I know I said it last time, but doesn’t this movie just look great? The plotline is rather predictable, but the imagery is creepy and it’s got Rachel Weisz and Daniel Craig in it. A horror movie doesn’t get a whole lot better, unless, of course, it stars Jack Nicholson and Shelley Duvall. I say this because I wrote most of today’s posts in the creepy twilight of an empty hotel room lobby because my room’s wifi is just super. I’ve been up for hours, and do you know how creepy hotel room lobbies are at 4 AM anyhow?

“I often dream of quitting acting. Walking away and becoming a laundress or a sous chef or maybe writing other people’s love letters for a living. … Clearly, I don’t like to be in charge. And thinking of quitting is just keeping going in disguise. When you have options, anything is bearable. It’s when a situation is inescapable that it becomes hell. It seems to me that as soon as you get good at something, it is a sure sign that it is about to walk out of your life because it ceases to hold your mind and creative energy hostage.”

Michelle Williams on the trials of being a famous, award-winning actress who showed up on the late, amazing Heath Ledger‘s radar because of those aforementioned facts because she’d make a BANGING sous chef.

No, but in all seriousness, I know exactly what you’re saying, Michelle. Like, what if I were to give up working from home, and quitting blogging or whatever? Well, first, I’d have to go and buy some big girl clothes and toss out some of the yoga pants and camisoles. I’d have to brush my hair at least once a day, and go out and interact with real people once in awhile, too. I’d have to give up sanctity of peeking on the neighbors all hours of the night just to double-check that they’re not vampires, and you know what? Could I just walk away from this? Damn, guys. No, I just couldn’t. So I give you props, Michelle Williams, if you do.

Are those geometric shapes, math fans? Because in case you couldn’t tell – and, of course, if I’m wrong – math is definitely not my forte. No sir, never has been. Geometry, actually, was around the time that my math skills began failing me, and that was my sophomore year of high school. Embarrassing, right? I mean, I couldn’t even tell which angle to get the measurements from on a circle.

I suppose on the whole, it doesn’t really matter. Who cares* about the specifics of shapes when you’ve got an almost-Pippa Middleton-upskirt, am I right?

*I actually care. I care quite a lot. The dress is really pretty. I’m not so sure about the fabric, as it looks like it’d permanently wrinkle if you breathed on it wrong, but hey. It’s got some good points. Like the fact that a pretty, regular girl is wearing it. That counts for, like, a little bit of something in my book, you know?

Oh LeAnn Rimes. We’ve told you, and we’ve told you, and we’ve told you again. Girl, you’ve gotta eat something. JUST WATER DOES NOT COUNT FOR CALORIES. I think it’s super and stuff that you’re working so hard to be healthy, but exercising and burning off *nothing* is only going to make you look like, well .. this. And that is just no good, friend. Eat a cookie or something. For real this time, OK?

It’s time for another round of weekly winnings for the Evil Beet Caption This contests! Check it out, and if you’re the winner, I’ll be sending you an email to collect your mailing information in order to send your prize. Sure hope you registered with a valid email address!

We’ll be choosing the winner of the above photo next Tuesday, so tune in to find out who it is!

The winner on last week’s Jeremy Piven photo: CeCe
“Bill Cosby impersonation.”

First runner-up: Esmerelda
“Yeah, that’s we all do when Entourage is on. Go fuck yourself, your mercury poisening, the dead animal on your head, and your piece of shit show.”

Second runner-up: mama said knock you out
“uuuuugh, HACK, *cough*cough!* chokin’ on a hair plug. WAY worse than a pube. stings the nostrils…”

Congrats to CeCe! As for the rest of you, get commenting if you want to win some free crap!

Are you having a bad day? Was it a tough day at work? Did you get in a fight with a loved one? Did you just feel kind of blah all day long? Well, no worries, because Jennifer Lopez is here to turn every single frown you’ve ever had upside down. If you thought the stills from her video for “Papi” were as funny as I did (and I really, really did), then you’ll absolutely die over the video itself.

You’ll never be able to top yourself this time, J Lo, and I wouldn’t even try. Expect a sweep for next year’s VMAs, and, in the meantime, shop around this concept for a full length film. The sky’s the limit, Jenny. Don’t hold back now.