Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Kathy Griffin Says She Never Let Steve Wozniak Put It In Her

“We were dating,” says Kathy about her relationship with billionaire Steve Wozniak, “but were just friendly. I never fucked him or anything! The truth is, we really were friends the whole time.”

Aw, Steve Wozniak looks like such a sweet little teddy bear, but, I have to admit, even for a shot at his billions, I probably wouldn’t have let him toss it in, either. He just doesn’t do it for me, ya know? I think it’s the fact that he actually looks like a teddy bear. Beady little eyes, fuzzy face, all of that. I mean, everyone loves their teddy bear, but no one wants to have sex with it. Unless you were one of those girls that grew up using their stuffed animals to masturbate. I knew a lot of chicks who did that. It never stopped striking me as strange, and I just think it explains a lot about their problems as adults.

What was I talking about? Certainly nothing more important than a discussion of using stuffed animals for masturbation …

Oh, right, Kathy Griffin.

“When we went to the Emmys together, I put on this really huge engagement ring and didn’t tell him,” she said. “There are these great photos of me posing with this great big fake diamond ring. He didn’t notice! I was like, ‘Oh, by the way at the Emmys, I had on a fake engagement ring!’ And he was like, ‘Oh, that’s very funny.'”

After Kathy and Steve split up, he got engaged to another chick. “I have had dinner with them, and she’s a thousand times more appropriate!” she said. “I hate to say it, but in the Bruce, Demi, Ashton [scheme of things], I’m the Bruce!”

I don’t know what that means. Is she saying that Ashton Kutcher is more appropriate for Demi Moore than Bruce Willis? Or is she saying that Steve’s new squeeze is like 26 years old?

17 CommentsLeave a comment

  • i took kathy’s remark as she’s the old hat of the bunch and he went for a younger lady after their breakup.

  • not all pleasure comes from putting something inside you. think how some lesbians get rubbing against each other’s “fuzzy areas”.. likewise you could do that with a fuzzy teddy bear i guess lol.

  • lesbians don’t get off by rubbing anything fuzzy against anything. Fingers, vibrators, dildos, etc. They’re here 4 us lesbos. As far as masturbation with a stuffed animal, no idea…

  • the Bruce remark means they’re still close friends even tho they broke up and he’s now engaged. as in how Bruce Willis would still hang out with Demi and Ashton and their kids after they split.

  • The whole Woz / Kathy “relationship” was strictly gimmick. They were never really together. I don’t know why no one has figured this out yet.

    Woz gets a little free publicity for Apple (I know he doesn’t work for Apple anymore but it helps his shares grow). And Kathy gets people like us gossiping about her gimmick-driven life on message boards which = better chance at ticket sales and ad dollars for her TV shows.

  • @Dollars

    Sort of like finding a couple old banged up trash cans, bolting them together and actually having some kind of useful invention. Perhaps Dr. Homer Simpsons’s Spino-Cylinder.

    Next she’ll get engaged to another unpopular female comedian, my guess is Wanda Sykes.

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