Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Johnny Depp’s Dogs Will Be Put Down If He Doesn’t Leave Australia

amber heard johnny depp

This is a bit of a strange one, I must admit, but I truly don’t get why people don’t just… you know, abide by the law. Basically, Johnny Depp and Amber Heard recently arrived in Australia on a private jet. The problem is that they had their two dogs, Boo and Pistol, on board and they didn’t declare them. In Australia, you have to keep your dogs under quarantine for 10 days when you arrive to assure they don’t have any weird diseases. Since they didn’t do that, Australia told them to GTFO by Saturday or they’re gonna put the dogs down. Seems a bit extreme, don’t you think?

From TMZ:

If Johnny, or more accurately … Boo and Pistol don’t hightail it out of Oz by Saturday — the country’s Agriculture minister says they will be put down.

A rep for Johnny — who’s down there shooting the 5th ‘Pirates’ flick — told the AP the dogs are under a “home quarantine” … but wasn’t more specific than that.

I’m confused – why would not having them in quarantine mean the dogs need to be killed? Like, honestly, what sense does that make? Maybe Johnny will be heavily fined, or the dogs will be taken by authorities for forceful quarantine or whatever, but to kill them just to make a point? Sorry, not seeing the logic in that one.

Pistol is Amber’s dog that she’s had for years and poses in photo shoots with and the like, and she’s a massive animal lover so I’m sure she’ll be kicking up shit over this. My question is why they didn’t just declare them LIKE THE LAW SAYS THEY SHOULD when they arrived. Obviously they thought they could just get away with it since they’re famous, and that it’s not a big deal because the dogs are healthy, etc, but rules are rules, man.

However, those rules should NOT mean dogs are “put down” if they’re not quarantined, especially when they’re clearly not stray/feral. Something weird’s going on there.

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Prince Harry Performs A Traditional Maori Haka – VIDEO

prince harry military

Does anyone else feel bad for Prince Harry? In terms of the royal family, it’s all “Princess Charlotte” this and “Prince George” that. His older brother has a beautiful wife and is second in line to the throne and Harry gets… nothing, really. Which is all pretty sad since Prince Harry is hot and all he wants is to find a nice lady and probably to be done with all this military service. Sure, he’s serving his country and he’s happy to do it, but he can’t really move on with his life until he’s done.

Anyway, while in New Zealand, Prince Harry visited the Linton Military Camp this week, where he performed a traditional Maori haka (war dance) with some fellow officers. Here’s the scoop from The AP:

He had just 20 minutes to learn the dance before performing it publicly, with his instructor Warrant Officer Brett Pene praising the royal’s efforts.

“Given the time restraints in trying to teach him, it was a bit difficult trying to learn the actions and the words, so I think he did really well,” he told reporters.

“He was sweating, we were sweating, a bit of frustration set in. He was keen, that was the main thing.”

The Maori haka is a traditional challenge, the most famous of which “Ka Mate” is regularly performed by the All Blacks rugby team.

Harry performed the New Zealand’s army’s own haka “Ngati Tumatauenga”, or “Tribe of War”, which honours fallen comrades and past campaigns.

Pene said it was “humbling” to have the prince perform the Army’s haka, given the royal visitor’s own military background which has included two tours of Afghanistan.

Oh, Harry. You can be my king any day! Except not… sexually, as that totally sounded. Anyway, let’s watch him dance, shall we?

What do you think? Would you get with Prince Harry? He’s singleeeee!

prince harry tongue

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Gwyneth Paltrow Intimidates You, Says Her Mom

gwyneth paltrow blythe danner

Look, Gwyneth Paltrow blows and we all know it. She hasn’t made a good movie in… I don’t know, EVER, and she’s obnoxious and completely disconnected from reality while simultaneously insisting that she’s totally like the “common woman”. She knows other people think she’s clueless but she doesn’t care and she’s just awful. But clearly there’s a reason she’s turned out this way: her mother, Blythe Danner, clearly raised her to think she’s a special damn snowflake. In fact, Blythe thinks the reason we all see her daughter as so unbearably obnoxious is because we’re “intimidated” by her!

Appearing on Today on Wednesday, host Natalie Morales asked Blythe’s thoughts on her daughter’s reputation, to which she replied: “I think she’s so accomplished that people get kind of intimidated by it.” 

“I know that she’s the most extraordinary girl who can do everything,” she said. “An incredible mother, raised hundreds of thousands of dollars for my husband’s oral cancer fund … Things she doesn’t talk about a lot, she’s becoming a great environmentalist. I’m so proud of her.” 

Uh, yikes. And also, completely wrong. I hate to break it to Blythe Danner, but there are so many people on this planet who have accomplished way more than Goopy Paltrow and they’re actually liked and respected. They’re not obnoxious, self-obsessed, clueless weirdos. This argument just doesn’t hold water – and it’s not the first time she’s made it, anyway.

Of course, we can’t blame her too much – any mom is gonna stick up for her child, so it’s only natural. Doesn’t make it right, though.

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Kim Kardashian & Kanye West Will Renew Their Vows For Their 1-Year Anniversary

kim kardashian kanye west wedding

I’m not sure whether or not I find it miraculous that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West will soon celebrate their one year anniversary of being a married couple. On the one hand, Kim hasn’t gone that long without topping up her butt implants, let alone sharing her life with another human being. On the other, both her ego and Kanye’s are so massive that no one else could possibly compare with the self-love they’ve found with each other. And now they’re going to renew their vows!

Kimye tied the knot on May 24th last year in Italy, so how can they outdo themselves this year to say “I do” all over again, despite the fact that they LITERALLY ONLY GOT MARRIED A YEAR AGO? Well, Paris, of course – the Eiffel Tower, to be specific.

From US Weekly:

The insider notes that the “Only One” rapper is renting out the Eiffel Tower for the special festivities. The lavish 58 Tour Eiffel restaurant has also been booked for a private event. The ceremony will take place following the pair’s appearance at the Cannes Film Festival.

The City of Light, of course, is the perfect place for the couple that has everything. “We fell in love in Paris,” Kardashian said at one time, “and then I got pregnant with our daughter in Florence.”

Must be nice to have more money than common sense in this life. Also, what the hell do Kim Kardashian and Kanye West need to be at the Cannes Film Festival for? What on earth do either of them have to do with film in any sense? THEY RUIN EVERYTHING!

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Jennifer Aniston Has A Girl Crush

jennifer aniston

Jennifer Aniston is pretty beautiful, right? Like, even if you’re not into her acting or don’t care much for her personality, we can all universally agree that she’s gorgeous? That’s safe to say? Good. I wanted to establish that because one would assume, if you look like Jennifer Aniston, you’re pretty happy with your physical lot in life. I know that’s not actually the case and we never see ourselves the way the world sees us, but she’s GOTTA know she’s hot, right? Well, not hot enough to have her OWN girl grushes… and they’re not who you might think.

Jen spilled on her “beauty icons” and when she herself feels beautiful in a new Q&A with Glamour:

Her most confident moments:
“I feel beautiful when I wake up with my sweetheart. When I leave a photo shoot, because somehow miracles have been worked. When I come home from a night out with my honey and my makeup’s a little smudged. I have many moments when I feel beautiful. It’s all about having that inner confidence.”

Her beauty icons:
“These days it’s Kate Moss and Gisele Bundchen—they’re just sexy and perfect. As a youngster, I was a big fan of Valerie Bertinelli’s hair.”

Her cherished flaw:
“I always love a beautiful scar. I think they’re sexy. My stay-fit food: I’m good to go with a kale salad. Actually, Justin [Theroux] makes a great one with a poached egg and quinoa. It’s really delicious.”

I hate Glamour for making Jennifer Aniston sounding so damn corny. She deserves better than that! I refuse to believe that she said the sentence “I always love a beautiful scar”. I just won’t have it.

Anyway, re: the girl crushes, everyone loves Gisele, and Kate Moss is a total icon even if we’re past her heyday, but LOL to Valerie Bertinelli. I bet that made her day!

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Teresa Giudice Is Being Cheated On While She’s In Prison

joe giudice cheating

Poor Teresa Giudice. I mean, literally but also physically. While she’s serving her prison term for those fraud charges she copped to, her husband Joe Giudice has been stepping out on her! This is some bullshit for multiple reasons, but like, really? I’m particularly asking the girl getting involved with Joe. You honestly think a married man who’s a complete scumbag fraudster is worth getting with? Okey doke.

From Radar Online:

Eyewitness Stephanie Palacios, 25, spotted Joe and his younger woman dining with another couple at Seabra’s seafood restaurant in Newark, NJ, on Wednesday, April 29 at 8:30 p.m.

According to Palacios, the group downed red wine and Joe “looked to be having a good time, having a conversation and laughing” with a sexy brunette.

“The way he and his date were conversing, you wouldn’t talk that way to a family member or friend,” Palacios said. “Even my boyfriend thought something was going on. They had chemistry.”

“They didn’t touch, but they were sitting close together and he seemed to be listening intently to whatever she said. I thought maybe the couple across from them set them up on a date.”

“She was thin, brunette with blonde highlights, and had braids in her hair,” Palacios revealed. “She looked to be in her late 20s or early 30s, definitely young. My first thought was, ‘What the heck is she wearing?!’ She had tight jeans and a half shirt in a restaurant! And her cleavage was out. It was inappropriate.”

LOL, okay, bitchy woman commentary. He’s the one cheating and the woman he’s with is the one that gets slagged off by the “eye witness” not about the fact that she’s with a man she know is married, but because of her “inappropriate” cleavage? Feminism in action, guys!

Anyhow, Palacios was also bent out of shape because Joe was at a restaurant at 10pm on a weeknight, which is apparently inappropriate. I’d say the fact that he’s having an affair is a bit more inappropriate, regardless of what time of day it is, but different strokes for different folks, I suppose.

Then again, I guess no one should be surprised here. It’s hardly the first time Joe has cheated on Teresa – it’s been happening for years!

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Are Jake Gyllenhaal & Ruth Wilson An Item?

ruth wilson jake gyllenhaal

The last we talked about Jake Gyllenhaal, it was when he was telling Ellen that he’d totally let his mom set him up on a blind date. Looks like his mom’s off the hook, however, as he seems to be hooking up with fellow actor Ruth Wilson, with whom he previously starred in the Broadway show Constellations. Oooh!

From Page Six:

The 34-year-old Nightcrawler actor and the 33-year-old The Affair actress attended a Barry’s Bootcamp class together on Saturday (May 9) in New York City’s Noho neighborhood.

After the workout, Jake waited for Ruth to shower and change in the locker room. After she emerged from the room, they shared a “passionate but tasteful kiss” before leaving separately.

First of all, I love that a new couple’s idea of a date is to go to a workout bootcamp where you get your ass handed to you by some beefed up personal trainer. I’m not even being sarcastic – I literally love it.

Second of all, “passionate but tasteful”? That to me says “BEARD!” at high volume, but what do I know. Ruth Wilson could totally do better, though.

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