Today's Evil Beet Gossip

He’s Off the Market Ladies…

Last night Howard Stern and Beth Ostrosky made it official at Le Cirque promising to love, honor and tan together ’til a violated pre-nup do them part.  An over-surgeried 50 something marrying an 18 years his junior model…revolutionary! 

Other wedding highlights:  Sarah Silverman’s ass is a handrest for Jimmy Kimmel, Joan Rivers’ collarbone cracked by massive overload of QVC jewelry, John Stamos can be my Uncle Jesse anytime but only if he’s the perverted kind, Chevy Chase is old and bride raises hand ‘cuz she’s Sure.  Billy Joel continues to be a complete fucking bridge troll and Barbara Walters searches Le Cirque’s parking lot in hopes of locating her lost hairline.

31 CommentsLeave a comment

  • No offense, Beet, but couldn’t you have picked someone that didn’t make serious grammar errors her first day on the job? (No comma in the title and it’s ’til, Wendie!). Also, please don’t ever use “cuz.” Otherwise, interesting stuff.

  • hey wendie…you say some pretty funny shit!

    re; stern. if you listen to his show at all it’s obvious that he ain’t all about the vagina like he pretends to be. my guess is this marginally hot beth chick is quite happy to entertain the boring, ugly fucker for the 10 seconds or so it takes him to get off so she can then head out the door and fuck her trainer from the local gym for an hour or so. i’m sure it’s worth prostituting herself for the million dollar payout she’ll get. too bad she had to sign a non-disclosure as well!

  • Thanks for fixing the ’til : ) Now PLEASE do something about the title. “He’s off the Market, Ladies” would be correct. Although I guess you could say “He’s off the market ladies” now that he has Beth to do whatever it is he can do to and doesn’t have to depend on market ladies … Seriously, though, nice work, Wendie. I’m just a perfectionist.

  • Wow, sounds like Janie was one of the ones that DIDN’T get the job. Makes her feel better to critique… Oh well. I think you are doing a fantastic job Wendie – keep it up!

  • Oh my god Janie, if I were wendie, I’d reach through the computer and slap you. Hard. Every five minutes.

  • I’m on board with Lah-Dee-Dah. Janie is just jealous. Wendie, you are doing a great job keeping us informed.
    When I rented the movie ‘Private Parts,’ Howard said that he was lucky that he married his ‘best-friend.’ He and Allison’s character turned their backs and walked away with their children. That was a cliché that even Howard said that men use when they want out of their marriages.
    Everyone knew that it was only a matter of time before he dumped his wife for a much younger woman. Imuus was right about Stern.

  • haha, very funny shit, wendie. i definitely did that thing where i snort when i laugh and make my roommate feel really awkward. so congrats to you!

  • Wow, I sincerely apologize for any feathers I’ve ruffled. I legit believe that Wendie’s doing a great job … otherwise, would I keep coming back here to look at her updates? I’m very sorry if anyone was offended at my suggestions … I was just trying to help. Keep up the good work, Wendie!

  • @ Janie
    You know that a lot of authors have a personal writing style, and it’s perfectly fine to have a longer sentences without coma’s.

    Your picking her posts apart does make it sound like you might be a little jealous.

  • Wendie… you rock, minus the shit about Billy Joel… Sure his wife is about a second older than his daughter. BUT he sang happy birthday to me once in person and I LOVE him forever!!! So go easy on the Piano Man Bitch!

  • re; janie

    tell em to shove it up their collective asses. don’t apologize as it’s like throwing meat to a pack of hyenas. you’re civilized. they’re cavemen. simple.

    i’m guessing you’re not jewish.

  • @ censorthis:
    You didn’t capitalize the ‘t’ in “tell em…” There should be an apostrophe before the ‘e’ in “’em.” Capitalize the ‘d’ in “don’t apologize…,” the ‘y’ in “you’re…,” the ‘t’ in “they’re…,” the ‘i’ in “i’m…,” and the ‘j’ in “jewish.” Also, the mere word “simple” with a period at the end is not a full-sentence, so you might want to correct that. No need to thank me, you are very welcome. :)

  • @purplemonkeypaws: that “coma’s” was a JOKE, right? Jesus. Apostrophe protection society!

  • @purplemonkeypaws: that “coma’s” was a JOKE, right? Jesus. You must have just come out of your coma to spell comma wrong AND injure my eyes by inserting a superfluous apostrophe.


    Who really cares about a coma here and a period there, or if someone forgets to capitalize…

    This is a comment section, not a fucking English essay. You want to pick a fight with some one over the internet over god damn punctuation, then go for it you sad, sad people. Personally, I have better things to do than pick apart everything to find fault.

  • I don’t understand why she hired this person. I personally am a much better writer, and I applied. Huh.

  • re; la-de

    i feel like i learned something today. thanks for the rock hard boner i’m about to bitch slap your face with. you’re pal. censor

  • @ Lah-Dee-Dah

    Seriously, If Beet is ever looking for another writer my vote is on u. You and TSS would make the perfect couple! But I’d def have to go buy a big box of depends before handling both of you together!!!!!!

  • You can almost hear the sound of a cash register, and see dollar signs in her eyes. I give it less than 3 years.

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