I refuse to believe this is real. I simply refuse.
But now even the Hilton parents are playing along.
Yes, we’re back to Robin Leach’s blog, which you really must check out. It’s a true paragon of Internet design work. And by that I mean he has not done a thing to change the default WordPress theme. Sexy! Seriously, like, if my grandfather decided to create a blog, it would have more bells and whistles than Robin Leach’s. In fact, my grandfather is probably younger than Robin Leach. Okay, look: if my five-year-old cousin decided to create a blog, she’d do a better job at the design than Robin Leach.
But I digress.
â€œHeâ€™s the perfect example of â€˜donâ€™t judge a book by its coverâ€™,â€ says Papa Rick Hilton. â€œHeâ€™s polite, well-manneredâ€”even calls me sir! We love him like family already. Benji doesnâ€™t drink, doesnâ€™t smoke and is a healthy vegan!â€
Says Kathy: “Heâ€™s changed her lifeâ€”and I really think sheâ€™s genuinely in love for the first time. Heâ€™s so good to her and for her. We couldnâ€™t be happier for them. This has honestly become the real thing … Since theyâ€™ve been together Paris has changed so much. Sheâ€™s calmed, stopped running and now has a very real purposeâ€”and it’s beautiful to see two wonderful people so perfect together. Itâ€™s a great love match and I have a funny feeling itâ€™s going to go all the way and weâ€™ve already given it our approval!â€
Jesus Christ, this can’t be for real. If Paris Fucking Hilton can find true love and I’m still single, I’m just going to adopt eight more cats and give the fuck up on romance. The universe hates me.
April 15, 2008 at 5:21 pm by Evil Beet
Okay, part of me feels kind of bad whenever I make fun of Scientology. Because, like, it is a religion, and we do support religious freedom in this country, and I’m all about that, and if I ran a video like this about, say, Mormonism, I’d hear no end of shit about it, but for some reason most people seem to be a-okay with hating on Scientology. I think it’s just that any religion involving a character called “Xenu” is just begging to be picked on.
Here’s actor Jason Beghe — who’s had small roles and guest spots in a trillion TV shows and movies dating back to the mid-80s — spewing off about how much he hates Scientology. This is after he was an active Scientologist for many years. I can’t understand most of what he’s saying — it’s all in Scientology terms — but I know he’s probably not a big fan of the religion anymore. The cussing gives that away.
April 15, 2008 at 2:37 pm by Evil Beet
Is it just me or are there a ridiculous amount of celebrity pregnancies right now? There’s either something in the air or the price of condoms has gone up.
Congrats to Tobey Maguire and wife Jennifer Meyer, who are reportedly expecting their second child in October.
Says a pal: “Since they already have a daughter, they would love a little boy, but of course they would be just as thrilled with another daughter.”
According to the friend, Jen and Tobey plan to have at least three children, and are currently building a mansion in Brentwood to house them all. The lot alone cost $10M!!!! Of course, Tobey has all that crazy Spiderman money, but keep in mind that Jen is the daughter of Ron Meyer, President and CEO of Universal, so she’s not exactly hurting for cash, either. In fact, she may well be worth more than Tobey!
Congrats, you crazy rich kids!
April 15, 2008 at 2:27 pm by Evil Beet
On May 1, 2005, my dear friend Trisha lost her amazing, loving mother after a difficult three-year battle with mental illness.
Since then, Trisha and her siblings have hosted an annual fundraising 5K run/walk for the charity they started in honor of their mother, Mind Over Matter (M.O.M.). This shows a tremendous amount of strength and perseverance on their part, and I am proud to call her my friend. Proceeds from the race go to support suicide prevention and mental health charities.
In past years, I have made small personal donations to the charity, but this year, thanks to all you loyal readers, Evil Beet is able to be a title sponsor for this event. We are very, very proud to be involved, and encourage you to check out their website and consider making a donation of your own. Or, if you live anywhere near Royal Oak, Michigan, consider getting away from the Internet for a few hours and participating in the race yourself. If you don’t think you can move your ass over the span of five kilometers (trust me, I couldn’t), they are always looking for volunteers to help organize the race.
We have a lot of fun at the expense of assorted mental illness around here. This is the least we can do to win some good karma back.
April 15, 2008 at 2:16 pm by Evil Beet
Ahhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
I ::heart:: my readers!
So I mentioned earlier that I like my men in firefighter uniforms.
And I got an email today from a reader. The text said:
I just wanted to tell you that I’m moving to Houston and when I get there, I am setting my house on fire! (sorry they’re not ass-less uniforms)
And since it’s a slow news day, I am including here all the photos, from the Houston Firefighters 2008 calendar, that the reader sent to me. Because nothing’ll perk up your Tuesday like a bunch of hot firemen with no shirts on.
I need to find me a Seattle fireman while I’m out here. Do they even have firemen in Seattle? Doesn’t the rain just handle everything?
April 15, 2008 at 12:54 pm by Evil Beet
Here’s little Abigail Breslin leaving the Ivy last night.
I don’t understand what is on her arms.
At first I was like, “Oh my gosh! Did she break her wrist?!” and then I was like, “Oh, no, those things are supposed to be cool.”
Whatever. I still like her better than Dakota Fanning.