Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Joe Francis is Going to Jail Some More, Tra La La La …

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Hey, it’s how they finally got Al Capone, so here’s hoping that the tax evasion charges Joe Francis was hit with on Wednesday keep him behind bars for awhile. The Girls Gone Wild “porntrepreneur” is already doing a quick stint in a Florida jail for criminal contempt of court, but these charges could keep him in the slammer for up to ten years.

The indictment was issued by a federal grand jury in Reno, Nevada, and accuses Francis of deducting more than $20 million in false buisness expenses on his 2002 and 2003 corporate income tax returns, stashing revenue in offshore bank accounts and doing a bunch of other stuff that you’re really not supposed to do on your taxes (which are due in THREE DAYS, people, so get to it!).

A hearing is scheduled for May 22 in Reno. If he’s convicted, Francis could do up to ten years in prison and be forced to pay fines of up to $500,000.

And, although it’s appropo of nothing in this context, I’m loathe to write an article about Joe Francis without reminding everyone that he’s a dirty awful rapist who I truly hope gets a taste of his own medicine in the slammer.

Just Gotta Ask

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What are the chances Haley poses for Playboy within the next year? I say one billion percent. And honestly, given the choice between 500k for some nudey shots and then fading into obscurity or just fading into obscurity (without any K at all) I’d take the loot.

Basically, I’m not mad at you Haley. Do your thing. Peel the short shorts.

More Pete Doherty News…

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I didn’t really think that I would be writing about Pete Doherty twice in one day but the Daily Mail is reporting today that Kate Moss and Pete Doherty are offically engaged.

Performing a solo gig at the Hackney Empire in east London, he introduced the track “KP Nuts”, and said: “I am dedicating this song…” before the crowds interrupted him to shout out “Kate, Kate”. The singer then replied: “Yes, to my beautiful fiancee.”

This happened at the same Hackney Empire show that we showed pictures of this morning. It passed without incident to the chagrin of some fans who were hoping for drug induced drama. Instead it was all about Kate and Pete’s love.

You know when you see a friend who is making a huge mistake…ya, it is that like that.

Harry Morton is Dealing with Lindsay’s Dirty Pipes Again

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From Page Six:

HARRY Morton just can’t seem to get rid of Lindsay Lohan. The billion-heir lives one floor below his flame-haired ex in L.A.’s posh Sierra Towers, “which is awkward enough,” a spy said. But it only got worse last month when Lohan’s pipes burst and flooded his place. “There were plumbing issues and it leaked all over Harry’s multimillion-dollar apartment,” our sources added. A rep for Lohan said, “This happened while Lindsay was in New York and we find the timing odd, but the situation is being dealt with.”

Lookin’ a Little Fat in the Legs, Aren’t We, Nicole?

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Hey. I’m just saying what everyone else is thinking.

Also, it has just occurred to me that the Tower of Badass that is Joel Madden can’t be much taller than, say, 5’3. His bio says he’s 5’9″, but there’s just no way that’s true. Nicole is barely 5’2″. She’s wearing flats in these pictures, and he’s hardly taller than she is. So, like, Joel Madden, hardcore rocker/heart-breaker, comes up to my shoulder. Awesome.

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Wait a Sec, a Celeb LIED?

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Page Six (waaaaay better than Page 5) just “broke” the news that Courtney Love might have gotten a little bypass surgery.

“She’s telling people she got the gastric band surgery. She even said she had to sleep with a towel by her because the surgery makes her [vomit] all the time and is worried she won’t be able to make out with anyone because of her breath.”

Yeah, as if Vomit is the reason you wouldn’t make out with C-Love. How about the fact that she’s stark raving mad? Ok, I’m sort of lying; I’m the guy on the planet who likes her music. If I was drunk I’d think about it.