Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Meth Does Not Do a Body Good

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Taking the meth gives you the meth face…I don’t care how much you deny it. Look at Fergie Ferg and you will see the signs of classic meth use. Rachel Zoe keeps saying “i’ve never done drugs…” ya I believe that for about a second.

She looks worse than most of my friends’ parents and I’m in my mid-twenties…do the math. A face like that means one thing…drugs drugs drugs. Meth also makes you really darn skinny. Put the pieces together.

Rachel Zoe at one point has done a lot of drugs. Trust me. Case closed. Can we stop talking about her.

Perez Gets His Ass Sued

Apparently the photo agencies are tired of this shit. From SplashNews:

We hit Perez Hilton with a multi-million million dollar copyright lawsuit yesterday.

Five celebrity photo agencies – Splash, Bauer-Griffin, Flynet, INF and London Entertainment Pictures warned Perez last December that we could no longer accept his unlawful use of copyright pictures without payment or credit.

He and his lawyers have refused to pay up and refused to take down unlawfully obtained photos. They don’t even have the decency to respond.

Most bloggers out there are decent, honest business people who understand the photographers need to earn an income and we thank all of you who do pay and credit and we are happy to supply you so you can entertain your readers.

But the time has come to show Perez he can no longer get rich off the back of other peoples’ work.

News reports and some boasting from Perez put his income at over $800,000 a year from advertising revenue and his appearances on TV shows, TV programs etc.

He says he gets up to 4 million unique visitors a day. Yet he doesn’t pay a cent to anyone whose material he uses to get fame and fortune.

$800,000 a year? Honestly, I think that’s a pretty gross underestimate. Even his cheapest Blogads go for $1200/week. His most expensive go for $9000/week. He has at least 10 running at a time. Let’s assume they are all priced at $1200. That’s $624,000 right there. That is not counting what he’s charging for advertising on his background (probably over $2000/day, although he doesn’t have one running each day), for ads in his feeds, and for personal appearances. He’s paying hosting costs and maybe some modest web design costs, but his overhead is negligible. He’s easily clearing a million annually in pre-tax earnings.

Check out the rest of the details after the jump.

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Why Would I Want to Look Like Me?

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Ashlee Simpson got a ton of work done. It’s just a fact. And it’s not the type of work where you say “Hey, has this chick changed something?”

No, it’s the type of work you’d get done in Tijuana whorehouse if you’d lost your family fortune in a cockfight and were on the run from La Migra. So, no, it’s not great work. But now she’s spoken, to People, and she’s got a lot to say.

while (Ashlee) doesn’t talk specifically about how she’s changed her appearance, she emphasizes that any little fixes were not acts of self-loathing. “I loved how I looked,” she says. “I’m not an insecure person, nor was I before.”

No, totally not. You just didn’t want to look like you anymore. You wanted to look like someone else. Does that make you insecure? No, not at all. Maybe you want to rob banks. Maybe when you look in the mirror you see a man. The “little change” of not looking like you anymore isn’t about anything going on with you, no problemo.

She also knows not to worry about what other people think of her looks. “Everybody always has an opinion,” she says. “One minute they’ll love you; one minute they’ll hate you.

I don’t love or hate Ashlee. I simply don’t care. I care enough to make fun of her in this article and then it will be ages until I think of her again. And, hey; it’s not what people think of her looks, it’s that people have noted she now looks like an alien. Completely different conversation PEOPLE magazine, you bastion of power-packed journalism.

What about critics who says she’s trying to look like big sister Jessica? “Of course I look like her. She’s my sister,” she says with a laugh. “It’s like, God, please! We think it’s quite funny.”

Other things Jessica Simpson finds funny: Shiny objects, eating paste.

BaldwinWatch: Alec Splits from CAA, Prepares for Long, Arduous Court Battle over Custody of Office Stapler

What? This is all absolutely in the stapler’s best interest. But CAA plans to hire a bodyguard for themselves and the stapler. Just in case … there are photographers around.

Alec left Creative Artists Agency on Monday. CAA had repped him since 2002, placing him in The Departed, The Aviator, Will & Grace, and 30 Rock. Talk about crap agents … I guess they failed to place him in a state of mind in which calling his 11-year-old daughter a “rude, thoughtless little pig” was in any way acceptable behavior.

“This is strictly for personal reasons,” said Baldwin’s publicist Matthew Hiltzik. “It has absolutely nothing to do with his extremely talented agents who’ve done great work with Alec.”

[via Defamer, where they're serious enough about this stuff to read the L.A. Times each and every day]

Will Someone Else Please Deal with This Story?

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Because I can’t even begin to imagine why Mel Brown (aka Sporty Spice) would give her daughter the surname of ex-boyfriend Eddie Murphy, especially after Murphy publicly questioned both his paternity of the baby and Mel’s fidelity to him, and showed up at the Oscars with another woman while Mel was still pregnant. But whatever. At least now the kid has Murphy Brown in her name. That’s kind of cool. Maybe Ginger Spice could change her kid’s name from Bluebell Madonna Halliwell to, like, Cyndi Lauper Corky Sherwood. How cool would that be?

Sigh. This is your life, Angel Iris Murphy Brown.

Joe Francis Pleads Guilty to Being a Total Fucking Jackass

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Or contempt of court. Whatever.

Crybaby Joey had to wipe away tears and blow his sniffly little nose yesterday as he pleaded guilty to contempt of court. “I am sorry for my behavior. It was wrong. I had heard about appeals and things and I was confused. I am sorry, I really am,” he said. Poor little Joe was sentenced to 35 days in jail for the crime, which should be extra stressful for him, as they took away all his Lorazepam and sleeping pills. And I can only imagine how hard it is for a total pussy like Joe Francis to have to actually deal with all the fear and insecurity he typically channels into the objectification and mistreatment of women, because he’s not man enough to face the big scary world without making other people feel small. It’s okay, Joe. I hear that’s a pretty standard M.O. for guys with tiny penises.

But it is so not over for Francis. He’s still got to deal with six counts of possessing a controlled substance, introducing contraband into a jail cell and trying to bribe a public official and a federal tax evasion charge. And a partridge in a pear tree. And probably anal rape in prison. I’m so excited. I hope the other inmates have already come up with some sort of “Girls Gone Wild”-themed tactic for kicking his ass. Even something as simple as “Hey, bitch, come over here and I’m gonna go wild on your ass” would be fine with me. Or maybe if they scream “Show us your tits!” at him in the shower. That would be awesome too. Could someone get a camera crew in there? Fox, maybe?