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5Everyone’s Having Babies Right Now!!!!

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It’s baby day!

Courtney Thorne-Smith birthed a baby boy today. (At the age of 40! Congrats!!!)

And David Alan Grier’s wife had a little girl today.

Dammit, I totally should have had a baby today. I knew there was something I was supposed to be doing other than lazing around on my couch, eating pizza and not blogging, because sometimes, ya know, I just don’t wanna fucking blog. I have the easiest damn job on the entire planet and some days I’m just like, “You know, it sure does seem like an awful lot of effort to talk shit about people. Because I have to be awake to do that. And I’m just not into being awake right now. Zzzzzz.” That was pretty much all of today. Sleeping and eating. Like my cats. One of whom peed on my bed, which I can’t sleep on now. Because it smells like pee and is partially yellow. Ew. So I have to sleep on my couch. Which may be why I’m sleeping all day; I’m not getting a good night’s sleep at night. Anyone know someone other than my ex-boyfriend who can help me get a good deal on a new mattress?

Anyway.

Congrats to everyone on their babies and their pee-free beds.

January 11, 2008 at 6:02 pm by Evil Beet

8Marion Jones is Going to Jail

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Today, a judge sentenced Olympian Marion Jones to six month in jail for lying to investigators about her steroid use and a check-fraud scheme.

A check-fraud scheme? That’s so … I don’t know … juvenile. I guess I expect a little more from our country’s Olympic athletes. I’m not sure why, after Tonya Harding and all, but still. It’s disappointing.

Jones begged the judge to show leniency and not to separate her from her sons. “I absolutely realize the gravity of the offenses I’ve committed. I want to apologize,” Jones told the court as she began to cry, according to ABC News. “I plead with you,” she said, to not separate “me from my boys even for a short while.”

Since admitting her guilt, the three-time Olympic gold medalist has returned all five medals won in the Sydney Olympics in 2000.

Jones, who used steroids distributed by the Bay Area Laboratory Co-Operative – the same lab that supplied steroids to New York Yankees star Jason Giambi and San Francisco Giants slugger Barry Bonds – is the first professional sports figure to get prison time for the offense.

January 11, 2008 at 5:54 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Marion Jones

15More Info on Britney’s Night O’ Crazy: “I’m Fucking Hot!”

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TMZ has more deets on the standoff leading to Britney’s hospitalization last week.

Sources say when the cops showed up, Britney was locked in the master bathroom with Jayden James. Officers saw Britney from the backyard holding Jayden, who did not appear to be upset. Britney refused to come out for nearly three hours. When she did, all she was wearing was panties. Britney was incoherent, screaming at the cops, “What the f*** are you doing in my house? I know who you are.” She continued ranting, “I don’t need your f***ing help.” At one point Britney, whose moods swung wildly from laughter to rage to sobs, hollered, “You will do as I say.”

At some point Britney put on a see-through nightgown. Before police took her outside, they wanted to cover her with a sweater, and she screamed, “Don’t cover me up. I’m f***ing hot.”

Britney’s assistant and nanny were present during the standoff. At one point the assistant told the police that Britney had been “popping pills” all day. Her code for medication was “vitamins” and she repeatedly demanded, “Get me my vitamins!” Officers found a bottle of Prozac in her bedroom.

Yes, Britney, you were fucking hot that night, as all the pictures of you strapped to a gurney will surely attest.

January 11, 2008 at 5:49 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Britney Spears

3Christina Aguilera Popped Out That Kiddo!!!!

Life & Style Weekly is reporting that Christina Aguilera’s baby was delivered via C-section at Cedars-Sinai today.

Not sure if Nicole beat her out or not. I assume she’s delivered by now, too.

Those babies are going to be born within HOURS of each other! CRAZINESS!!!

January 11, 2008 at 5:44 pm by Evil Beet

14I ::Heart:: Sara Gilbert

Sara Gilbert at Access Hollywood Gifting Suite, Pictures, Photos

Sara Gilbert at Access Hollywood Gifting Suite, Pictures, Photos

Showing up at a gifting suite — where you know there’s gonna be photogs — completely makeup-free?

That’s ballsy.

And awesome.

At the Access Hollywood gifting suite.

January 11, 2008 at 4:34 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Sara Gilbert

4Tracy Morgan’s Wife Wants to Divorce His Drunk Ass

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Comedian Tracy Morgan — who’s struggled with alcohol abuse for a long time, scoring multiple DUIs in the process — is being divorced by his wife of 22 years because he can’t keep his ass on the wagon.

The 39-year-old star recently claimed he had been sober for months, spurred on by his three sons’ pleas for him to stay off alcohol. But Sabina, his wife of 22 years, claims he is back on the booze. She says, “I have to divorce him. I still have feelings for him, but the marriage is over. “I’m having my lawyer file the divorce papers. I gave him every opportunity since August to stay in the marriage, but he’s failed. “It’s terrible that he’s drinking again. He knows he shouldn’t be doing that for so many reasons, his health especially.”

Sad!! Get your ass sober and get your life back, Tracy!

January 11, 2008 at 4:16 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Tracy Morgan