So Beet emails me today and says, and I’m paraphrasing here, “Do you want to cover this Julia Roberts story? I know you have issues with her.” Isn’t she the politest Managing Editor yet? What she really means is that I have a completely irrational, illogical and completely inappropriate level of hatred for eighty percent of Hollywood including Julia Roberts.
In my defense, I don’t hate for the sake of hate. Julia Roberts is a trout-mouthed homewrecker. And not just a homewrecker, because everyone makes mistakes, but also just a general biznacho. As expected, she was a study in grace and poise last night as she participated in a tribute to Tom Hanks at the Lincoln Center in New York City. It went something like this:
“Alright well, it’s late and I’m paying my babysitter overtime and I have to pee. So Tom, everybody f—–g likes you. All my bits are gone. Listen, I had lunch today with Rita [Wilson, Hanks’ wife], and her t–s were here [motioned high] and her waist was here [motioned small] and her a– was like that [motioned high], so what can I tell you that’s new? Tom Hanks, what the f–k?”
Then she turned her aimless rant to a critique of Tom’s body of work:
“I love the Cohen brothers, but the hair Tom [in 2004’s Ladykillers], I didn’t even know what the f–k that movie was about!” [Regarding his movie, The Terminal], “You in the airport with the accent? It was a pass for me. Airport? Were you just an immigrant lost? I didn’t know. I love you, and I didn’t know what to do, really. God, I’m wearing the same f—–g dress tonight as your publicist!”
Then she had to wrap it up so she could, you know, go pee:
“Listen, I’ve got to get home. But this much we know … I will say this: Tom Hanks, ‘I love you.’ It’s so dark out there, I feel like I’m in space. Thank you, whoever just made it light. [Lost creator] J.J. Abrams, are you here?”
I think that this is a good time for me to reiterate that this was a tribute, not a roast. Isn’t Julia the classiest and most sober broad ever?
Update: Beet here, interrupting Wendie and her “issues.” :) We have the vid now:
31 CommentsLeave a comment
I don’t share all your irrational, illogical and completely inappropriate hatred for 80% of Hollywood. I only hate maybe 50%. But I’m completely with you on Julia. Absolutely everything she does & says & even the way she looks & acts bugs the shit outta me. And the whole husband stealing thing didn’t help too much either!
Remember the “a low Vera” T-shirt she wore to slam Moder’s wife? Real classy. Julia is part of that pack of narcissistic celebrities who think everything they do is amazing and that no one should ever call them on their assholishness.
i’m not sure what proof there is that she’s a homewrecker. moder and his wife could have already had problems and been separated. that bit about her leaving kiefer sutherland at the altar to run away with his best friend though? that’s pretty low.
With you 100% I fucking hate this c*nt. Harsh words, I know
I agree. She is a twat. I don’t know how she commands the kind of clout she gets. I don’t know anyone who likes her!
Emily Post is shitting in her Laura Ashley.
I’ve disliked Julia Roberts ever since the Bible of the Great Unwashed “People” magazine put her at the top of their fifty most beautiful people list about a thousand years ago. I could never figure out what got her on the list at all. Perhaps, it was the size of her “Jurassic Park” mouth, or, perhaps her equally oversized attitude.
What was Tom Hanks doing while she was spouting off at the mouth?
I too have hated her since I was old enough to care about celebrities. Everything about her just drives me absolutely crazy.
I dont know, i saw the video and there was an extreme amount of laughter going on during her bit. So i guess those involved found it pretty funny.
Probably because they were scared shitless she’d pull the same stunt on them…
I agree with pretty much everyone on here that she is horrible and I really don’t understand how she is able to command the kind of money she does per film. I thought her most recent one (few!) tanked?? Has she really done anything semi-decent since My Best Friend’s Wedding?
Agreed, she’s a dirty whore who shouldn’t have a career, she should just go away. She’s a roaring egomaniac who still sleeps with people for parts and connections, even while married for jobs, depending on the person – she’s a picky whore. I am not kidding I know this for a fact! Whee!
I love that her husband cheats on her regularly when he begs to go on surfing trip his friends make sure to bring whores along so he’s not lonely. Ha.
OOh, tell us more, since you know it for a fact!!!! I hear she doesn’t bathe that often and smells like B.O.? Are you saying she fucks actors or directors, or both? Love your inside info, for sure.
From the transcript she sounded drunk or high, but the video makes it seem like she’s doing a roast of Tom Hanks.
Wow she really went phony Hollywood star with her whole speech. What? C”MON>> you can’t put your finger on what you don’t like about her (listen to the tape again) It’s enough to make anyone sick of her, count the I’s and me”’s “”I I::: I me me me she couldn’t even talk about Tom Hanks for 1 minute before dragging her self centered self absorbed personality back into the speech. WAY WAY WAY>>>>>> too full of herself.
Eh, the transcript looks terrible, but the video is amusing and the audience obviously thought she was funny….you also left out the part where she said something heartfelt and kind about him at the end.
Finally, someone with a little bit of logic. The transcript makes it appear that she was drunk and just ranting. However, after watching the video it’s quite obvious that she is friends with Tom and was just poking a little fun. And I thought she was funny. And she did say some very nice, heartfelt things about him at the end.
I’ve never had a problem with her.
I loved her in Erin Brockovich
I loved her in that movie too!
How can you hate someone you don’t even know? For that matter, how can you say you love an actor or that they’re a nice person when you don’t know them at all to really form an accurate opinion?
I “hate” it when people say they hate or love actors when they really know nothing about them as real people at all.
So what if she doesn’t shower every day or use deodorant. It’s her choice, get a life people!
it’s a nice sentiment hun, but that’s 3 minutes 31 seconds of tape and 3minutes 17 seconds of it was about her. I’m with ya’ on this one Anonymous.
I can’t decide who I hate more, Julia or Gweneyth. A study in cuntiness.
Woah, I don’t know what all of you guys are freaking out about, it isn’t that much cussing to me at all. But what does it matter anyway? Its a roast, I’ve seen much cruder roast, she actually didn’t diss him that hard. If you watch the roast on Pamela Anderson they rip her apart.
GreyEyes: It’s not a roast, its a tribute.
That said, I thought it was very funny and since Julia Roberts has never done anything to me and probably never will do anything to me I don’t have a problem laughing at her clever speech.
The transcript made me cringe
but when I watched the vid I found it funny.
Then she brought it down a notch & said something nice
I don’t see why everyones annoyed…
I totally agree with you. Wendie left out all the nice things she said, not to mention the fact that the way she delivered the lines made it clear that she was joking and not being a bitch. Way to twist the story, Wendie!
the video is not nasty, it’s obvious she is poking fun at a friend, and shse does say a few nice things about tome hanks. but as always it’s about HER, not about him. she’s always been that way…remember when she announced denzel had won the oscar and she said something (i forget what it was) that made it about HER, and then she threw herself on the poor man. and – god forbid!- if someone isn’t paying attention to her she does her big, dumb horselaugh to get the attention back on to herself.
was there a ‘laugh-track’ being played cause…
after the 1st “what the fuck” it stopped being funny for me.
i mean shit, they were laughing like fuggin’ kathy griffin was on
very lame ass.
I thought the speech was quite funny, though I am not a fan of hers and she should have had a lot more integrity in how she started her relationship with Moder.
I agree with you so totally, I ceased caring about her ten minutes into Pretty Woman. Miserable-overpaid scary witch!