The cast for the newest season of Celebrity Rehab has just been announced. I’d love to know how many of the cast members you’ve ever heard of (without Googling) : Mike Starr (not the one from Alice in Chains), Joey Kovar, Dennis Rodman, Lisa D’Amato, Heidi Fleiss, Kari Ann Peniche, and Mindy McCready. Wait — Mindy McCready is alive?
But you haven’t heard the best part yet. Last season they had Gary Busey in some sort of honorary counselor type position even though he still smoked pot all the time. Eventually he realized that he needed some rehab too. Personally, I think they just told him he was going to be a counselor to get him into the program.
This season they have a new celebrity counselor — MacKenzie Phillips. If you aren’t familiar, allow me to give you the rundown on the washed up One Day At A Time — and yes, I find the title of her most well-known show to be beyond ironic — actress. She just went through her tenth rehab stint in the fall of 2008 after she tried to walk through airport security with cocaine and heroin. She’s been doing lines, and I don’t mean airport security lines, since the seventies. I mean, God bless her for never giving up the fight but I don’t think she should be dispersing How To Stay Sober advice at this time.
Truthfully, if I were a celebrity and arrived at rehab only to discover that MacKenzie I Have No Septum Phillips was the person who was going to help me in my recovery, I’d just launch myself out in front of a moving vehicle. Seriously, it would offer me better odds of survival.