Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Hilton’s Lawyers Won’t Appeal

Paris Hilton Will Not File Appeal

Today, “Paris Hilton” issued the following statement. I am certain that Paris Hilton had absolutely nothing to do with this statement, as a) it is spelled correctly and b) Paris reportedly hasn’t eaten or slept since she arrived at the Twin Towers medical facility on Friday afternoon. Various sources have described her as “a train wreck” and “teetering on the brink.” I doubt she’s issuing press statements in her spare time.

“Today I told my attorneys not to appeal the judge’s decision. While I greatly appreciate the Sheriff’s concern for my health and welfare, after meeting with doctors I intend to serve my time as ordered by the judge.

This is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. During the past several days, I have had a lot of time to reflect and have already learned a bitter, but important lesson from this experience.

As I have said before, I hope others will learn from my mistake. I have also had time to read the mail from my fans. I very much appreciate all of their good wishes and hope they will keep their letters coming.

I must also say that I was shocked to see all of the attention devoted to the amount of time I would spend in jail for what I had done by the media, public and city officials. I would hope going forward that the public and the media will focus on more important things, like the men and women serving our country in Iraq, Afghanistan and other places around the world.”

Ugh. Don’t you get it, Paris? You’re our distraction from the war. We keep people like you in the headlines because we are so, so tired of reading headlines about Iraq. Because genuinely horrible things are happening over there, honest-to-God tragedies — we know that — and it is much, much better to immerse ourselves in your little self-inflicted mini-tragedy.

Paris Whitney Hilton, a nation salutes you.

Image (photoshopped) courtesy of PrettyOnTheOutside.

PerezWatch: Is He Hatin’ on Paris, Too?

Perez Hilton Hates Paris Hilton?

Perez ran this unflattering image tonight of Sheriff Lee Baca, Paris Hilton’s would-be savior.

Additionally, he ran the quote from Rocky Delgadillo, stating that “justice was served” with the headline: “Justice Was Served.” I’d have expected him to run it as “Justice Was Served?”, but it was suspiciously question-markless.

What happened to Paris’s biggest supporter? Is he pissed that Paris won’t give him any exclusives on this, and he has to get all his updates via TMZ like the rest of us plebes? Is he just sick of being called out on the fact that he always gives Paris a break?

Interesting …

I Am So Sick of Paris Hilton That I’m Writing About James Gandolfini

James Gandolfini Interview Sopranos Finale

And I am particularly excited for when I discover I’ve managed to garner the search engine traffic from those people searching for “paris hilton james gandolfini.” Seriously. I don’t think you can truly appreciate the absurdity of what people will type into search engines until you run a website.

Anyway, tiny little details are beginning to leak about the finale (and don’t click if you don’t want to read them), but it’s still anyone’s guess what will go down Sunday night. But James Gandolfini, the notoriously press-shy star of the show, seems to have made his peace with it. He granted a rare (and perhaps contractually obligated) interview to the AP, where he states that “the character has been with me for so long. It’s a relief to let him go.”

Gandolfini hasn’t really mastered the art of the soundbite, and the author has to paraphrase most of the good parts of the interview, but he does speak a little about his own feelings towards Tony Soprano when asked if he likes his character: “I used to,” he says. “But it’s difficult toward the end. I think the thing with Christopher might have turned the corner.”

When asked what the future holds, Gandolfini says that “I don’t even think I’ve proven myself, yet. The Tony character was from New Jersey, I’m from New Jersey — there’s not a lot of stretching going on, here. In some ways, there is. In a LOT of ways. But I have yet to begin the fight, I think.”

How Cute is Ashley Tisdale?

Ashley Tisdale Recording Studio Picture

The 21-year-old star of Disney’s High School Musical never shows up at Hyde. Or Teddy’s. Or Area. She released her debut album, Headstrong, in February of this year, which peaked at #5 on the Billboard charts, and was #1 on the kids charts for quite awhile (if you’re over the age of 12, you might know it from the single “He Said She Said”). On Friday, while Paris Hilton and her mom were sobbing hysterically over the pain, fear and isolation Paris is facing for following up a DUI with two probation violations, Ashley Tisdale was in the studio recording voice-overs for the Starlight Foundation, which helps seriously ill children and their families cope with the pain, fear and isolation they face because they’re seriously ill (Jamie Lee Curtis is the national spokesperson).

So for everyone who gives us gossip bloggers shit for casting the spotlight on the very least responsible of celebrities, here are some adorable pictures of Ashley in the studio on Friday. But keep in mind that you’re all bored already, and you’re only here to see if Paris Hilton decided to attempt suicide overnight.

Ashley Tisdale Pics Starlight Foundation Ashley Tisdale Photos Starlight Foundation Singing Ashley Tisdale Pictures High School Musical Ashley Tisdale Pics High School Musical Starlight Foundation Ashley Tisdale Photos Starlight Foundation Recording Headstrong