As we all know, Victoria and David Beckham are expecting a little girl.  The little lady will join the couple’s three boys, Brooklyn, Romeo, and Cruz, but what will her special and unique name be?  If we’re to judge by the other kids’ names, we can pull on places of conception and famous Shakespeare characters, so what, like Viola or Jerusalem maybe?

Oh, but no.  Victoria’s going a little more outside the box this time.  She’s pulling some inspiration from a beloved holiday to name her fourth child.  Can you guess what it is?

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Remember when Nick Cannon was all “maybe my kids aren’t going to want to see naked pictures of their parents”?  These are the pictures he was talking about.  And I’m going to have to congratulate Nick on what was probably the best call he’s ever made.  I’ve seen a lot of messed up things in my life, but these photos are downright harrowing. Mariah‘s tummy is certainly overwhelming, but Nick’s foolish “Mariah” tattoo in that swirly font across his shoulder blades?  That’s what’s going to haunt me in my dreams.

Images courtesy of Amy Grindhouse

Oh, you’re trying to tell me that Zach Galifianakis isn’t really my boyfriend, that I’m just some weird pathetic girl with shitty taste in dudes?  Well, then I’m trying to tell you that it’s early as fuck, and I don’t need to adhere to your lame ass reality. Are we understood?  Then let’s move on.

Zach is his usual, glorious self for May’s issue of GQ.  He’s promoting The Hangover 2, which we should all be excited about, and he’s also bringing such special light into this dark and dismal world. Celebitchy has an excerpt from his interview, a delightful little fill-in-the-blank affair.  The bits in caps are Zach’s responses:

Personally, I think Sarah Palin is MARKETABLE and I would like to BUY her.

I also got to meet KERMIT THE FROG. He was a much bigger FROG that you’d expect. The biggest downside was he is CONDESCENDING IN REAL LIFE.

We shot [The Hangover II] in Thailand which is fun because there you can GET INTO FIGHTS WITH PACKS OF STRAY DOGS.

People should know that global warming is caused by RUSH LIMBAUGH‘S FARTS. So our response should be to mandate that HE LIVE IN A SUBMARINE OFF THE COAST OF FLORIDA.

I would be a very good dad, the kind where people would say, “That’s Zach Junior; his dad is the one who SPANKS ALL THE CHILDREN BUT HIS OWN.”

GQ is being way stingy and demanding that you buy their magazine to read the entire article (ugh, right?), which I’ll probably have to do.  I mean, what kind of girlfriend would I be otherwise?

Images courtesy of Celebitchy and GQ

Britney Spears, Jason Trawick and her boys all went on a family-style vacation to The Grand Canyon and some Las Vegas dolphin pool this week and they’re starting to look like a proper family. Has someone finally tamed the wild beast?

I’m calling it: Britney’s third marriage could go down any minute now. She’s been with this Jason dude for awhile, her kids are comfortable with him and let’s face it: There’s pretty much no other way she can get out of that pesky conservatorship. Plus, she hasn’t publicly ruled out the idea of getting hitched again, and to me that seems like she’s probably considering the idea.

Do you think there’s going to be another Spears wedding? Share your thoughts in the comments and make sure to vote in the poll!

You know how Will Smith did that song for his son, or how Eminem did all those songs for his daughter?  Well, since Nick Cannon and Mariah are about to be parents too, Nick decided to follow suit with his own little ditty to his babies.  Sweet, right?  Let me take a moment to outline some of Nick’s more poignant words, just for posterity, all right?

- “Unless you’re gonna make a difference in this world, you ain’t shit in this world.”

- “Don’t be too religious, because that’s just the business.  I hate to say this, but it is what it is.”

- “They gonna hate your skin tone, hate your income, hate your homes and even hate on your moms, hate on me for even making this song, but you are not alone.”

- “Y’all are covered by the father, and your mother’s one of the greats.”

- “My daughter, be careful, but my son, go hard in the paint.”

Ok, really I just wanted to make sure that you guys knew the important messages that Nick is trying to send to his kids, because I know the song itself is damn near unlistenable. What do you think, did Nick do a good job?  Does this make you more confident in Nick’s parenting abilities?  Do you find it as tragic as I do that Nick’s song is so sad in comparison to Will’s and Marshall’s?

“Man, that Glee gay kiss thing sure caused an uproar. The show is written so well, with such great characters, it’s a shame they have to sprinkle immorality all over it. Inside Edition asked me “Why Glee? Why now?” I said, “Why now? I have a column for the first time. And why Glee? I just watched it last night for the first time. Now Wife Swap calls! My agent thinks they’d swap me with a gay couple. That would be great because then I could show the world that I love gay people and I’m not the homophobic hate-monger the media are making me out to be. The other perk is that I could afford that Tacoma pick-up truck I want and pay off my credit card.”

- Victoria Jackson puts to rest those pesky rumors that she’s a backwards bigot with crazy tendencies, and not a moment too soon.

You know how you let people know that you’re not homophobic?  You refer to a homosexual kiss as immoral.  I’m so glad that Victoria Jackson stopped making people laugh so she could focus on giving us such great pearls of wisdom.

On the flip side, how great would it be if Victoria showed up on Wife Swap?  Exactly how terrified would the other wife be upon reading Victoria’s manual?  And can you even imagine that little table talk at the end where everyone talks about what they’ve learned?  It would be the closest thing to entertainment that Victoria’s produced in years!