Let’s take a look at what Kristin’s done since her Laguna Beach wrapped in 2005:
- Dated Brody Jenner (WHO IS BRODY JENNER???)
- Lost Brody Jenner (WHO IS BRODY JENNER???) to Nicole Richie.
- Wore obnoxious t-shirt to express her apathy.
- Started tooling around town with DJ AM, Nicole Richie’s ex. Aforementioned apathy seriously in question.
- Hosted “Get This Party Started,” a reality series about the devastating impact global warming is having on our planet’s arctic regions, a topic dear to Kristin’s heart. No, I’m kidding, it was about partying, and it was canned after two episodes. Girlfriend, if Tara Reid can’t make that premise work, your amateur ass shouldn’t even be trying.
- Landed two B-grade movie gigs: Fingerprints, a no-name thriller in which she appears to have a bit part, and Spring Breakdown, a comedy whose IMDB page doesn’t even list a character name for her.
Kristin, sweetie, here’s a tip for you. If you want to stay in the papers, take a look around you. What are all the other famous-for-nothing girls doing? What sells magazines? What do rubber-neckers worldwide love to see on a cover?
That’s right, honey: Anorexia. It’s the obvious next step.