Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Oh My God I Am Old

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Bunim-Murray Productions is beginning casting for the 20th — and what may be the last — season of Real World. Bunim-Murray’s contract with MTV ends after this season, and, while they may or may not renew, it seems they are hoping this twentieth season will be maybe a little less vapid and hyper-sexed than the previous, oh, fifteen seasons. Reads the release:

For Real World’s upcoming 20th season, we are searching for cast members with career and life goals that they want to pursue in a major metropolitan city.

Aspiring actors, models, dancers, filmmakers, musicians, athletes, artists, journalists, stylists, and fashion designers are particularly encouraged to apply, as well anyone else with interesting career goals and a passion to succeed.

So, basically, if you’re a drama queen with a dream, Real World wants you. Working ’round the clock to cure cancer? No thanks. Engineering a next-generation alternative-fuel vehicle? Tell it to The Discovery Channel. Do you become particularly bitchy when your Ferragamo blouse becomes wrinkled by your football-standout roommate/sometime hook-up in a late-night drunken grabfest because you were totally going to wear it to your interview with Vogue tomorrow? MTV WANTS YOU AND YOUR GOALS!

Pop culture’s summary rejection of any career path with even a marginal chance of improving the quality of life for anyone not regularly featured in Us Weekly may seem to be the most depressing aspect of this article. Not true. Here’s the most depressing part: I have aged out of The Real World. I thought it would never happen, but it did. It’s not like I ever really wanted to audition, I just wanted to know that I still could. But the dream is over. I am officially too old for The Real World. This is what adulthood feels like, I suppose. My stomach hurts.

And my depression is furthered by the comments left by the fucking fetuses who are upset that they are too young to ever have their shot at drunkenly flashing their breasts and denying their eating disorders week after precious week for a national audience.

Exhibit 1:

PLEASE DONT LET THIS BE TRUE I’LL CRY I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE ON THE REAL WORLD IM 15 THIS YEAR GONNA BE 16 SO WHEN I WAS GOPNNA BE 18 I WAS GONNA DROP COLLEGE OMG I FEEL DEPRESSED SERIOUSLY!! OMG nooo!! it cant im gonna send in a video!

Exhibit 2:

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ll be 18 in six months, and i’m totally in love with the Real World. There are so many cities to go to, PLZ, just a few more seasons.

These people weren’t even born when The Real World premiered. To them, the name Pedro is synonomous with an iconic class president candidate, not American youth’s initial face of the AIDS epidemic. They don’t even deserve to be on this show if they don’t remember how it started, when there was substance and meaning and insight and, just, ARGH.

I am so old.

8 CommentsLeave a comment

  • We aged out of “The Real World”???
    I’m really old and sad.
    Our pop princess is in Rehab, we can’t be on “The Real World” and slap bracelets are never coming back.
    Goodbye my youth…goodbye.

  • I guess it depends on the type of journalist and/or filmmaker. I mean, sure, while there exists the occasional Gloria Steinem or Michael Moore, that’s not who MTV’s looking for. They want the Lucy Spillers and Dawson Leerys of this world.

  • You know, just when I was almost okay with the whole almost-thirty thing you had to go and write this. I was going to go out tonight, now I’ll stay home and look for grey hairs. Maybe have tea.

  • Here’s to mourning the aging out of everyone who remembers when the Real World was a cross section of the potential of youth. Did you know that Pam from San Fransisco became a doctor and worked in AIDs research and education? I just read that some of the twits from Las Vegas posed for Playboy. When the fuck did we get so old that the “kids” seem to have gone crazy?

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