Today's Evil Beet Gossip

There Are No Words to Describe How Fucking Insane Michael Lohan Is

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A select few of us lucky gossip bloggers received this email tonight. It was from Michael Lohan, announcing the launch of his new blog, Mike Lohan Online. This blog is a fantastic idea, because now Michael Lohan can just skip the middleman of the New York Post or InTouch and just publicly talk shit about his daughter whenever he feels the urge. Evil has gone digital! This is an excerpt from his first post:

Today, on TMZ, my darling daughter Lindsay was asked for a comment in response to me saying, “Samantha is on drugs!”

Lindsay’s only response was, “look at him!”

WOW! Linds, how forthright! Let me ask you; was it me who was actually pictured in the train station with a bag full of prescription drugs? Do you see me out partying with Lindsay, my other children or having raging wars with her? Was it me who jumped out of a DJ booth and punched Lindsay when she was with Calum Best? Did I drive Lindsay around for hours in LA until she fell asleep and before I ran low on gas only to call the paps and sell pictures to them? Uh uh!

As a matter of fact, I was the one who tried to keep those kinds of parasites away from Lindsay. Like the psycho stalker “AJ’s,” the parasite publicist, the wanna be manager(s), the backstabbing bodyguards, and the not so helpful assistants and the in-laws from hell who spend their time getting high and robbing the victims of the 911 disaster relief fund.

No, not me, nor my family!

Sure, I made mistakes, but I righted the wrongs. I continue to hold myself accountable for everything I did and continue to do! I speak the truth! I love God and I love people who speak and know the truth!

NONE of us are perfect, but we should strive to be as perfect as we can. Don’t use people, don’t lie about people, don’t bare false witness, don’t be envious or jealous and certainly don’t LIE!

Remember, God is the TRUTH (John 14:6) and the devil is a liar (John 8:44). So you have two choices, represent God (the Truth) or the devil (a liar).

I pray pray pray for Lindsay’s sake that this shit is a joke that someone is playing on her. I pray that this is not actually her fucking father doing this to her. Because if this is the man who was supposed to be her fucking male role model, I am impressed, Lindsay, that you turned out as well as you did. You have a lot to be proud of, young lady.

And, Dad? I love you, and thank you thank you thank you for not really knowing how to use a computer, let alone start a blog to talk shit about me, and then notify all the major gossip columnists about its existence.

This is utter insanity. How could he do this to his own flesh and blood? It’s unthinkable. It’s classless. It’s cruel. It’s embarrassing. Lindsay, hang in there, baby. Every time he pulls this shit, we root for you a little harder.

32 CommentsLeave a comment

  • This is actually fantastic! Now we won’t have all those fake “friends” talking crap about Lindsay and Samantha to X17 etc – daddy dearest will just post his vile lies directly on his own site!

  • That man is so fucking disgusting. He hasn’t got a clue what goes on in his daughters life or his kids because they do not want him to be a part of it. Look at his claims, it’s all from tabloids, he is clueless.

  • i don’t care if my child killed the most people ever in recorded history, a parent’s job is 1. to make them ready to live without you, and 2. to love and support them. he is clearly a terrible person. how could you ever sell out your own child for some fame? astounding.

  • oh lord… yesterday I saw britney for the record, and I was so saaad for her. Here is the same thing, maybe Lindsay is even in a worst situation than Britney. How can this person do this to his daughter? And he talks about God, and Christianity??

    Poor Lindsay.. I would be ashamed of sharing the same last name with this piece of shit of a man …

    she may be rich young and famous, but I really don’t envy here…

  • Oh my God, this man acts like a bitchy little girl! Must he PUBLICLY react to everything his poor daughter says and does?

  • My Dad knows how to use a computer, but thankfully, all he does relating to me is post silly jokes on my Facebook and leave complimentary comments on blog posts. Thank you, Dad!

  • Mike Lohan is such a douche. does he know everyone hates him?
    pretending to quote scripture in this makes Christians look bad. He is like, I guess you can say, a wolf in sheeps clothing. He is using scripture to make himself look like the good guy (when he CLEARLY isnt) and that is something that the Devil himself does (MAtthew 4:1-11) to try to prove his point. Thus, Michael Lohan is evil like the devil (a liar) and not like God (the Truth)

    just had to say it. Im so sick of this guy being a publicly terrible father.

  • Wait, he doesn’t even know what his own name is? Michael Lohan has Mike Lohan on that site. Lols. He’s truly awful, I can’t believe he’s exploiting and embarrassing Lindsay like this. I wonder how Samantha Ronson’s family feels about him…..

  • he’s horrid for taking any feuds online. he’s a careless wannabe. i don’t like her at all but this is probably why she’s so fuct up – she has a parent capable of this. bad dad.

  • And THIS is why I am not religious in any way, shape, or form. Not that religion is horrible, trust me, a little faith takes people a long way. But every now and then, you get these crazy religious psychos that use religion to make others feel terrible about themselves. Let her do what she wants “Mike”, because if there IS a Hell, you’ll be burning in it very soon.

    P.S. To those of you that took me seriously about the last sentence. That wasn’t a threat. I’m not going to go on a Michael Lohan killing spree. It was just… Wishful thinking.

    P.P.S. But if I was given a gun and was legally protected from any punishment (which isn’t even possible, unless I kill him in self defense), let’s just say he would be at the top of the “food chain”.

    P.P.P.S. And by top of the “food chain”, I mean top of my Who to Kill list.

    P.P.P.P.S. Who would you kill after Michael Lohan? Is “Mike” the only celebrity dead beat dad?

    P.P.P.P.P.S. (Last one I PROMISE) Well, he sure is OUR Celebrity Dead Beet Dad! Ha ha ha ha, get it? I crack myself up!

    • Lol! You’re killin’ me, Cat! er – pun, that was – that was a pun. Like, haha, you’re killin’ me ovah heah, which is funny since you were talking about killing Michael Lohan and killing in general, and – the pun… um… heh – O.K., I’m just gonna stop talking now…

    • OK hello IM SICK every post i go … you are commenting P.S P.P.S P.P.P.S P.P.P.PS .P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.PP.P.P..SS.S.S.S.S. STOP NOBODY CARES YOUR S-TUPID opinion and if u want to coment put ALL TOGETHER NOT P.S.S.S.S.S.S.SSPPPSS.S..S it really freaked me out.

  • He’s not insane, Beet, he’s just a piece of shit, that’s all. He’s perfectly sane, just a foul, ignorant, trashy and asinine human being, that’s all. The world is teeming with shit-pieces like Michael Lohan.

  • Not everyone hats Michael – so you might as well forget about that. Michael has wonderful carisma and I for one love it. Take an alternate view for just one minute and watch Lindsay make the same exact same kinds of statments about Michael in the press as you see him making about her, well what can we all say? the branch doesn’t fall far from the tree.

    Micheal – take a deep breath now – let it go – Lindsay too and regroup. You both have a ton of dynamics in between you – and the medial loves this stuff so they add a ton of garbage to it.

    Hang in there – I for one only want you two to speak direct – this is how you stop the noise.

    I am sorry you are both dealing with this.

  • It looks like he has either taken down or heavily edited that original post.

    Thanks, Beet, for screencapping the actual email he sent to you and the others, thereby documenting the depths of his famewhorishness for all eternity.

    Poor Lindsay.

    • I agree, it’s hard to feel bad for any of them because as you said they are worthless. Both the father and the daughter are desperate for attention, it’s disgusting!

  • To me this is just sad and wrong. I don’t care how pissed off you are, you NEVER exploit your daughter. I’d file for a parental divorce. He’s so not worth dealing with.

  • Everyone hates him. I feel terrible for Lindsay, she is happy in her life right now with Sam, and what she needs most is love and support from her father but he turns around and exploits her every chance he can. Lindsay needs to get a court order and shut him up. I don’t give a damn how messed up their family “business” is, just silence him. Also, spewing his religious beliefs and who “he thinks she should be with”, is really fucking pathetic, he has no right to tell her who to love. Really? how old is he? 10? grow the fuck up and get some help. Your kids do not want to be around you because of the way you act, maybe if you made an effort to change your childlike behavior they would want to spend time with you.

  • To add to my previous comment:

    “ONE of us are perfect, but we should strive to be as perfect as we can. Don’t use people, don’t lie about people, don’t bare false witness, don’t be envious or jealous and certainly don’t LIE!”

    Perfect! HA HA!
    That statement is so laughable because Michael pretty much fails to follow his own advice.

  • I hope she files harassment charges at this point. Enough is enough. He needs to be put in the psycho ward on lockdown. He is CRAZY….and a detriment to anyone he has contact with.

    Under the law she can file a report stating harassment. The next blog he makes….whammo. Misdemeanor. Isn’t he still on parole for something anyway?….what an embarassment.

    Money and fame don’t make up for having a ‘father’ who is such white trash and would do this….