Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Heidi Montag wants to be someone’s mother

heidi montag spencer pratt

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt aren’t fit to take care of themselves, let alone take care of another living being. However, something put childbearing into Heidi Montag’s mind and she posted a photo of an ovulation testing kit on Instagram… unbeknownst to Spencer, of course.

heidi montag instagram

Kewl. It’s not like they’re completely and utterly broke with no career prospects, no real world skills and a massive interest in even being parents to begin with. I mean, listen to what Spencer told Hollywood Life just last year!

I don’t think either of us have real careers. I look at families and the world and providing—right now we don’t have to worry about it. But to add on how to afford kids to go to private school, to have clothes, to go to college … I have no concept of how any of that stuff is possible!

Me either, Spencer. Me either. I fear for this yet-to-be-conceived child, I truly do.

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Is Patrick Schwarzenegger Miley Cyrus’ New Man?

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Miley Cyrus, MAC Viva Glam spokesperson, may have found a new man, and in Patrick Schwarzenegger — you know, Arnold‘s kid. (By the way, I’m still unclear if Patrick wants to go with Shriver or Schwarzenegger as a last name — he uses both, and PEOPLE went with Schwarzenegger, so I will, too.)

They were photographed making out at a USC game (above). I am dying that he’s holding his phone in one hand. PEOPLE claims he’s using it to take a selfie of their kiss. Yeah, I don’t think so. Here’s more on the “story”:

It wasn’t the first time they had turned up together. The model-actor and pop star, both 21, were spotted riding together in a chauffeured SUV on Wednesday after they left a Q&A session in Hollywood for a film produced by Schwarzenegger’s mom, Maria Shriver, titled Still Alice, TMZ reported.

They were also seen together on Halloween when they hit up Universal’s Haunted Hayride, and a source confirmed to PEOPLE they’d been visiting each other’s homes.

Okay, so I guess they’re a thing now. Miley hasn’t posted anything about it on her Twitter or Instagram…yet. Patrick hasn’t tweeted about it or instagrammed it either.

It’s hard to say who is a worse influence. Patrick is kind of a jerk, and Miley is, well, Miley.

What do you think of this coupling?

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Alfonso Ribeiro May Have To Drop Out Of “Dancing with the Stars” — NOOOOOO

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This one is hitting me hard, you guys. Alfonso Ribeiro, AKA “Carlton” from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air has been absolutely killing it on Dancing with the Stars, but may not be for much longer. He really injured himself, and it’s all thanks to performing his signature move, “The Carlton”, on the show (skip to 2:24 for the full-on dance):

TMZ has an exclusive:

Our DWTS sources say Ribeiro injured his back during rehearsal Wednesday night as he tried to overcompensate for a groin injury which he suffered on the show, performing his signature move.

The back injury is bad — he’s having trouble even walking. Alfonso skipped rehearsals Thursday so he could get an MRI.

Doctors are telling him the next 48 hours are critical, but they say there’s a real chance he can’t dance.

NOOOOO. Mr. Ribeiro is a front-runner for the mirrorball trophy and a fan favorite. He’s gotta pull through!

As you can tell, I’m way into Dancing with the Stars this season, and I feel no personal shame or guilt about this. Since we haven’t had a DWTS post in a while, let’s have one now. Who are you rooting for? Who do you want gone? Personally I want Janel and Val gone. So over their fake showmance bullshit.

ALFONSO FOR THE WIN!!!

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Naya Rivera is ‘Single White Female-ing’ Kim Kardashian

naya rivera kim kardashian

The world hasn’t shut up about seeing Kim Kardashian‘s tits, ass and vagina (again) this past week in her latest magazine shoot, and one of those people who has an opinion is former Glee star and noted crazy person Naya Rivera. It’s pretty clear that Naya has modeled her entire image – especially during the past year – on Kim, but suddenly she’s sounding off on how Kim shouldn’t be stripped down because she’s a mother.

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Obviously Kim is too much in her own world to take any notice, but that doesn’t mean her BFF Jonathan Cheban won’t have his say. In fact, he wrote a pretty intense blog post in which he accused Naya of Single White Female-ing Kim and basically gave some serious burns out.

From his blog, The Dishh

Naya has always been a step BEHIND… And this time she has seriously fallen BEHIND like Daylight Savings Time!

After a year-long tour of impersonating Kim, she decided to come out of her shell and make a real statement about Kim’s Paper cover (which has to be one of the hottest, if not the hottest cover all year).

As expected, she’s getting some press and when all else fails, use Kim. I’m personally disgusted that after badgering Kim all year and trying to hang out and do business together, she goes and tries to make a statement like this. Yes, Kim is a mother, BUT WHO CARES… have you ever heard of a MILF?! The world wants to see her all day like 1010 Wins. Paper is one of the artsiest magazines and has a legendary reputation for being creative and edgy. Who the f*ck is Naya to throw in her meaningless comments??

We all know you want to be Kim, but you don’t got it boo, and the only cover you will be gracing is the Single White Female 2 straight to DVD box set.

DAAAAAMN. Got her! Jonathan also compared some side-by-side pictures of Naya and Kim to show just how similarly they’ve dressed. LOL at all of this. It’s all so petty… and hilarious.

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Niecy Nash advocates daily blow jobs to avoid divorce

niecy nash

We don’t talk much about Niecy Nash around here, and I don’t quite know why not. After all, she’s batshit crazy, and we love that, so… clearly I fell off on that one. But I’m here to make things right! I mean, how can I not share Niecy’s recent interview with Playboy, wherein she talks about random shit including her book (It’s Hard to Fight Naked) how ladies should give their man a blow job every day if they want to stay married forever. Kewl advice, tell me more!

What I say in the book is, “A BJ a day keeps the divorce attorney away” and I say that because I feel like men are profoundly simplistic, which is the reason I wanted to call my book what I used as the title of chapter three, which is, “Stomach Full, Penis Empty: A Woman’s Guide to a Happy Marriage.” Keeping him fed and drained, you have no problem. We are really more complicated than they are and I think that women are more generous with oral sex because we nurture by nature. We want to be pleasing by nature, that’s in our DNA, so I think that a lot of the behavior we’re looking for sexually, you might have to educate your partner. Sometimes, men just assume they’re going to get it and you need to be like, “Give me mine. Ladies first.”

What’s so interesting is that [women are] more willing to have conversations about “Do you want to get married? Where do you see this relationship going? Do you want to have children?” than we are to ask, “What kind of sex do you like? What are you into there?” You know what I mean? And that’s a conversation that a lot of people dive into but if you’re going to be with someone for the rest of your life and they’re failing to meet your sexual needs is like doing a slow dance with death. We need to make sure we can meet right there in the middle. The best thing that could have ever happened to me, and I was so fearful when I did it, was I got my tubes tied and had a hysterectomy. It gives me and my husband a different liberty — we can do what we do anytime, anywhere, at a moment’s notice. So that’s a sidebar into my situation, but I can get the party started.

I mean, I… guess I can kinda see what she’s saying… sorta? By that I mean, when you’re in a relationship with someone long term, you want to make sure ALL of their needs are met – emotional, mental, physical, and yes, sexual. But if you’re using blow jobs to keep your relationship together, chances are you’re covering up far bigger problems than sex can fix.

Anyhoo, I’m probably not the best person to sound off on this one. Ladies (and applicable gentlemen)?

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Lorde covers Jeremih’s ‘Don’t Tell ‘Em’ in BBC Radio 1′s Live Lounge

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I really liked Lorde‘s debut album and I really like what she represents in music. I like that sick burn she gave to Dipshit Diplo yesterday. I like that she doesn’t give a fuuuuuuck what you and I might think of her. One thing I do not like? Her “dancing”. It’s so distracting! In theory it’s great, because she’s totally into it, doing her thing, getting her groove on, clearly not caring whether she looks like she might be having a seizure. That’s awesome and she should keep doing her. But from a viewing standpoint, I have to turn off any visual of her in order not to ruin the sound – and the sound is pretty awesome in this case.

Lorde stopped by to visit Annie Mac in BBC Radio 1′s Live Lounge yesterday, where she covered Jeremih’s ‘Don’t Tell ‘Em’ and did a pretty amazing version of it. I’m not sure why she’s dressed like it’s mid-summer in a crop top when it’s the middle of November, but again, let your freak flag fly, girl! Be a free spirit!

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Best And Worst Celebrity Looks Of The Week!

We've got TWO Jennifer Aniston looks for you this week. What fun!

We’ve got TWO Jennifer Aniston looks for you this week. What fun!

Welcome back to Best and Worst Celebrity Looks of the Week! Have you had a splendid week? Mine wasn’t too bad. But now it’s time for critiquing fashion, everyone’s faaaaavorite thing to do, right? Yeah. So go through the looks and make your picks for who had the BEST, WORST, and most WTF look of the week!

 

Charli+XCX

Charli XCX. Those shoes. THOSE SHOOOOOESSS!

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