If it weren’t for the years of blind items that point directly to his DL-homo lifestyle, no one would suspect a thing.

Bradley, you had the right set up. You’re super hot right now, you’ve got a veritable buffet of ladies to choose from, you’ve been seen out with Jennifer AND Renee, two women I wouldn’t guess you have pull with, to be honest. The picture was painting itself. Ideally you would have put one of these chicks on lock, purchased a home with them in the hills and lived out your gay fantasies privately while all of us were none the wiser. But you blew it.

If ever there was a warning sign that the Hottie of the Moment was likely not hetero, it would be “bringing Denise Richards out of the house in 2009″. Really, for me? That was it. I knew it all had to be a ruse when it was reported that you were seen dining and kinda-sorta canoodling with none-other than the extremely “complicated” ex-Mrs. Charlie Sheen. That may not be enough for everyone, but for me, that’s plenty. Let’s review the facts: You’re very famous right now, she is not. You’ve dated Jennifer Aniston, she’s dated Scott Baio. You star in hit comedies and her most compelling work of late was a post-baby spread in Playboy. How would the two of you even cross paths if you weren’t set up by your management? Or whoever it is that plays Wooly Willy with gay stars and their metaphorical facial hair?

It’s never my intention to put anyone on blast for their sexual preference, but let’s face it: You got sloppy, Coop. You got real sloppy.

July 25, 2009 at 10:45 am by Molls
Filed Under: Uncategorized

56 Responses to “The Day I Realized That Bradley Cooper Is Probably Gay”

  1. Alzaetia says:

    I don’t know about Reese being a good beard. I have always thought Ryan Phillippe was gay. Being married to Reese and then “leaving her for another woman” didn’t change my mind about that.

    But yeah, dating Denise Richards is kinda like flying a rainbow flag from your porch…

    • RichieSambora says:

      Okay, Alzaetia, you’ve outed me. I guess I can finally admit that the working title to our hit song was, “Blaze of Gloryhole” but that fucking gayer hater Jon Bon Jovi made me change it.

    • Umm says:

      “Being married to Reese and then ‘leaving her for another woman’ didn’t change my mind about that.” Whew! That’s a relief. Because only boning women clearly is not enough to convince you either.

  2. GrinReaper says:

    so, umm, after these past two posts i only have one thing to say. R.I.P. KELLY.

  3. Abbi says:

    Molly McAleer there is so much girl crush in my heart for you. XD

    • AdviceHelp says:

      Dear Abbi,

      There’s this girl that keeps posting over and over that she has a girl crush on another girl that she’s never met but thinks she’s in love. How do we break it to her that internet dating is dangerous and that the so called girl she’s in love with might actually be a serial killer looking for hapless victims? Help!

      Signed,

      Concerned in the USA

      • Abbi says:

        Hahaha
        Wrong Abby.
        And I’ve only posted that one time so… it’s not me haha, I’m happily taken and very straight.

      • mireee says:

        Think you mean me?? lol Naah Molls is my girl crush but I have a very gorgeous and intelligent boyfriend where I live… in Europe.

        Signed,

        Carefree in Spain.

  4. j says:

    YAY FOR MOLLS! BRINGING WEEKENDS BACK SINCE JULY 25, 2009!!!!

  5. B says:

    Ooooo Wendie is gonna be madddd! :)

    • C says:

      Wendie is ok. At least until her husband starts calling out Mollys name when he’s about to write his name on the headboard.

      • j says:

        Come on Y’all…Wendie is my fav forever. I wish that she could post days, nights, and weekends too, because she just makes me LAUGH. These Molly posts are the first that I’ve read on the weekends (except for Sasha’s) for a while that didn’t make me say, “Oh. Well THAT was contrived.”

        Sasha, Wendie, and Molly, have a voice. They have these very obvious and well defined writing personalities. Love em.

      • B says:

        Wendie is my favorite too. I just meant she’s going to be mad if her newest love interest turns out to like men.

      • Jess says:

        Beet’s my favourite (I’m not including Molls in my comparison, though, because it’s too soon), because she has a heart and is clearly comfortable enough in her intellect and sense of humour that she doesn’t need to be intentionally bitchy, mean-spirited and crass for a cheap laugh.

    • kattis says:

      That was the first thing that popped up in my head to :D
      Aint that her “husband” …?;)

      • Wendie says:

        He was my fiance, but I broke up with him after I found out that he was starring in a movie with Julia Roberts.

      • me says:

        Team Wendie by far. Sasha loses out for posting like three times a month. This new chick isn’t impressing me so far. This post felt like it was five pages long.. and uninteresting

  6. Mermaid says:

    I heard about this the other morning on KIIS with Ryan Seacrest. Ellen announced it on the sleaze and Ryan was so disturbed by it that he called Denise up (Ryan’s like the creator of her reality show or something). When he asked her about it she was completely shocked and said that she has only met Cooper once on some late night talk show and that they NEVER had dinner together. So either she was trying to cover up while on the air or this is just the same rumor. Not sure, we’ll see I guess =D

  7. dee says:

    He has a squashed wonky face like Di Caprio. Reese is pretty much fed up with men and is happy with her kids.. don’t blame her on not trying seriously to get involved with hollywood/freaky men for a while, and trusting family friend, good ol boy Jakey to escort her around.. and keep the ex off her back and out of her life.

    • Hilary says:

      I agree with the wonky face. I can’t figure out why Wendie would have a crush on someone so asymmetrical (this picture does not do him justice as it’s his right eye that’s way out there) Ew

  8. Re says:

    Ohhh, who cares.

  9. maggie says:

    In what way does bearding for Jakey G keep Ryan off of Reese’s back? I think Ryan has stayed far off her back for years now (many years). That’s the least of her worries if you believe her own gay rumors.

  10. Umm says:

    Molls, you’re not the first person I’ve heard this from. But love your reasoning. Howsoever, that “date” sounds more like Denise trying to become relevant than Coop trying too hard. Was this a real date or a rumored date? All that talk about pix, but have you seen any? I don’t care if he’s gay or not, as long as we don’t get the bearding you’ve implied might be rolling into motion. Keeping it straight (no pun intended) on who is sleeping with/dating who, who is real and who is a beard, gives me a headache. And makes me sad. If Coop is gay, and wants to hide, I do suggest he partner with Disney who is the mastermind behind the Reese/Jake thing.

  11. jenn says:

    You know, I did think BC was gay — he looked terribly convincing in his sweater set in Wet Hot American Summer — but I’d long since shrugged it off. After all, his new fame is hard-won: maybe he thinks he deserves to play the field with celebrity heavyweights after all this time.

    But yeah, Denise Richards? Bleeeeaaaahhhh. It smacks of Seacrest-sucking-face-with-Teri-Hatcher. Bleeeeeeeeeaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhrrrgghhh.

    • vengefulblonde says:

      I agree, he was really good as the gay, musical theatre loving camp counselor… almost too good…
      It’s weird that hes a hollywood “hunk” now, to me he’ll always be humping Michael Ian Black in the rec closet at Camp Firewood.

      “It’s a chaiselounge, we didn’t know if you had one already”

  12. Laila says:

    He was in Alias too!! I loved him on that show

  13. E says:

    Man, there is probably a long list of Hollywood actors out there that are secretly (and sometimes no so secretly) gay. I wish they wouldn’t hide it though, because with some men its just so painfully obvious. Like come on, we all called it on Clay Aiken the moment he was in the spotlight yet he denied it forever! My bet is on Zac Efron coming out of the closet 5 years from now. If not sooner.

  14. Persistent Cat says:

    My relationship with Bradley ended when I found out he doesn’t drink. To help ease my pain, I imagined that he liked to be called B-Coop. It made it easier to break up with him. I can’t be with a guy called B-Coop who doesn’t drink. And is prettier than me.

  15. danielle says:

    molls, you’re my new fav, hands down. this could have been a snarky two line post about who went to dinner, but instead it was the most fantastic post i’ve read on this site in months!! nice work!

  16. Yawn says:

    Blah, blah, blah…

  17. Anonymous says:

    Nice work molls!

  18. joan says:

    ok, so he could just have really, really, really, bad taste. or it could be a super genius move because no one would suspect a hollywood gay to have such bad taste?

  19. Aileen says:

    Give him a break. BC doesn’t need to rush into the sack with anyone. It’s so stupid to believe that if he isn’t fucking an A-list star, he must be a homo. STFU.

  20. Orly says:

    I don’t buy these “Jake is gay” rumours. BOTH Reese and Kirsten Dunst being beards for years? C’mon. Where is the proof? Didn’t this speculation only start after Jake did Brokeback Mountain?

  21. Missy says:

    BC being gay is old news. There have been blinds about him for years. He’s Victor Garber’s lover.

    http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=1790428&st=90

  22. PrincessMarie82 says:

    Oh B-coop can f me any time not every guy is overly masuline. He can bring me along for whatever ride he likes. He’s hot and he’s a good actor if he turns out to be gay oh well. Why should anyone have to come out and say they are gay us straight people don’t walk around telling people we are straight. I think its his eyes that do it for me and he’s from my hometown bonus! Those size 14 shoes don’t hurt either.

  23. David Bowie says:

    “pulling a gyllenhaal” hahaha
    thats the best
    it should become a mainstream saying

  24. Jessie Zerr says:

    Bradley Cooper isn’t gay! :)

  25. kelly montoya says:

    do u really think he is gay ???

  26. Smalltowngirl says:

    noooooo :x
    please cooper you can't be gay, you're the hottest man I ever saw *-*
    marry me? DSIUHDSIDSU just kidding (:
    but really man…you are VEEEERY beautiful to be “wasted”.

  27. A spanish gay says:

    I have an extremelly accurate sixth sense to detect if someone is gay. I have seen some photos of Bradley Cooper in the Internet and my sixth sense tells me with no doubt that he is gay.

  28. Putt says:

    Why do most women continue to deceive themselves that a man looks too good to be gay? Gay men are some of the sexiest most handsome men alive. Gay men are the quickest to get marry to a woman, because they are sensitive and charming and women are attractive to those qualities. In fact some of the hottest actors in Hollywood stemming back from the 1940s were gay. Their relationships with women were all studio arranged. I too have looked at Bradley photos AND if tomorrow he declares that he is gay, I wouldn’t be surprised one bit. Take a look at his eyes and smile. Gay men have a way with their eyes and their smiles that set them apart from their straight counterparts.

  29. Laura says:

    He isn’t live with it. This morbid obsession have particularly damaged professional actors. The audience no longer considers actors in terms of skills but sees them like cannon fodder for gossip. Too many clichés, too much obsession for gossip. This obsessive interest in the actors’s privacy, overshadows any interest in their work and ruin their credibility devaluing it. I regret the times when if you talking about cinema, the matter did not amount to ‘how actors use their dicks’ As for this jumble of gay bullies…they would coming out even from corpses and statues, have the decency to shut up please and think hard on the wise words of this actor: http://popwatch.ew.com/2010/12/27/richard-chamberlain-gay-actors-coming-out/ STOP-COMING-OUT-IMPOSED-BY-FORCE.

  30. Meh says:

    Why are gay men so insecure that they feel the need to proclaim all men gay?

  31. Marianna says:

    I use to be so deeply in love with this dude. But now as I’ve seen him and his career progress, it’s only made me think that he only got with those ladies to further his stardom. And then after he got his big Oscar nomination from S.L.P Bradley is still trying to keep up appearances by being a freaking hypocrite. Stating that he could be Jennifer Lawrences father she who is 22 by the,way while He’s saying or whatever this new Suki Waterhouse girl who is just turned 21 by the way, I’ve seen her pictures she doesn’t look a day over 12! So I guess Bradley would much rather be thought of as a pervy dirty old man Nabokov stereotype to this aspiring model childs Lolita. It’s just plain sad is what it really is. Come out Bradley, we all know you’re really a Gaylord….just embrace it, we’ll still love ya no matter what! ;-)

  32. Mark says:

    Oh, for the love of God, enough of this! Who the fuck cares! I don’t know if Bradley Cooper is really gay, and I am pretty sure, most of you reading these words, are not entirely sure either. Having said that, I am sure most of you guys out there are madly in love with the guy and Brad’s “coming out” would be really wishful thinking about now. Try to picture his life ( Let’s think about this ) Famous actor, Lady Killer….Oscar nominated recipient. Who the fuck is going to come out when most know it might ruin his careers. More importantly, put yourselves in his shoes – would it matter…would it really matter?? As a gay male myself, it would be nice to say, “yea, Bradley Cooper is gay!” This is 2014, folks! Labels have no place in today’s world! Gay, Bi, Straight, it doesn’t matter – we all have the capability to love anyone!! Enough said, back to work!!

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