Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Listen Up Everyone! Mischa Barton Has Some Relationship Advice For You!


Pay attention beyotches!  Mischa Barton is opening up-and no, not her legs this time.  She is back in the media, sharing her wisdom-yet again.  Will there ever be a day when we won’t have to be victim to her wisdom?  The answer is “No!”

Mischa is just so insightful-she really needs a pulpit and I’m willing to help make that happen.  I will personally lead the motion for the creation of a new religion-Mischatology, anyone?

Lesson one in the Book of Mischatology: Don’t get married.

The never married but always mighty Mischa has spoken:

“You see a lot of relationships fall apart because it’s the last step. There’s nothing left and a lot of dudes freak out and the women become bitchier. I see it to be bad for relationships.”

You know what I see to be bad for relationships?  Taking advice from Mischa Fucking Barton. So, before you all start tossing your engagement rings in the river, may we review Mischa Barton’s love life?  I’ll leave out the one night stands because I’m pretty sure that even the WordPress blogging platform that we use here has a character limit.

2004-05-  Brandon Davis.  Druggie, loser, leech.

2005-07-  Cisco Adler, better known as Penduballs.

2007-08-  Jamie Dornan

2008-      Brett Simon, Taylor Locke, Josh Hartnett

2008-09    Luke Pritchard

However, to fully subscribe to this new religion created by me, I must surrender and blindly follow her teachings.  Mischa’s doctrine is the gospel and I must abide by her word.  I’ll start by petitioning Richard Carpenter for a re-write of The Carpenter’s classic, played at every wedding in the 1970s, “We’ve Only Just Begun.”  I, uh, propose:  “We’ve Reached The Finish Line.”

Lesson two in The Book Of Mischatology:  Get Married When You Have Kids

Though Barton states clearly that marriage is an ending, she fully plans to indulge in the married bitchiness so her kids can pay the price…lucky (non) bastards!

“Whoever is going to be the father of my children, I’ll probably inevitably marry,” she tells OK!   “But that’s not on the cards anytime soon.”

Whew…thankfully that’s not on the cards anytime soon.

Stay tuned for more from The Teachings Of Mischatology including a chapter I’m really looking forward to, titled How I Made Ankle Weights Work For Me.

15 CommentsLeave a comment

  • Why does she think she’s still relevant???

    Also, why does she think we care about her dumb-ass advice?


  • So in psychology we learned that people who live together before getting married have a much much much higher chance of divorcing than those who choose to wait until they’re married to share a home. With living together before marriage becoming more and more common… you see where I’m going.
    I don’t know I think a lot of celebs do the living together first thing and that hurt their chances a lot, also factor in the gossip and paps and the fact that every person knows their details… they’re kinda doomed. I think her statement is pretty much based on celebrity relationships since i doubt she’s exposed to anything else.
    Marriage can work… both people just have to want it to, and work for it. I think society is just prone to the run when it gets rough mentality and that’s why divorce is going up nobody wants to work things out.

    • hm, that’s really interesting. why is it that when people live together before marriage have a higher chance of divorcing????

  • wendie, you are hilarious!!! mischa’s been either smokin’ a little… no, i take that back. due to her recent weight loss, it’s more probably she’s been snorting a little to much of something to even think she should be giving advice on relationships…

  • Oh yeah, I’m going to take advice from a woman who can’t stay in a relationship for more than a year. Idiot.

  • “I see it to be bad for relationships.”

    What the hell, is English her second language or something?