Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Late-Night Links

Britney’s legal team puts an end to the leaks coming out of Promises … in the U.K. papers, at least. This is really, really great news for Us Weekly. [TMZ]

Listen to Hilary Duff’s new album, Dignity, for free. Fun drinking game: take a drink whenever you’re pretty sure the vitriol she’s spewing is directed squarely in Nicole Richie’s direction. A great distraction at work! [Bree @ Buzznet]

Hey, you know what might be a fun little side project for the gossip blogs? Making a celebrity of an out-of-control teen with famous parents, even though she does absolutely nothing but get drunk and take ridiculous pictures of herself. Oh, we’re already on top of that? Fabulous. [The Blemish]

Pax on Earth, goodwill to men. [Ninja Dude]

Yay! Details on the Kim K. sex tape! NSFW at all. [Drunken Stepfather]

Foxy Brown skips her court date, which warrants a warrant. [Bossip]

Mama Lohan Seems Insane

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Well of course Lindsay’s mom is insane, that was a safe bet from day one. It’s Lindsay herself who is probably struggling against all the craziness. So it’s her I am growing fonder of and her parents whom I’m starting to wish bad things upon. Here’s what loony toons mom had to say:

AP – New York Dina Lohan says her daughter Lindsay isn’t an alcoholic and that people are wrong to assume that she’s a club-hopping “party mom.” “Oh, the party mom, the party mom, the party mom!” Lohan says. “Whoever said that, my ex-husband or whatever, I’m not the party mom!”

First off, when you have to repeat something three times you’re then that thing. It’s just a fact. Watch this. “Oh, like I’m angry with you, so angry, look at the angry guy over here!” See? I said it three times because I couldn’t think of something more coherent to defend myself with. I’m clearly angry. Verdict: her mom is the party mom.

“Listen to me: Lindsay would drag me, literally drag my loser butt (to a club) and say, `I need you to know who these people are,’” Lohan, 44, says in an interview in the April issue of Harper’s Bazaar, on newsstands Tuesday. “Yeah, she trusts my judgment. She’s in such a whirlwind; she’s in a tornado. I mean, we’re talking serious earthquake, you know?”

Again with the three example thing, an excellent sign of mania. The “you know” signifies that she’d like you to join her in crazy city if at all possible. Besides that, non-crazy people say “I just feel like Lindsay needed someone there for her. She’s going through a lot.” Manic people use physical disaster metaphors. I wonder if we threw some mood stabilizers down her gullet and then talked to her what she’d sound like.

“Lindsay had to fall and get up,” she says. “I knew it was coming. I told her, but finally she was like, `Mommy, I had to do it myself.’”

YIKES! This means that either Lindsay calls her mom “mommy” or her mom infers that she’s her “mommy.” Either way it’s bad news because “mommy” is used by three year olds. When an adult calls you “mommy” it means they need help, they are powerless. They are using the verbiage of a kid. When a mom calls herself “mommy” it means she wants the control of her daughter being a three year old again. Like I said, either way, it’s not great news.

So the sum result is Lindsay is dealing with a self destructive father and an insane manic depressive mom. Most likely this is what got the happy couple together in the first place. So Lindsay here’s the route I’d take if I were you: Drink for a bit. Get that out of your system. Then get in about a therapy session a day to get the answers you need. Stop trying to get them from your parents because sadly they’re never going to have them.

Bye Bye Beyonce

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Oh wait, I guess her name is actually Stephanie Edwards. I never really liked her very much to be perfectly honest. I was a little shocked that Chris Richardson was in the bottom 2. America does vote on personality and I think Stephanie came off as a bit entitled and boring.

It is another victory for Sanjaya. He is a cute kid and honestly I am starting to see why little girls are voting for him. Did I just say that? He will now offically be on tour with the rest of the Idols. Sanjaya is in the TOP 10. Simon must be peeing his pants right now.

Rehab is The New Black

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Recently Britney Spears, Linsday Lohan, Robbie Williams, and countless other celebrities have checked themselves into rehab. Now one would think that this would be a private endeavor yet most of these celebrities make it into a big publicity event.

The latest D-lister to join the rehab posse is Jessie Metcalfe. Funny how we haven’t seen much of him lately and then all of a sudden he ends up in rehab. Today his publicist released the following,

“On Monday, March 19, Jesse Metcalfe entered a rehab facility to deal with alcohol issues. He realized he had a problem and was anxious to deal with it immediately. The actor, best known as the hunky gardener on the ABC show ‘Desperate Housewives’ and the star of the film ‘John Tucker Must Die,’ hopes that the media will allow him the privacy to deal properly with his treatment.”

Privacy my ass. Rehab is so hot right now. I’m not saying that some of these celebrities are doing this for attention. Oh wait, actually I am.

Late-Night Links

It’s almost like Jenna Jameson is the very definition of class. [DListed]

I want a “Tears for Spears” t-shirt. [CityRag]

Angelina, Madd, Pax, Zahara and Ylgixx leave Vietnam. Okay, I made the last kid up, but that’s totally what they’re going to name him. [Cele|bitchy]

Celebrities continue to be a ringing endorsement for rehab. Robbie Williams is sober as a judge, if that judge is really drunk. [Celebslam]

TORI I LOVE YOU!!! I love you Tori!!! I love you I love you I love you!!! I am soooo excited for when your May 1 album leaks sometime in early April!!! I will steal it and listen to it obsessively because you are my God. [popbytes]

Why would you want to look at pictures of Lindsay Lohan’s naughty bits when there are naked pictures of Pete Doherty on the Internet? [NSFW] [SOW]

Nicole Richie isn’t anorexic, she’s hypoglycemic, a blood sugar condition which I’m sure isn’t at all aggravated by the fact that she never eats. [Rumorficial]

Even Google thinks Lindsay Lohan has a drug problem. [WOW]

Dita Von Teese sans make-up. [Mollygood]

Vivica Gets Her Drink On… Then Gets Her Drive On

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LOS ANGELES (AP) — Vivica A. Fox was released from jail early Wednesday after she was arrested for investigation of driving under the influence, authorities said. The 42-year-old actress was pulled over late Tuesday after her vehicle passed a patrol car on the Hollywood Freeway at 80 mph.

People, people, if you’re going to drive drunk you’ve got to slow down. That’s just common sense. Go just a few miles over the speed limit, that way the cops won’t suspect a thing. Also don’t be a minority. Just in general.