7Jessica Simpson is Not Going to Talk About Her Private Life (Except She Totally Is)

Oh, yay. Another Jessie Simpson interview. The forum: Elle magazine. The topic: Her personal life, and how she won’t talk about it, and then more about her personal life.

On seeing Nick with other women: “Oh, it hurt me. Two or three weeks later? Yeah, I’d say it kind of hurt me.” Hey, Jess? Everyone’s going to lead with that. Everyone. You knew that when you said it, didn’t you?

On her relationship with John Mayer: “I want to tell you everything, but I have to sew my lips together. It’s hurt me in the past.” Damn, that’s a good plan, Jessie. Maybe you could have had that little brainstorming session sometime before the “Is it chicken or tuna” debacle. You’ll get ‘em next time, kiddo.

On the reality show she filmed with Nick: “I let people in on who I am and how I react to my husband. That’s a big deal. Celebrities don’t do that. So I think they brought me down just because I stopped talking and because I have not spoken – and will not speak – about my divorce. And I think people feel like I owe them my reality right now.”

Anyway, Jess goes on to say how she’s still buddies with Nick, and won’t say if she’s currently in love (although she makes it clear to the interviewer that she is). Hey, Jess, if you want to keep your private life private, maybe stop giving interviews about it?

February 5, 2007 at 1:37 pm by Evil Beet

2I Liked it Better When it Was Called “The Devil Wears Prada”

Well, that’s not actually true, because I’d much rather see Judith Regan torn to shreds than Anna Wintour. Am I totally the worst thing that ever happened to feminism? It’s actually kind of sad that we have this barrage of my-female-boss-is-a-raging-bitch romans-a-clef (roman-a-clefs? what on earth do you do with that?), but no one ever writes, like, Satan Drives a Chrysler, with the thinly veiled Lee Iacocca character laying off blue-collar workers left and right.

Whatever.

Someone wrote a tell-all about Judith Regan.

Turns out the brains behind the 86′d O.J. Simpson non-confessional, If I Did It, is a raging bitch. Who knew? Oh, yeah. I did.

February 5, 2007 at 1:18 pm by Evil Beet

12Is Denise Richards a Cokehead?

Probably. She’s also a whore, a slut, a raging bitch, a homewrecker, a shitty actress and a little flabby around the waist. Unfortunately, the only thing this set of pictures proves is the last one. But they sure have started a firestorm on the Internet.

What I’d like to talk about is what the fuck happened to the knuckles on her left hand. Has she spent some time down on all fours on the carpet for Richie Rich? Has she been moonlighting as an Ultimate Fighting Champion? Or is Heather Locklear’s voo-doo doll finally working?

February 5, 2007 at 11:44 am by Evil Beet

5It’s Illegal Drugs Day on The Beet!

February 5, 2007 at 11:19 am by Evil Beet

10Kitson Unveils New Hilton-Themed T-Shirts!

February 5, 2007 at 11:09 am by Evil Beet

39Justin Timberlake: So Fucking Badass

February 5, 2007 at 10:49 am by Evil Beet