This has been an eat-my-hat sort of week for me. First, much to my chagrin, the oft-maligned-and-usually-by-me Brad Pitt did something awesome. Now, John Mayer, who I consistently find to be pedantic, cocky, self-centered, obnoxious and off-the-fucking-charts sexy and brilliant (grrr!) gives a pedantic, cocky, self-centered, obnoxious and off-the-fucking-charts sexy and brilliant interview to Rolling Stone (grrr!). Some highlights:
On Brangelina: â€œEveryone thinks Brad Pitt has it great because he married Angelina Jolie. I think he has it terrible, because when Angelina Jolie is giving you a blow job, what do you tip your head back and think of to help you finish? You have nothing left â€“ just Jesus on a polar bear in the middle of the snow saying, â€˜You greedy motherfucker, Iâ€™ve got nothing for you.â€™â€
On being on tour: â€œI slept with, like, three girls a week.â€
On his cock: â€œIâ€™m not worried about how small my penis is â€“ Iâ€™m worried about how dark it is. I have a Dominican penis. My penis hit six home runs last year; my penis wears shoes without socks.â€
He also has some manner of album coming out. It will, most likely, be pedantic, cocky, self-centered, obnoxious and off-the-fucking-charts sexy and brilliant (grrr!).
Update: I forgot to mention that John Mayer had one little lapse of brilliance here; Brad Pitt is not married to Angelina Jolie. They are merely living in sin. They will get married when, and only when, you can marry your hot 13-year-old niece.