20Caption This: This Week’s Photo

Hello, beeters! It’s that time again – a new photo, a new chance to caption for some awesome Evil Beet prizes. Remember guys, never lick a cactus, it’s not as fun as it looks. Therefore, take a look at the photo above and give us your funniest, most unique captions below, then check back next week to find out if you’ve won.

As for last week’s photo, here’s the winners below.

Winner: Justthinkin’ with :”Wop! Wop! Wop! Wopwop! Douchebag style”

Runner-up: TeeGee with: “I’d like to sing my new song now, “Ex Today Show Host Has No Style.””

So come on guys, get captioning on this week’s photo!

May 14, 2013 at 10:00 am by Jennifer

0Justin Bieber’s Concert Revenue Stolen By Thieves In South Africa

Listen, I don’t advocate theft at all, but we are talking about douchebag extraordinaire Justin Bieber here, so I think I can make an exception. Here’s what went down: thieves in Johannesburg, South Africa spent days chiseling through the walls of the Soccer City Stadium, where Baby Elvis had performed several shows, and then lowered themselves down into the building and made away with about one million rand – or $108,800 – of profits generated from Bieber’s concerts.

From BBC Newsbeat:

The gang, armed with ropes, hammers and chisels, broke into a strongroom, according to local media and police.

Officials at the stadium, which hosted the 2010 World Cup final, only realised the cash was missing on Monday morning.

The haul included takings from the Justin Bieber concert and a gig the previous evening by rockers Bon Jovi.

“The money was taken from the building and they only realised today,” said a police officer from Booysens police station in Soweto.

“We don’t know how many people were involved as we are still gathering evidence.”

It’s thought the thieves may have taken several days to chisel their way through a thick wall at the FNB stadium outside Johannesburg.

They then lowered themselves by rope into a room used to store cash and escaped undetected.

South African police spokeswoman Katlego Mogale said: “The suspect had gained entry through the roof.

“They broke the tile of the bathroom between last night (Sunday) after the concert and this morning.”

The suspects haven’t been caught yet and probably won’t ever be, but police are investigating further, so never say never…

May 14, 2013 at 9:30 am by Jennifer

0theAMlinks

Taylor Swift is a time-traveling Satan worshipper [The Superficial]

Armie Hammer is all alone in Tokyo – won’t someone save him? [LaineyGossip]

RuPaul did an interview with The New York Times and it’s amazing [The Frisky]

Someone claiming to be Rihanna posted a tit pic on Instagram [Drunken Stepfather - NSFW]

Try not to vomit when you think about Katy Perry gyrating with Mick Jagger [Starpulse]

Zooey Deschanel’s running through Central Park and her bangs are back! [Splash News Online]

Michael Douglas really loves talking about kissing Matt Damon, it seems [ICYDK]

Cut-out dresses may be all the rage in Hollywood, but they’re still ugly [Socialite Life]

What in the hell happened to Nicki Minaj’s face? Anyone? [Amy Grindhouse]

Chris Pine cries all the time – we’ll dry your tears! [Celebitchy]

Hayden Panettiere is in a bikini and wants you to check out her body [Drunken Stepfather - NSFW]

Nicholas Hoult poses for some fancy pictures while Jennifer Lawrence is in Canada [Bohomoth]

Celebrities aren’t exempt from being annoying hipsters, it seems [theBERRY]

Who has better hair, Diane Kruger or Kerry Washington? You tell me. [Yeeeah]

Lovely to see that Chris Brown is as charming as ever! [IDLYITW]

Britney Spears is hard at work at rehearsals so everyone can shut up [I'm Not Obsessed]

If Minka Kelly is your thing, I bet you’ll love seeing her ass [G Celeb]

Someone congratulated Matthew Perry on his show being canceled [StarCrush]

Selena Gomez demands ramen noodles on tour because why not? [PopCrush]

Jay-Z is a pretty great dad to Blue Ivy, in case you had doubts [Bossip]

Keira Knightley and her husband are on their Honeymoon so of course there are photos [Hollywood Backwash]

Jessica Alba hasn’t been interesting since she was 11 years old [TooFab]

May 14, 2013 at 8:30 am by Jennifer

1Oh, F-ck Off Already: Gwyneth Paltrow Won’t Shut Up About How Much the Met Ball Sucked

Gwyneth Paltrow is still under the misguided notion that anyone cares what she has to say, so she’s still ranting about the Met Gala over a week ago and how much it “sucked”. I don’t see what made this event suck any more than any of the others you have to get out of your pyjamas to attend (so, all of them?), but whatever, let her keep digging herself deeper until she hopefully falls through the other side of the earth and floats into space so we never have to hear from her again. That’s how these things work, right?

From The Kyle and Jackie O Show:

“Do you want me to be honest? It sucked.

“It seems like it’s the best thing in the world – you always think, ‘Oh my God, it’s gonna be so glamorous and amazing and you’re going to see all these people’ and then you get there and it’s so hot and it’s so crowded and everyone’s pushing you.”

“Kanye West was playing and he was all furious and he threw his microphone down and it was all drama. I don’t know why [he was mad].”

HAHA, u mad, Kanye? Not as mad as Gwyneth is, apparently. I seriously just do not get why this insufferable woman continues to speak.

May 14, 2013 at 7:30 am by Jennifer

9Angelina Jolie Undergoes Double Mastectomy, Writes About It Quite Frankly

Angelina Jolie may not be my favourite Hollywood personality, but she is a pretty solid human being in terms of her advocacy and activism for important social justice issues and her philanthropy. Plus, she’s living proof of the fact that celebrities can have privacy and live lives out of the spotlight if they really want to – especially after she revealed the shocking news that she recently underwent a preventative double mastectomy in a wonderfully frank and quite moving op-ed for The New York Times on Monday.

Jolie, whose mother died after a decade-long battle with breast cancer, discovered last year that she is a carrier of the BRCA1 gene mutation which gave her a nearly 87% chance of suffering from breast cancer as well as a 50% chance of ovarian cancer. This is devastating news, but news which she refused to take lying down, instead opting for surgery to cut her risk drastically.

Once I knew that this was my reality, I decided to be proactive and to minimize the risk as much I could. I made a decision to have a preventive double mastectomy. I started with the breasts, as my risk of breast cancer is higher than my risk of ovarian cancer, and the surgery is more complex.

On April 27, I finished the three months of medical procedures that the mastectomies involved. During that time I have been able to keep this private and to carry on with my work.

But I am writing about it now because I hope that other women can benefit from my experience. Cancer is still a word that strikes fear into people’s hearts, producing a deep sense of powerlessness. But today it is possible to find out through a blood test whether you are highly susceptible to breast and ovarian cancer, and then take action.

My own process began on Feb. 2 with a procedure known as a “nipple delay,” which rules out disease in the breast ducts behind the nipple and draws extra blood flow to the area. This causes some pain and a lot of bruising, but it increases the chance of saving the nipple.

Two weeks later I had the major surgery, where the breast tissue is removed and temporary fillers are put in place. The operation can take eight hours. You wake up with drain tubes and expanders in your breasts. It does feel like a scene out of a science-fiction film. But days after surgery you can be back to a normal life.

Nine weeks later, the final surgery is completed with the reconstruction of the breasts with an implant. There have been many advances in this procedure in the last few years, and the results can be beautiful.

I wanted to write this to tell other women that the decision to have a mastectomy was not easy. But it is one I am very happy that I made. My chances of developing breast cancer have dropped from 87 percent to under 5 percent. I can tell my children that they don’t need to fear they will lose me to breast cancer.

There’s more to the article – Jolie discusses how the decision affected her and her children emotionally, how supportive Brad Pitt has been throughout the ordeal and also encourages other women to seek options should they find themselves in the same position. The whole thing is definitely worth a read. Kudos to Angelina Jolie for bringing attention to this very important – and increasingly common – issue.

May 14, 2013 at 6:10 am by Jennifer

3Zoe Saldana Is Done Dating Actors; Next Partner Might Be A Woman

Zoe Saldana is naked in this month’s issue of Allure magazine and is also ~~emotionally bare~~ as well. She gives some fantastic soundbites about her life and her sexuality. From Allure:

[I might] end up with a woman raising my children…that’s how androgynous I am!

Being androgynous doesn’t mean the same thing as being with a same sex partner but okay, fine, whatever makes you happy. Allure tries to get more out of her:

Has she had a relationship with another woman? She deliberates, then says, “Promise me one thing: You’re going to ask this question [in the article]—if you choose to, just put three dots as my response. That’s it.”

“…”

Edgy.

She states she will not date actors again saying, “Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.”

She looks beautiful, in Allure‘s classic make-under style:

I’m a fan of this look for her. Gorgeous hair. I find her personality kind of boring. No real reason why.

May 14, 2013 at 5:30 am by Catherine St. Ives