Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Lindsay Lohan Is Totally Sober

Yep.  Lindsay is so not drinking.  She didn’t look the slightest bit wrecked last night at the 6126 Holiday Collection Fashion Showcase at PURE Nightclub.  I know if I were in recovery, I’d be at nightclubs every weekend too.  Other than Sam Malone, who isn’t a real person, drunks and bars were never a good mix.  But Lindsay is different.  Special.  She can handle the temptations that millions of other alcoholics can’t.  God, I envy the superpowers of the famous.

I miss the slutty days of LL when she was fucking three guys per lunar phase.  It’s funny seeing how uncomfortable she looks posing with men lately.  It’s like “what do I do with this appendage that I once blew knew so well?”  Totally foreign territory to her now.  Now that she’s all monogamous and gay and not being arraigned every month, eh…kinda boring.  Her skin tone will always distract me however.  After appearing for weeks with ankles that didn’t match her legs, she finally adopted the ankle boot trend to hide her self-tanner sins.  Unfortunately, now one leg just completely doesn’t match the other.  Lindsay, you need to get a full body salt scrub and start from scratch on this whole faux glow deal you’re so wrongly committed to. 

And I’m sorry but this bears mentioning: there is a side shot of Lindsay being photographed by the paps.  Can we stage an intervention for the girl in the background who thought that she looked acceptable for any public viewing?  If we can’t help Linds, maybe we can save her.  She needs some Spanx and a Pilates machine yesterday.  Oh background girl, won’t you help yourself?  And I don’t mean to a bag of Doritos.

39 CommentsLeave a comment

  • oh man wendie, this is by far your best post. i have to go to confession now for laughing so hard at your end remarks.

  • That’s so mean about the background girl. Come on. Lots of americans are overweight, why do people still pick at people who are fat? When our country is still the fattest, even though I heard Australia maybe the fattest now.

  • it’s not the fatness under attack- it’s the fatness thinking it looked okay in that outfit. on a red carpet. in front of photographers.

  • Dlisted wasn’t posting anything new so I wandered over here to take a peek and caught myself laughing out loud at this post and actually enjoying the others. Then I thought, wow, the evil beet has really turned it around because normally I dont’ find her funny, more desperately trying to be funny. Then I realised that the reason it was so much better is that Wendie is posting. Right on Wendie good job you shoudl really be the main poster.

  • Best post ever, wendie! I love the new LiLo — but I need MORE!! I need some of that ferocity that she had a year ago! Gosh, I feel horrible for advocating drugs, sex, and alcohol. :X

  • Just because obesity has taken over a good portion of the population does not make it in any way acceptable. It’s still incredibly unhealthy…so can we please stop freaking out on behalf of the fat people (especially ones with questionable taste)? Because it’s only fair, considering the amount of “EAT A FUCKING SANDWICH” comments the thin people get. Speaking of which, LiLo is getting closer and closer to that “eat a fucking sandwich” point these days.

  • I feel like I’m missing something. I didn’t think this post was funny at all.
    Too long and rambly. Eh.
    Oh, and pointing out random fat girl in the background? Confusing. Who cares about random fat girl in the background? She just looks like some random fat girl. I see a dozen fat girls every day.
    This blog seems really obsessed with making fun of fat people lately. Which is fine, I guess, just rarely ever funny.
    “Have some Doritos, fatty! HAHAHA.” Meh. Not my style, I guess.

  • yeah…Beet, I gotta tell you- wendie just isn’t on par with you. It’s more insult than gossip, but without any funny. Not a fan.

  • Why does Samantha always make that ugly puss when she is photographed?
    It’s not a sin being fat but it’s a shame not knowing how to dress for your body type.

  • Okay, who is the creepy old guy that has his hands all over LL while she bites her lip trying to keep down the bile?

  • I like when people complain about the fat posts.

    I agree with Em that even though obesity is common, that doesn’t make it okay.

    I’m a smoker and I don’t think people should stop bitching at smokers. I don’t get particularly annoying at the truth commercials or something. I don’t go to blogs and freak out about harsh words about a smoker. Maybe its because at least I understand that what I am doing is unhealthy, and I accept that. Maybe some overweight people have yet to come to terms that although how they look may be considered “normal” on our society, it is still very unhealthy.

    I’m guessing wendie also made fun of her because she is in some tiiiiight spandex robert palmer video black dress. Which she is spilling out of, in not so nice ways. Almost no one could wear a dress like that (which is funny, because Linds is wearing a similar one and looks okay cuz she is soooo thin right now)

  • Does Samantha Ronson think that little angsty teen boy face looks remotely attractive?

    OH, I get it…she’s being edgy?

  • Am a little suprised she is still with the Ronson chick. Never thought I’d see her in a long term relationship. Although I would rather see LL play for my team I must admit they are actually pretty cute together and actually look really genuine (especially next to the zac and vanessas of this world).

  • isn’t sam a little old to be making the teenage “hurry up and take my picture because i hate everyone” photo face? she’s actually pretty when she’s smiling, but she hardly ever does it.

  • I really don’t think Lindsay looks that drunk in these pictures in fact, I think the opposite, I think she looks really good. And the pictures of Lindsay forcing Samantha to pose with her are beyond adorable.

  • That was like … too mean. That girl is not a celeb and she didn’t put herself out there for scrutiny. Yeah, I’m kinda pissed at how not cool this post is.

  • Eh, not funny, not close to EB standards. We’ve all seen Lilo wasted, and this isn’t it. Girl’s looking great and has gotten her life together. God knows there are enough real trainwrecks out there, give us something better. You just look petty trying to paint Lindsay with an old brush.

  • wow. wendie i’m sorry but these posts are WAYYYYYYYY to long. i can not even attempt to read as the words just go on and on AND on.
    i can’t read all of these lines

  • Wendie, you must be the fugliest bitch on earth, I have NEVER seen such a bully with no self-esteem like you… My gosh GO GET SOME EFFIN THERAPY! I mean, if you’re gonna talk smack about celebrities, at least show your “beautiful” body and face and lets see if you can compete against Lindsay… How many times have you been featured as a model in magazines?

    Ugh I honestly hate it when fat, ugly, jealous bitches just sit behind a desk to write shit about other people just because they WISH they could be them…. And since they can’t, they do the “next best thing” for them… Bitch, bitch and bitch.

    Well done Wendie, I hope you get to disappear your uglyness magically with all your bitching!

    And true, Lindsay made mistakes in her past… She’s in a stable relationship now and working on her projects, can’t anyone give her credit for that?

    Of course you won’t Wendie, because you’re too busy earning a living talking your bitter smack.

  • Yeah, I don’t like this one, either, mainly because it starts right off smugly and knowingly accusing LiLo of being a drunk again like her old days, which is just so obviously NOT the case. Lindsay looks fucking radiantly beautiful in these pictures, she doesn’t look wasted, not even buzzed, actually. Wendie, you say “I know if I were in recovery, I’d be in nightclubs every night, too,” but what you fail to understand or acknowledge here is that Lindsay is in CLUBS all the time because she goes to be by her girlfriend’s side at just about every single gig Sam Ronson ever DJs.

    Bashing Lindsay Lohan is so last year.

  • Y’know, I was so confused by the random-fat-girl part I didn’t even realize how baffling the initial statement was.
    I’m not rushing to defend the girl’s honor or anything, but honestly… she doesn’t look terribly drunk in any of these pics. It’s a rather weak attack, therefore not particularly funny.

    It seems like you have no real material lately. We just get boring shit overblown so as to justify the snark. It’s… weird.

  • I agree with Oooobby. Why make fun of an overweight girl who happens to be photographed? Not cool.

    Wendie’s posts are so mean-spirited. We don’t need another mean, unfunny blog.

  • You’re a fucking idiot. Recovering alcoholics spend time in bars all of the time…. myself included. Your life goes on and you go where the event is/your friends are, and sometimes it is a bar. There are a bunch of us that even work in bars. AA groups have been started by bartendars so they can meet on their schedule. Do a little research before you post again.

  • You know, I bet if wendie came in on the sly, posting under Beet’s name and no introduction or anything, none of you fucking whiners would say anything.

    You’re just picking on her ’cause she is new, and an easy target. And the fat girl comments?? For readers of a gossip blog, you are all astoundingly touchy.

  • I’m not picking in her ’cause she’s “new,” I was one who was always piping up in the bitch’s defense, but I’m not doing it anymore – why? Because it’s true, Wendie is NOT funny or witty in her writing, she’s trying way too hard, she’s far too bitter, and she’saying shit that is just pulled completely outta her ass, like this post trying to be so cool “calling out” Lindsay Lohan when obviously, Lohan is NOT drunk or even buzzed.

    I’m tired of Wendie, that’s all. She needs to step her game up. Her writing is far too endlessly bitter and I’m bored with it

  • i have to agree, i think the woman in the background is now very very sorry she stumbled into la lohan’s camera space. i also dont think she looks that bad.

    i suspect somebody is resorting to mean “humor” to make up for lack of ingenuity.