This morning, Sarah told you guys about Chris Brown at the BET Awards, and she even showed you a gallery of the awards, but still, I can’t leave this alone. I just can’t.  There are so many unanswered questions and unresolved feelings about what this man wore to perform in last night, and I’ve always been an advocate of using teamwork to come to terms with tragedies and to evolve the soul, and so here we are.

Someone please justify what Chris Brown is doing here. Breezy fans, this is your moment:  you can’t justify a lot of things that Chris Brown has done, but there’s a slight chance that you can give some reasoning behind this little ensemble. Do your best, kids!

This is the new busty blonde that’s going to make Hef forget his name. [The Superficial]

How appropriate is it for Beyonce’s ass to be hanging out in the UK? [Bossip]

Christie Brinkley: good plastic surgery or good genes? [Starpulse]

The sex is probably this good, too. [Socialite Life]

Charlie Sheen has no more women. [TMZ]

13 super-secret celebrity weddings. [The Frisky]

Bristol Palin is apparently not calling Levi Johnston a rapist, I guess. [Cele|bitchy]

Kourtney Kardashian‘s son is getting SO BIG. [Socialite Life]

Did you totally forget about Hilary Swank? [I'm Not Obsessed]

Shia LaBeouf wants to pick your nose. [Huffington Post]

Details about Rachel Weisz and Daniel Craig’s wedding. [Bitten and Bound]

Who said “Fuck Star Jones“? [Rumor Fix]

The “Thriller” jacket sold for HOW MUCH? [OMGBlog]

True Blood season 4: what did you think of it? [PopBytes]

Do you have a serious Case of the Mondays? I’ve got the cure!

So put on your filthmongering caps and fire up your collective imagination! Here comes a fresh crop of Blind Items!

The National Enquirer asks:

Which iconic sci-fi sex symbol with a history of bad relationships has gone lesbian? The once red-hot actress’s life is usually an open book, so it’s no wonder she’s telling friends that she’s ready to come out!

Tee hee. I have my suspicions, but I’ll leave it in the comments with the rest of your guesses.

Isn’t this fun, you guys? Two more Celebrity Blinds are hidden after the jump!

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Here is a real, actual phone conversation I had last night with my best friend, who recently moved to Los Angeles:

Me: Auuuugh! Did you read that Marie Osmond is joining Bold and the Beautiful?

BFF: I… just don’t think that’s true. I think she was kidding.

Me: OK, whatever. Forget it. How about this? James Spader might join the cast of The Office. They’re in negotiations now.

BFF: Oooooh, James Spader. I love him.

Me: Sure you do. Because you’re a big creep-o.

BFF: I know! But his cameo on the show was so good. Did you see it?

Me: Mhm, but only just now. Man, this is such inspired casting. You should always bring in James Spader to salvage a television show in its death throes. Remember when Dylan McDermott left The Practice? And they brought James Spader in? I remember watching him and thinking, ‘Oh, boy, they should just kill this whole dumb charade and give James Spader his own spin-off.’ And they did. Boston Legal?

BFF: Oh, my God, I loved Boston Legal.

Me: Really? I didn’t. But I was proud of my prescience. Oh, speaking of David E. Kelley shows, listen to this. From Entertainment Weekly: “But producers have a different role in mind for Spader: CEO of Dunder Mifflin, replacing Kathy Bates, who sources say will exit the show to focus on season 2 of Harry’s Law.”

BFF: Oh, nooooooo.

Me: Right? Kathy Bates, don’t do it! I love her, but Harry’s Law is the worst.

BFF: I want to like it, but it’s so boring.

Me: Oh. There’s more from Entertainment Weekly. “‘In the finale, he kicked ass,’ says a source close to the show. ‘He was so funny and had this weird energy. We didn’t want to pass it up.’”

BFF: Of course he has weird energy. He’s James Spader!

Me: He is such a freak, I love him.

BFF: Me, too!

Me: You’re so creepy.

I’m sure you’re positively foaming at the mouth to know what Justin Theroux and Jennifer Aniston have been up to together, but fear not: People‘s got exclusive sources that are ready and willing to sacrifice it all, follow the new couple around, and report it to one of the biggest pop culture publications, all courtesy of Jennifer Aniston’s checkbook.

From People:

The couple were spotted dining at New York’s Il Cantinori Saturday night with Aniston’s friend and Horrible Bosses costar Jason Bateman and his wife Amanda Anka.

Enjoying Grey Goose cocktails, Aniston, 42, started with an arugula salad and shared a pasta course with Theroux. Then it was chicken paillard for her and branzino for him.

At one point, Theroux showed Bateman his inked torso, which the waiter also complimented. Aniston herself is new to the world of tattoos, showing off her first during a walk in N.Y.C. Friday.

After sorbets, the couples headed out – hugging goodbye before Aniston and Theroux were seen strolling down 10th Street arm-in-arm.

So, we get it. Jen and Justin are blissfully happy, and they’re taking it to the streets and shouting it from the mountaintops and whatever.  They want you to know that they’re just SO serious that Justin convinced Jennifer to get her first tattoo.  Hell’s bells.  My question, not to get too heavy, is “where’s the slut-shaming that Angelina Jolie went through years ago now that the exact same situation has unfolded for Aniston?” It’s baffling. Getting involved with someone when you’re married isn’t cool, and involving yourself with a married person is just as not cool. So how is it any different this time around? It’s not, OK?

I give Jen a lot of flack, because I think she’s been a spineless, wishy-washy wannabe-martyr for the last decade, but this is the complete, unbiased truth: I guess it really IS a horse of a different color when it’s you, yourself.

Now. If I EVER … EVER have to hear one more word about the devastation that poor widdle Jennifer Aniston suffered through at Angelina Jolie‘s masterful hands, I might well punch myself in the face.

As for Justin, this guy’s probably just happy that he’s got his very own category on Evil Beet now. Go dude. Do your thing.

I know the appropriate answer would be “I don’t care,” but I’m just throwing it out there in case there are some people out there who are completely besotted by the Avril-Brody Jenner-Deryck Whibley triangle of love.

Here we have photos of Avril and Deryck, partying on a boat together in Saint Tropez, looking all touchy-feely and like they’re about to bone below deck. Avril’s supposed boyfriend, Brody Jenner, was nowhere to be found.

One thing I can give this guy (aside from my express permission to take Batboy back should he so desire)? He looks much better with dark hair. MUCH better. Almost Orlando Bloom-like. And maybe that’s precisely what Avril’s seeing lately, too.