Today's Evil Beet Gossip

This Is Getting Loony

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So Scarlett took a third role in a Woody Allen film. Fine. I’ve moved past it. But don’t you dare come out and compliment this wife’s adopted daughter coveting bastard. Don’t you do it Scarlett!

Sigh. You did it.

“I’d sew the hems of his pants if he asked me to,” the actress, 22, says in the April issue of Vogue.

Yes, and he’d allow you to. You’re the requisite 40 years younger he requires. Better to drink the blood of the young you see. Woody chimes in describing her as:

“criminally sexy,” telling the magazine: “While she is a much stronger actress in every way, there is a tiny bit of Marilyn Monroe in her zaftig humidity.”

Zaftig = juicy, succulent. Nice Wood, nice. You got her right where you want her. For fun let’s look at a bonus quote from 2005 from Woody.

Allen estimated that, despite the scandal’s damage to his reputation, Farrow’s discovery of Allen’s attraction to Soon-Yi Previn, by accidentally finding nude photographs of her, was “just one of the fortuitous events, one of the great pieces of luck in my life. [...] It was a turning point for the better.”

There you have it. This is a lucky dude. Also he’s a talentless hack. Go away.

What Up David Beckham?

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David Beckam’s new Adidas ad is quite “urban.” It kind of looks as though he is straying from his metrosexual look and going for a “Eminem meets Kevin Federline” vibe. I really think the hottness that is David Beckham isn’t showcased very well here. He has a hot body and a sexy face, why hide it under baggy clothes and a hat. Poor form David. You are moving to the US…here, sex sells…big time, show it off.

Brit Brit Completes Rehab

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It’s been a long hard month for us celeb bloggers but they’ve sprung our muse loose and off the juice (why am I so pleased with this rhyme? no idea. OCD probably).

That’s the Brit is back!

LOS ANGELES (AP) — After almost a month of seclusion in an oceanfront rehabilitation center, Britney Spears has moved on.

Also, she’s just in time for K-Fed’s substance riddled bday bash:

A party on Wednesday at West Hollywood nightclub Eleven had been planned, in addition to a second bash on Saturday at Pure Nightclub in Las Vegas, said Federline’s publicist Marilyn Lopez.

Boo to the yeah! This will all go swimmingly I am sure. She’s fresh out of ‘hab looking to stay on the straight and narrow and her ex-husband is throwing a party.

To quote Lord of the Rings: Return of the King: “Meat’s back on the menu boys!”

Sorry for that quote. No EvilBeet and No EvilT means this here blog is under the sole control of dorkdom.

Justin Flips Off the Grammys

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Here’s an actual quote in Details Magazine from J-Tim:

I’m the nice guy who follows through on the things he commits to. But I don’t know if I’ll be going through that sort of thing again. I feel like the Grammys used me for ratings. And look at it-they were up 18 percent.

Holy crap! The Grammys USED Justin just to get ratings?? I am in a state of shock over here. I would have thought they wanted ratings to go down, maybe have him play an acoustic set with Creed or something. I just can’t believe that a TV show would blatantly push for ratings which drives their ad revenue which makes their budget which keeps them employed.

You guys over there at the Grammys are on notice. We’ll be watching you very closely at the Beet. If you pull any ratings stunts like this again, booking music acts, inviting an interesting host – well, we’ll be all over you.

The Details article has a lot of Justin cursing and saying things that require zero thought and less intelligence.. check it all out here.

AmIdol Recap

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We’re coming to ya live from the Idol-Dome!

Hey, Haley Scarnato is still on the show? How did that happen? Do you think the security guards get confused every time she comes to the sound stage? “No seriously, I’m on the show.”

Paula makes a joke about picturing Simon naked. I think she’s housed! Welcome back Paula, we’ve missed you so! The crowd cheers for the theme this evening, “The British Invasion” even though none of them were alive during it. Read the rest after the jump homeslice! Read More

Late-Night Links

Do you know what’s sad? I can tell you with a great degree of confidence that this latest picture of Lindsay Lohan’s lady-flower is not Photoshopped. How, you ask, can I be so certain of such things? Was I there? Did I take the picture myself? No, no. I’ve just been doing this for so damn long that I know what Lindsay Lohan’s vagina looks like. [Egotastic]

Britney’s getting out of rehab this week. Hide the umbrellas. [POTP]

The Melinda Doolittle School of Humility. [DListed]

Justin Timberlake is predictably humble in his Details interview. [Allie]

Amy Winehouse canceled her second Los Angeles concert (because she doesn’t have a drinking problem), but check out exclusive pics from the show she did do. [popbytes]

Ladies and gentleman, we have DNA. [Ninja Dude]

Ever since she’s starting hanging out with Paris Hilton, I’m increasingly comfortable with the image of Elisha Cuthbert trapped and suffocating. [The Blemish]

Natasha Bedingfield rocks a killer take on Snow Patrol’s “Just Forget the World.” [Perez]

Vince Vaughn takes his cocaine and alcohol addiction out on a an unsuspecting sushi restaurant. [Defamer]

OMG OMG OMG OMG YOU GUYS!!! PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN 10,008 IS COMING OUT SOON!!! You know what I’m most excited for? The plot. Ugh. Trailer. Because you guys care. [Bree @ Buzznet]

Naomi Campbell looks fierce in her orange city-bathroom-cleaning ensemble. Tyra Banks is totally masturbating to these pictures. [Celebitchy]

Alyssa Milano has very large breasts. [Drunken Stepfather]

Bill Murray…Yes, he is still alive.

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I don’t know if people care about Bill Murray anymore. If you do care I just saw him in Tony D’Napoli in New York. Here are four interesting observations.

1) He looks really old in person…like the hostesses were overheard going
“Dude, that Bill Murray guy looks like hell”
2) He had about 6 glasses of wine that I could see…
3) He wiped his face on his watiress’s apron
4) He kept going to the kitchen and at one point I saw him bring in his coffee cup

Now one might think that I’m trying to say that Bill Murray is a entitled celebrity. He actually was really funny and during his weird behavior seemed to just be trying to get people around him to laugh.
Watching celebrities in their natural habitat, weird but fun…espically when they are putting on a show because they know that you care.