Didn’t I predict that Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel were going to be breaking up? I’m pretty sure I did. So what in the hell is Justin doing making positive statements in the media about his little hooker with a heart? In this month’s print issue of Hello magazine,(and speaking of “Hello”, uh, hello? Is that even a real magazine?) the former boybander was happy to swoon about his girlfriend of two years:
Recent paparazzi shots of Jessica trying on rings at a Los Angeles jeweler have only served to fuel the gossip that a wedding is [in] the cards – despite denials from Justin.
“I’ve been very lucky to find a woman as dynamic and as loving as Jessica,” says Justin. “Work has always been a huge focus in my life but now I realize how beautiful it can be to have someone to share it with. I’m so happy to have a great woman in my life.”
Q: Has it been difficult to keep you relationship as private as you might like?
“We do pretty much everything we want to do. Sometimes we get spotted by the paparazzi but usually we can find a quiet place to eat and no one will bother us. It can be distracting but you learn to keep walking and pay no attention.”
Q: Why is this relationship so special?
“We get along so well. The first thing we noticed when we started going out is how easily we made each other laugh. Sometimes when you meet someone it feels right from the beginning. She has a very engaging personality and we have a natural way of being together. I’m a lucky guy.”
Listen, Justin. I don’t give a rat’s ass about you and Jess and your special way, okay? All I know is that I do not appreciate you trying to fuck with my prediction success rate and I want this fuckery to cease immediately.
Le sigh. Is it time for me to hang up my hoop earrings and crystal ball? Hells, no.