“We were dating,” says Kathy about her relationship with billionaire Steve Wozniak, “but were just friendly. I never fucked him or anything! The truth is, we really were friends the whole time.”
Aw, Steve Wozniak looks like such a sweet little teddy bear, but, I have to admit, even for a shot at his billions, I probably wouldn’t have let him toss it in, either. He just doesn’t do it for me, ya know? I think it’s the fact that he actually looks like a teddy bear. Beady little eyes, fuzzy face, all of that. I mean, everyone loves their teddy bear, but no one wants to have sex with it. Unless you were one of those girls that grew up using their stuffed animals to masturbate. I knew a lot of chicks who did that. It never stopped striking me as strange, and I just think it explains a lot about their problems as adults.
What was I talking about? Certainly nothing more important than a discussion of using stuffed animals for masturbation …
Oh, right, Kathy Griffin.
“When we went to the Emmys together, I put on this really huge engagement ring and didnâ€™t tell him,” she said. “There are these great photos of me posing with this great big fake diamond ring. He didnâ€™t notice! I was like, ‘Oh, by the way at the Emmys, I had on a fake engagement ring!’ And he was like, ‘Oh, thatâ€™s very funny.’”
After Kathy and Steve split up, he got engaged to another chick. “I have had dinner with them, and sheâ€™s a thousand times more appropriate!” she said. “I hate to say it, but in the Bruce, Demi, Ashton [scheme of things], Iâ€™m the Bruce!”
I don’t know what that means. Is she saying that Ashton Kutcher is more appropriate for Demi Moore than Bruce Willis? Or is she saying that Steve’s new squeeze is like 26 years old?