Mama Lohan Seems Insane

Well of course Lindsay’s mom is insane, that was a safe bet from day one. It’s Lindsay herself who is probably struggling against all the craziness. So it’s her I am growing fonder of and her parents whom I’m starting to wish bad things upon. Here’s what loony toons mom had to say:

AP – New York Dina Lohan says her daughter Lindsay isn’t an alcoholic and that people are wrong to assume that she’s a club-hopping “party mom.” “Oh, the party mom, the party mom, the party mom!” Lohan says. “Whoever said that, my ex-husband or whatever, I’m not the party mom!”

First off, when you have to repeat something three times you’re then that thing. It’s just a fact. Watch this. “Oh, like I’m angry with you, so angry, look at the angry guy over here!” See? I said it three times because I couldn’t think of something more coherent to defend myself with. I’m clearly angry. Verdict: her mom is the party mom.

“Listen to me: Lindsay would drag me, literally drag my loser butt (to a club) and say, `I need you to know who these people are,'” Lohan, 44, says in an interview in the April issue of Harper’s Bazaar, on newsstands Tuesday. “Yeah, she trusts my judgment. She’s in such a whirlwind; she’s in a tornado. I mean, we’re talking serious earthquake, you know?”

Again with the three example thing, an excellent sign of mania. The “you know” signifies that she’d like you to join her in crazy city if at all possible. Besides that, non-crazy people say “I just feel like Lindsay needed someone there for her. She’s going through a lot.” Manic people use physical disaster metaphors. I wonder if we threw some mood stabilizers down her gullet and then talked to her what she’d sound like.

“Lindsay had to fall and get up,” she says. “I knew it was coming. I told her, but finally she was like, `Mommy, I had to do it myself.'”

YIKES! This means that either Lindsay calls her mom “mommy” or her mom infers that she’s her “mommy.” Either way it’s bad news because “mommy” is used by three year olds. When an adult calls you “mommy” it means they need help, they are powerless. They are using the verbiage of a kid. When a mom calls herself “mommy” it means she wants the control of her daughter being a three year old again. Like I said, either way, it’s not great news.

So the sum result is Lindsay is dealing with a self destructive father and an insane manic depressive mom. Most likely this is what got the happy couple together in the first place. So Lindsay here’s the route I’d take if I were you: Drink for a bit. Get that out of your system. Then get in about a therapy session a day to get the answers you need. Stop trying to get them from your parents because sadly they’re never going to have them.