And you know what I’m disappointed about? The awful absence of awesome alliteration. Yeah, we got the typical double-entendre of “Ooh! I’m all wet!” but that kind of humor can’t hold a candle to Courtney’s candid and off-the-cuff conceptualization of connoted, clandestine cunnilingus. Oh, and also using the Lord’s name to sexualize your dreams. Courtesy of Courtney’s Twitter:

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalms 37:4

I think that reads heart, Courtney, and not cooch. You know, HEART? COOCH? No. Not even close.

So anyway, this is Courtney Stodden’s latest project for freecreditscore.com. In a nutshell, two friends go fishing for that “big score,” and after catching little fish with little hooks, they try a big hook. And they hook a big hooker mermaid who is, you guessed it, Courtney Stodden! While luxuriously laying on limestone, Courtney shakes her tits and ruffles her damp hair as the camera pans to catch the boys’ slack-jawed expressions as she makes her “Ooh!” comment and various sexual squeaks.

Man. Is there anything this girl can’t do?

You know, even though I (generally) love Jennifer Love Hewitt with the intensity of a thousand suns, I just can’t get behind this blonde look. And why do people say “Oh! She went blonde!” anyway, when it’s apparent that there’s still a bunch of dark hair mixed in there? Is the term “highlighting” or “frosting” passé these days?

Who knows.

The rest of the look, however, is a win. She’s toned up a lot (no doubt for her role as Lolita Stripper on the new Lifetime series, The Client List) and I’ve pretty much always appreciated the fashion choices that she’s made. Also, word on the street is that she’s reconciled with ex-boyfriend Jamie Kennedy. Don’t know about you guys, but I’ve always, always loved them together. The thought of the two of them shacking up was like a teenage wet dream – Randy from Scream (who I unashamedly admit to having crushed on back in the day), and Jennifer Love Hewitt, goddess siren of teen movies in the late nineties? Hell yes, thank you very much. Here’s the scoop from E! Online:

… Is the 32-year-old actress pairing her new hair with an old flame?

It sure looks that way!

A source tells E! News exclusively that Hewitt has rekindled her romance with actor Jamie Kennedy. The Ghost Whisperer costars enjoyed a year-long romance that ended with a high-profile split in March 2010.

Late last year, Hewitt split with actor Jarod Einsohn. Fortunately for the star, her old beau was conveniently unattached as well.

“They are dating again,” the source tells us, adding that the reunited couple has been enjoying sleepovers at Kennedy’s L.A. condo.

Hewitt’s Twitter feed certainly has been lovey-dovey the past month. She’s retweeted Love Quotes and Megan Fox’s parody Twitter account’s uplifting messages about romance and choosing to “look beyond the imperfections” in order to be happy.

Hewitt’s rep had no comment.

So, this is a complete yay, ‘meh’ hair aside. Do you guys think she’s gotten back with Jamie because she’s finally exhausted all of her dating options, or do you think it’s something more? You know, something like JLH + JK = TRU LUV 4EVER? Is it that? Because I sure hope it’s that. And I’m willing to bet that she sure hopes it’s that, too.

Images courtesy of Celebuzz

Or, well, Robert Downey Jr. didn’t have the baby, obviously. His wife did. Do I really need to spell that out for you? Probably not, but I wanted to just so you could get the image of Robert Downey Jr. giving birth in your head. If any dude could do it, it would be him, right? Awesome.

But yes, Robert Downey Jr. and his lovely wife are now the proud owners of a brand new baby boy! I bet he can’t wait to take the little tyke home to meet the cats!

Here are all the adorable details:

It’s a boy for Robert Downey Jr.!

Wife Susan delivered son Exton Elias Downey at 7:24 a.m. on Tuesday, Feb. 7 in Los Angeles, his rep confirms to PEOPLE.

“Everyone is healthy and they couldn’t be happier,” a friend of the couple says.

Baby boy weighs in at 7 lbs., 5 oz., is 20 inches long and joins big brother Indio, 18, Downey’s son from his previous marriage.

After announcing the pregnancy in August, the Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows star, 46, revealed the sex of the baby on national television,much to his producer wife’s (feigned) chagrin.

“I could never really stay mad at him, but I can tell you it genuinely wasn’t something we planned to reveal,” Susan, 38, later explained.

Thankfully, her husband — who will next star in The Avengers — did manage to keep quiet about their name choice.

“If I told you the name, then she would lop off my head with a machete,” joked Downey.

Exton Elias Downey … that’s a strong name, right? It’s got a little pizazz? It better, because if there’s one thing RDJ stands for, it’s pizazz.

Now all we have to do is wait until we get our hands on some of the most adorable baby pictures that ever existed! And then we can print them off and frame them and hang them up in our homes, right after we cut out Susan’s face and paste ours in its place! And then we can be a happy little family, right guys? Right? … right?

Here’s a little bit of background information, just in case you’re not too knowledgeable on that lovely man pictured above. That is Karl Lagerfeld. He’s the head designer and creative director of Chanel. He’s also a major douchebag. Ok, I think we’re all caught up now, so I’m going to go ahead and show you guys some excerpts from an interview Karl gave in which, as the headline suggests, he would be better off just shutting his stupid mouth.

On Queen Elizabeth: I think [Queen Elizabeth] looks very good in her recent photos even better than a few years ago –beautiful, a bit like Queen Mary. She looks a little bit like her grandmother – a more smiley version. In terms of what she wears, she’s come into herself a little bit more – whatever that is.

On Russians: If I was a woman in Russia I would be a lesbian, as the men are very ugly. There are a few handsome ones, like Naomi Campbell’s boyfriend, but there you see the most beautiful women and the most horrible men.

On M.I.A. or perhaps Kristen Stewart: Nowadays people give the middle finger quite quickly – it’s not the best behavior. Everybody does that, what’s new about that? It’s just become a bad habit. People in magazines are 50% bimbo and 50% pregnant women.

On the Obamas: I’m a big fan of Mrs. Obama – and her face, I think, is magical. He would not be there without her. There was an article by some stupid woman, I forgot who, and she said she [Mrs. Obama] was poorly dressed. Mrs. Obama is not a fashion statement, she has other things to do. …My favorite line of Mrs. Obama is when a journalist asked her if she thought her skirts were not too tight and she answered, “Why you don’t like my big black ass?” This is a line I admire. She got me with that. So I want Mr. Obama who I think is very okay— because there is nothing better anyway — [to be re-elected], especially because of her.”

On Lana Del Rey and Adele: I prefer Adele and Florence Welch. But as a modern singer she is not bad.The thing at the moment is Adele. She is a little too fat, but she has a beautiful face and a divine voice. Lana del Rey is not bad at all. She looks very much like a modern-time singer. In her photos she is beautiful. Is she a construct with all her implants? She’s not alone with implants.

Real quick, let me just break your hearts by saying that no, Michelle Obama never made any such comment about her “big black ass.” But that’s just another reason why Karl Lagerfeld is a big ol’ bitch.  Like that Adele comment? Oh girl. Not today.

Just so that we don’t end the day on a somewhat sour note, I’ll just go ahead and share with you a little something that’s been making the rounds lately. I know you’ll love it!

(more…)

There seems to be a cycle that’s been going on with Christina Aguilera for a while now, ever since she started to put on some weight. She gets criticized for it, she makes a statement saying that she loves her body, and then she gets photographed without pants in public. It’s pretty predictable.

But here’s something interesting but not necessarily unexpected: Christina actually isn’t all that comfortable with her new body:

“Christina has turned into a bullying diva,” an in­sider told The ENQUIRER. “In interviews, she likes to say that she’s at peace with her new curves, but that’s not how she really feels.”

A petite 5-foot-2,the 31-year-old Grammy winner once weighed a super-slim 100 pounds. But the “Dirrty” singer re­cently ballooned to around 140 pounds, and she’s desperate to hide the extra weight for the new season of the NBC talent show that was launching Feb. 5, said the source.

“Christina holds up pro­duction with her constant demands, saying, ‘Don’t make me look fat’ or ‘Don’t show my butt,’ ” the insider revealed.

“She’s insisted the cam­eramen only shoot her at flattering angles, forcing a few segments to be reshot. She also demands that the stylists bring her the latest slimming fashions, and she’s always ordering the makeup artists to make her face look thin­ner.”

While Christina’s be­havior has ticked off her fellow coaches, country star Blake Shelton and “Crazy” singer Cee Lo Green, Maroon 5 front­man Adam Levine is the most vocal about her antics, confided the source.

“Blake and Cee Lo get annoyed at Christina’s silly requests, but Adam really can’t stand it,” ex­plained the insider.

“He’s the first one to say that she’s unpro­fessional and producers shouldn’t reshoot takes just because she doesn’t like how she looks. But Christina doesn’t care what anyone, es­pecially skinny little Adam, thinks.

“She just rolls her eyes at him and tries to make sure she looks good for the cam­eras.”

Obviously I’m not going to hate on Christina for gaining weight, but all this nonsense is really frustrating. If she wants to make everyone’s job harder so that she can look as thin as possible, then why doesn’t she just try to lose weight? I’ve never understood people who complain and complain, people who are always “ugh, I’m so fat,” and who never do a single thing about it. If you’re fat and happy and healthy, then good for you, soul sister. Do your thing. If you’re not comfortable with those extra pounds, or if it makes you unhealthy, then do something about it. All the time that Christina wasted trying to look thinner could have been spent, you know, actually getting thinner.

But whatever, I guess. Christina, you keep doing your thing, girlfriend, and don’t you listen to anybody else, especially that skinny little Adam. Hope them Spanx treat you right, honey.

Ha ha, but really. In all seriousness, I’m thinking of taking up a collection so that we can get Lindsay Lohan some quality bras. She never wears any because she spends all her money on coke, right? And I don’t want to reward that behavior, but I also don’t want to keep looking at Lindsay’s floppy titties all the time. I’m thinking we’ll pull together some funds on PayPal or something, and one of you out west can take Lindsay to the Victoria’s Secret or what have you, and make sure that she gets the support she needs. Not for her mental health issues, but for her boobs. Sound good?

And no, I’m not done talking about Lindsay Lohan’s breasts.

I’ve always been a busty girl too. I had to wear a training bra in second grade, which led to one of my favorite nicknames the assholes at my school gave me: Big Boob Girl. Ah, kids. But I kept on wearing that bra, and by the time I was 10, I moved right on to my first A cup, which lasted until I was 12, when I moved up to a B. They kept on growing through middle school and high school, and until I was around 21, the only time I ever took my bra off was to take a shower. I couldn’t imagine going into public without one on, and I certainly couldn’t imagine doing a photo shoot without one. To be fair though, that very last part is probably more about Lindsay being a meth mouthed floozy than anything else.

But that’s why these new pictures, a series of photographs that Lindsy did with Terry Richardson, really got to me. These pictures hurt, don’t they? I don’t get how she can ever be comfortable when she’s running around everywhere with her breasts flopping every which way. Does she think it looks sexy? Because I don’t think it does. I think it looks painful and awkward and like you need to put yourself together before you start your day.

Oh, and I looked at all these pictures pretty hard, and I don’t think there are any photos of actual nipple, but if you manage to spot one, go ahead and holler so I can fix that, all right? Also, here’s an extra little game for you: see if you can spot Marilyn Monroe! She’s in there somewhere!

Images courtesy of Terry Richardson’s Diary