Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Lady Gaga Claims That She’s Done Talking

A photo of Lady Gaga

Ok, here’s a rundown real quick, just in case you’re new: I can’t stand Lady Gaga. I hate pretty much everything she does. She gets on my last nerve. I waste a lot of time just wishing that she’d go away, or at least just stop being so ridiculous for a minute.

And now here’s the good news, ready? You might want to brace yourself, because it’s really, truly excellent news. See, Lady Gaga did an interview with Oprah, and she made a big statement:

“I have a couple of things that I do. The newest thing that I do? I don’t read a damn thing. No press. No television. If my mom calls and says, ‘Did you hear about … ?’ [Makes phone slamming motion] I don’t want to hear nothing about anything that is going on in relation to music. I shut it all off. Other than this interview, Oprah, I don’t intend to speak to anyone for a very long time.”

Amazingly great news, right? Just let the idea of a world without crazy Gaga wash over you. It’s a nice idea, right? Ok, but here’s the bad news: I really don’t think it’s going to happen.

There’s this couple that recently moved into the apartment above me, right? And I was really, really excited about that, because the last couple that lived above me dropped dog poop and used tampon applicators off outside my window, and surely no one could be as bad as them, right? Wrong. This couple fights all the time. I’m trying to finally go to sleep around 3 AM, nope, she has to yell at him about texting some girl. I’m trying to catch up on sleep by getting in an afternoon nap? Nope, he’s got to scream at her about being “a f*cking whore.” One of his favorite things to do is go “I’m going to leave, I’m really going to leave! I’m out this door, you ain’t never going to see me again! I’m gone!” He seriously does this all the time, he goes on and on and on about how he’s going to leave, and I’m always like “oh no, please, don’t go! You’re such a light to this world, your shining spirit would be far too missed!” I say it sarcastically, guys. Because if you’re going to yell and scream and cuss about leaving for hours, then just leave. Go.

That’s how I feel about Lady Gaga. I feel like she’s looking for a big fuss of “noooo, Gaga, please, you have to stay!” If you’re going to go away, then just go away. Please.

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