Today's Evil Beet Gossip

She’s Still Purty to Me

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I think the thing that gets lost when Lindsay is acting like a lunatic is the fact that she’s actually quite striking. I don’t know if her life is going to come together, if she’s going to start acting like a full fledged grown-up, but in the right light, at the right time, I’d call her dreamy.

Also she wishes us peace. Also, I’m still not sure I’d date her. Due to daddy issues she’d probably punt your dog off a bridge in a drunken rage.

Replacing Rosie

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I don’t watch The View, but even I can see replacing her entertainment value will be tough. Here are my suggestions on who should fill those giant shoes:

Tyra Banks
I don’t think anyone watches her current show and she could talk about how hard modeling is (with the walking and the posing).

Courteney Cox
See above but replace “modeling” with “David Arquette.”

Dakota Fanning
She’s had a long and illustrious career but it’s time for her to wind down. She’d bring a much needed intelligence and maturity to the proceedings.

Paris or Perez Hilton
One would say idiotic things constantly, ideally leading to Barbara Walters head spinning like a top. The other would lend diversity to a show which seems too focused on women’s issues.

Oh, that’s the point? My bad. Anyway, farewell Rosie. We’ll miss your bluster!

Is Ro-Ro Leaving The View?

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TMZ says yes. She’ll reportedly announce her departure tomorrow morning. It would be so sad if she left. Who would give her a daily, national podium from which to involve herself in any number of self-congratulatory, tedious feuds which I’d then have to write about while fantasizing about doing something more exciting, like studying orthodontia?

Sad indeed.

Late-Night Links

Even Sanjaya can’t make David Letterman’s Top Ten list amusing. [popbytes]

It’s not that Posh is anorexic, it’s just that she obsessively controls what she eats to the point of being dangerously underweight. There’s a difference, people. [DListed]

I think Jessica Biel has the world record for most photos taken of anyone’s ass while walking a dog. [Drunken Stepfather]

It would actually be really awesome if Jay-Z did a remix of “Rehab.” [Bossip]

Damn, Britney. Lookin’ good, girl. [Celebslam]

It’s Jonathan Rhys Meyers’ turn to hit up rehab. [Glitterati]

If you’re one of those types who enjoys watching commercials just for fun, here’s Beyonce’s new Samsung one. [Concrete Loop]

AmIdol Recap: Top 6

Oh. Fuck. Yes.

It’s the “very special” episode of American Idol. Ooh, is it the one where Melinda gets a beer spilled on her at the dance and Uncle Jesse thinks she’s drinking? Or is it the one where someone’s smoking a “roach” in the boys’ locker room and Zack Morris and Blake Lewis learn an important lesson about responsibility? Or maybe even the one where Jordin’s best friend thinks she might be pregnant and has to make a very difficult decision (and then is not pregnant, lest the producers have to make a very difficult decision)? Or is it the one where Ryan Seacrest finally admits to Simon that sometimes he feels a little tingle in his naughty place when they’re standing close?

No, no. It’s Idol! Gives! Back! And to emphasize the seriousness of the occasion, we’re kicking things off with Ryan in the control room. It’s that important. Ryan turns around to watch all the television sets, and, with his back to the camera, narrates, “The calls you make will not only save your favorite contestants,” then turns around to face the camera. “They will also save lives.” Ooooh. Did anyone else feel that? Yeah. It’s a ratings boost.

Jesus, Ryan looks tired. Oh, there’s a two-hour results show. Guess what I’ll be watching tomorrow night? The Internet!

Now we’re going to see a lot of poor people in Africa. It is dirty there and people are orphaned. Ugh, I shouldn’t be so cynical about this. It’s not even sweeps week yet (not for two more days). Maybe they are really trying to help. The musical theme is “songs that inspire.”

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