Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Really, Kato, Thanks for Taking the Time to Walk the Carpet

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We know you have a lot going on these days, and you must be so tired of paparazzi constantly prying into your private life. You just want to be off the radar for a little while, you just want to get inside to enjoy the party, we understand that, but it’s really important to our editors that we get one or two good pictures of Kato Kaelin tonight. You don’t have to answer questions if you don’t want to. This’ll just take a second. Please, Kato, we’re begging you. Just go ahead and stand in front on the carpet for thirty seconds so we can get a few shots. We’d be forever indebted to you. Oh, you’ll do it? Oh, thank you, Kato! Thank you ever so much!

Jimmy Kimmel: Still Retarded

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Via Page Six:

JIMMY Kimmel sounded smug when he guest-hosted “Larry King Live” and told Gawker.com editor Emily Gould he “doesn’t know anyone who would advertise on Web sites like hers.” It turns out Kimmel’s own show, “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” buys ad space on three blogs similar to Gawker – A Socialite’s Life, Egotastic and The Superficial. Now Kim mel’s backtracked, tell ing The Post’s Mari anne Garvey, “Larry’s suspenders were very tight on me, so I didn’t complete my sentence. I have nothing against Web sites, online blogs or celebrity gossip. I was referring specifically to a site that en courages anyone with a cell phone to slander and stalk people.” Kimmel was referring to the Gawker Stalker map, which tracks celebs’ move ments.

Buuuuuullshit, Jimmy. Let’s go back to the tape, shall we? What you said was, “I don’t know why anyone would buy advertising on a website.” Period. You said that, Jimmy, immediately after talking about how Gawker ran a picture of Jabba the Hut in an article about Kevin Costner. The article (here) discussed Kevin Costner having dinner at Butter in New York City ON APRIL 4. The story ran ON APRIL 11. How very, very dangerous for Kevin Costner that anyone — anyone – with a time machine could go back 7 days and know exactly where they could find him for the anal raping. How horribly irresponsible of Gawker. Fuck that, Jimmy. You were pissed at celeb gossip blogs. You were pissed at celebrity gossip. You were pissed that Gawker had implied that you — co-host of The Man Show – were inebriated. Pick a fucking image, Jimmy, and shut up.

Halle Berry’s Tarnished Star

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Everyone who heard Halle Berry just got a star said the same thing “How did she not have a star?? She’s an Oscar winner!” And they would be spot on except for one thing: The Hollywood Walk of Fame has very little to do with fame or merit. You see, like everything else in Hollywood, it’s for sale.

I’ve known this for awhile but people are always freshly surprised when I break the news that you buy your star when you need some pub (like Halle REALLY needs for the crappy Perfect Stranger flick). Read this article. A star cost you 15k and you have to fill out an application. You think Halle couldn’t have filed the paperwork after her Oscar and gotten accepted? C’mon. As long as you’re relatively famous and have 15k you’re in. So let’s not act like these stars mean something other than as a marketing tool.

For instance, guess who doesn’t have a star? Al Pacino. Does anyone in the universe think Berry has accomplished more than Pacino? The reason Al doesn’t have one is simple. He’s a star. He doesn’t need to file paperwork or pay money to have a glorified street plaque tell him so. The more you know!

Sarah Silverman

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Just because.

Also, for the record, I gotta disagree with my sis’ EvilT on the whole Imus thing. I’m not really going to get into it but I’ll throw Sarah Silverman up there as an example of my point. She says the most offensive things and it’s plain old hilarious. I Love her. And so does Jimmy Kimmel.

For better or worse, Imus was trying to be funny. He may not be funny, but it’s always odd who we decide to be moral arbiters on. I call people names and ridicule all day long. Probably my low self esteem… but I guess the good news is I pretty much hate everyone, that’s why I’m filled with spite, as opposed to just hating on a specific group. And if you look at Imus’ record, on air he’s offensive to everyone. Off air he’s charitable and intelligent. One of those sides makes money. But to categorize him as completely hateful is just as “labelriffic” as the very thing everyone’s so bent out of shape about. The world will never be as easy as “He said something bad. Fire him.” If that were the case Sharpton wouldn’t be allowed on TV.

Crap. Now I’ve gone and gotten into it. Sigh.

Justin Chambers Should Sleep More Often

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I mean, in general, when you’ve been chosen to host the opening of a New York night club (Triumph, in this case), it’s advisable to do a little more than roll out of bed and put on a jacket. You could, I don’t know, wear an undershirt that covers your entire chest, for instance. It’s a starting point. Mostly, though, get some rest, darling, and try not to look so unhappy to be there. It’s not like you’re Isaiah Washington hosting a gala at The Abbey.

Gotta Go!

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ANTM winner Caridee English and Ashlee Simpson both look like they really have to pee at the opening of the Runway lounge in NYC.

Also, Cari, nice colored contacts. Even Paris Hilton’s at least look borderline natural. You look like you may have superpowers. Just not in modeling …

Late-Night Links

Justin Timberlake admits that he did call Britney, because he was worried about her, and because he’s never done it with a bald chick before. [MM]

Jessica Simpson’s camel toe makes its triumphant return to the spotlight. [Buzznet]

The American Idol sex tape has a release date. [Ninja Dude]

Gwen Stefani in Harper’s Bazaar. [ICYDK]

Britney’s hitting the Red Bull hard. [IBBB]

Ian Ziering won’t pose for Playgirl. I guess we’re supposed to be disappointed. [Glitterati]

Marc Anthony didn’t pay his taxes. [Cele|bitchy]

Kylie Minogue looks freakish. [Grumpiest]

Check out the tattoed granny. [popbytes]

I promise you Bar Rafaeli is every bit as pregnant as Leonardo DiCaprio is. [Celebslam]

Snoop Dogg weighs in on the Don Imus insanity. [Bossip]

Hef’s girlfriend Holly gets naked for PETA. [Celebrity Smack]