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24Baby Bump!

Here’s Angie looking all gorgeous and preggers and perfect and shit as she leaves a restaurant in LA.

I have a plan, you guys. I devised it earlier this week. Ready for it? It’s genius.

Okay:

Angelina Jolie was just a couple months shy of her 27th birthday when she adopted Maddox. If I’m still single on my 27th birthday, I’m going to adopt a kid from Cambodia. And if I’m still single a couple years after that, I’m going to adopt a kid from Ethiopia. And then what will happen is I will meet my Brad Pitt and be gorgeous and humanitarian and adored and rich and perfect. It’s all so simple, I can’t believe I didn’t think of it sooner! Happiness is finally within my reach!

I shared this plan with my mom the day after I came up with it. My mother is so very tolerant of my little schemes. She was like, “That’s a good idea, sweetheart. That’s almost a year from now. I think you should use that year to do some intensive therapy. And if you still want to adopt a Cambodian baby at the end of a year of therapy, I will support you.”

So I have a shrink appointment on Monday! I am well on my way to my Cambodian baby, you guys!!!

Heh. The shrink is gonna be like, “So, tell me why you’re here.” And I’m going to look her straight in the eyes and be like, “So that my mom will let me get my Cambodian baby.” Heh heh. This is going to be awesome.

April 24, 2008 at 10:32 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

19Amy Winehouse Is Doing Just Fine, Thank You Very Much

Here’s Amy stumbling home from a pub in London last night.

There are around 40 pictures in this set. She looks like this in all of them.

And check out the nasty cigarette burn on her arm.

This girl is going to die soon if she doesn’t decide to want help.

April 24, 2008 at 10:16 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Amy Winehouse

22Carmen Electra’s Getting Married Again

Oh yay.

Carmen Electra reportedly got engaged this weekend to her boyfriend, Korn guitarist Rob Patterson. He popped the question while they were celebrating her 36th birthday in Las Vegas.

If this actually happens, it’ll be her third marriage. (The first was to Dennis Rodman — later annulled — and the second to Dave Navarro.) I think someone’s trying to give Pam Anderson a run for her money. How long do we think this marriage’ll last, kids? I give it two months.

April 24, 2008 at 10:09 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

6An Entire Documentary to Save the World

Here’s Madonna at the Tribeca Film Festival showing of I Am Because We Are, a documentary co-produced by Madge which documents the concern over the millions of orphans in Malawi who have lost parents and siblings to HIV and AIDS. It also showcases Madonna’s agency, Raising Malawi, which works to help these kids.

I guess I can’t really be too bitchy about this. It’s kind of awesome.

Also there: Rosie O’Donnell, Bernadette Peters (who hasn’t seemed to age at any point during the past twenty years) and Donna Karan.

April 24, 2008 at 10:04 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

8High School Musical: Summer Session Is Coming to a TV Near You

Nick Lachey has signed on to host the reality competition, which “will chronicle the grueling process as a group of young hopefuls strive to become the next Zac or Vanessa.”

I have no idea what that means — will this be an American Idol type of thing or an ANTM kind of thing? And what’s the prize?

Regardless, you can get more information on auditions here. You have to be between the ages of 16 and 22, a legal U.S. resident who is fully able to sign his or her entire life over to Disney, and — this is my favorite part — “you may not be a political candidate, either currently, or for up to one (1) year after the first broadcast of the last episode of the Program.” Can someone please explain that last part to me??? Why would Disney stipulate something like that and not also include a clause like “You must not have naked photos of your hairy-ass bush floating around the Internet”???

April 24, 2008 at 9:55 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

8Quotables

“We are taking the high road.”

Al Reynolds, on his pending divorce from Star Jones.

Eh, I mean, in fairness, it’s not like Star blamed Al for anything in her statement. She blamed the media instead. In light of that, this is actually kind of a dick statement from Al. It implies that he has shit to talk about her that he’s holding back on, when it’s not like Star was talking shit in the first place. A simple “No comment” or a plain-jane “I am disappointed this didn’t work out and wish her the best” would have sufficed, dude.

Also: we are taking the high road? Who the fuck are you, buddy? The King of England?

April 24, 2008 at 9:41 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized