Author Bret Easton throws Glee and HIV under the bus simultaneously. [The Superficial]

Were these celebrities hotter before they went under the knife? In most cases, yes. [Bossip]

Gwyneth Paltrow hates her family. [Lainey Gossip]

Katherine Heigl‘s marriage is going down in flames. [Cele|Bitchy]

Reese Witherspoon calls sex with Robert Pattinson ‘disgusting.’ [ICYDK]

Marquita Pring wants you to call her ‘curvy,’ not ‘plus-sized.’ Potato, potato. [The Frisky]

Photos of Scream stars way before they were famous. [Celebuzz]

David Arquette is sad that Disney World doesn’t get Courteney Cox off. [Yeeeah]

Eva Longoria claims she can cook, wrote a book about it. [IDLYITW]

Rihanna‘s really feeling the red these days, isn’t she? [I'm Not Obsessed]

Kimora Lee loses 25 pounds, claims that she didn’t starve herself to do it. [Amy Grindhouse]

See this magazine cover? Little Gwynnie hates it. She claims that she’s got, or had, body issues, and her ‘bony top’ and ‘dumpy bottom’ are what keep her up at night, chewing her perfectly-manicured nails and twiddling her surgically-enhanced thumbs (I’m kidding. I don’t know for sure that she gets her nails manicured professionally).

Gwyn states that she works out for an hour and a half every day, and if she doesn’t feel like working out on vacation, guys? She just DOESN’T DO IT. I’m gonna be honest, though – I’m really skeptical about those who do work out during their vacations, anyway, so that’s a plus-one for Paltrow. I mean, the last thing I want to be doing is working out on vacation. I’d rather much be waking up on the beach in a half-naked, hungover lump than sweating it out in the resort’s gym at 7 in the morning. I mean, fuck. Isn’t that what vacations are for? I have a hard enough time dragging my dead ass to my Zumba and Pilates classes three or four times a week, and those are only an HOUR LONG.

Anyway, even though Gwyn is totally hot and talented and everything, I totally don’t hate her for that. I just don’t like her much because she pretends to be all humble and meek when you just know that she’s not. But hey. I guess that’s just the nature of most beasts, huh?

No, no. Not tiny like, that kind of tiny. Tiny as in children.

These absolutely adorable photos of Hailee Steinfeld, Elle Fanning, Chloe Moretz and Natalia Vodianova are in the new issue of Vogue, and they’re making me totally happy. Why? I guess it’s just so nice to see that a new generation of talented ladies is being recognized in such a fancy-ass way. I mean, what’s bigger than being in Vogue, huh?

What do you think about these girls? Do you think any of them could be the next big thing? I’ve got my money on the super cute Chloe Moretz.

Pardon the headline, it’s awfully The Rules-y of me, but I’m pretty sure that if Kim Kardashian ever wants to marry her boyfriend of five months, Kris Humphries (and she soooo does,) she needs to stop being so vocal about her desires to get hitched.

According to Life & Style, Kim’s already got her engagement ring picked out. A source close to Kim told the magazine, “Her idol is Elizabeth Taylor, who was a good friend of Lorraine’s, so she wants to take inspiration from one of Elizabeth’s prized possessions: her famous cushion-cut Krupp diamond. Kim’s been talking to Lorraine about it a lot lately.”

What’s crazier than that though? Kim herself also told them she has her dream dress all picked out. She was quoted as saying, “I’ve envisioned the whole thing. I can’t wait to get married. I’ve found my wedding dress – I mean, I already know what my gown is going to look like. I’ve thought about it all for so long.”

Wedding day dreams aren’t illegal, but blabbing about them to the press is kind of insane. In fact, it seems kind of like self-sabotage if you have a single clue rolling around in your brain (which is very well may not.)

Your ass ain’t that great, Kim.

About a year and a half ago I got pretty brutally dumped by this dude and over the course of two months I went from being a total sadsack that would have killed to be his girlfriend again to relishing in his every failure. One day I was reporting my his most recent disappointment (which I’d learned about via Facebook because I’m so cool) and my friend said to me, “You wont be happy until that mother fucker is dead. You won’t be happy until he’s got his shit packed in plastic bags on a Greyhound bus on his way home to his mama’s house,” and I was like, “Oh my God. That’s the truest thing you ever said.”

Anyway, I’m pretty sure that that’s what Courteney Cox is doing to David Arquette. I was pretty sure that’s what was going down here before, but after seeing her awkwardly crash his appearance on Howard Stern yesterday, I’m certain of it.

There’s no way that Courteney didn’t know that Howard would go digging into the sad shitshow that is the current state of their relationship AND the fact that everyone thinks she’s getting porked by one of her co-stars. That’s what Howard does! But instead of letting David have his lousy hour in the spotlight, she came charging into his interview and made things all uncomfortable.

I’m already going to see Scre4m tonight, Courteney! No need for promotion! We were all alive in the late ’90s/early ’00s and are quite fascinated by the three movies that came before this one. Leave that poor man alone!

By now, you’ve probably heard that Scarlett Johansson is living with Sean Penn. Yup. She apparently left the hotel that she’d been residing in since her divorce from Ryan Reynolds (and boy, isn’t he just about shitting himself right now, huh?), and took up residence at Sean’s home in Malibu.  If you hadn’t heard?  Well, now you know.

Today she was spotted doing some light shopping at a local grocery store, where she was wearing actual shoes and a floppy sweater to conceal her burgeoning baby bump. It’s there, guys. Just wait, and give it time – you’ll see.