Gwyneth Paltrow has always thought the sun shines out of her own asshole and clearly still does. She has a lifestyle and a personality that makes every synapse in my brain misfire and I can’t stand her. But even if I did like her, I’d be hard pressed to find a reason to take her side in her ongoing… whatever it is with Martha Stewart. There is no beating Martha Stewart, not when it comes to homemaking/cooking and the like. And most people are smart enough not to try – Blake Lively went there but quickly came to her senses – but Gwyneth, oh… no, Gwyneth thinks she’s a special snowflake and is trying to get one up on Martha’s “Conscious Coupling” spread with her own “Jailbird Cake”, published on the Goop site this week.
First of all, what is this terrible excuse for a cake and why is it caving in on the sides? I’m surprised Gwyneth let such imperfection go live on her site. Is it supposed to be “quaint” because if you were making this in prison, you wouldn’t be able to get things precise? However, I will say I’m impressed that Gwyn allows you to use a WHOLE TABLESPOON of powdered sugar for this recipe. God, that’ll be her maxed out on carbs for the year!
Oh, and there’s this:
“The folks at goop know how to have some fun, too,” a source close to the goop creator tells PEOPLE. “If Martha served up the appetizer, the Jailbird Cake is just desserts.”
Oh, sit down, Gwyneth. Please. You’re embarrassing yourself.