Today's Evil Beet Gossip

More Lindsay Updates

1) We had the wrong assistant — it wasn’t Jenni Muro, it was Lindsay’s other assistant who she was chasing in her car. We still don’t have a name for this girl.

2) Lindsay faces up to six years in jail for this morning’s antics.

3) Lindsay will not appear on Jay Leno tonight. Instead, Rob Schneider will appear — in drag, pretending to be Lindsey. Cute.

Looks Like Lindsay’s Going to Betty Ford in Palm Springs

Lindsay Lohan Checking into Betty Ford Center in Palm Springs, California

Word on the street is that helicopters and photogs have descended on the Betty Ford Center in Palm Springs — this is probably the latest stop on Lindsay’s disastrous Tour of Addiction.

Her earlier facility, Promises, is refusing to comment on the current situation.

A friend of mine was actually fired from Promises after talking to reporters during Britney’s stay there — and she didn’t even talk about Britney! They called with some questions about the regime there, and she answered those questions, and she was fired for that! So it’s no surprise to me that everyone there is staying tight-lipped about this.

Will Lauren and Whitney Be Out of a Job?

Lauren Conrad and Whitney Port Out of a Job? Teen Vogue May Close

Oh, say it ain’t so!

Jane magazine bit the dust earlier this year, but it looks like its parent company, Conde Nast, may not be done killing off publications.

AFTER yanking the plug on Jane, rumors are rife that Condé Nast isn’t done killing magazines in its stable. One insider said, “Teen Vogue could be the next to fold. Their ad pages are down and people are freaking out. A bunch of editorial staffers have recently jumped ship, including [editor-in-chief] Amy Astley’s assistant, and many more are looking for new jobs.” A rep for Condé Nast said, “Not true. Teen Vogue makes money.”

This is awful!!! What will become of Lauren Conrad?! And Whitney?!!!

Everything I’ve heard in the past six months indicates that Teen Vogue’s circulation numbers are up — in part due to its role in The Hills — but I guess that’s not necessarily a reflection of how their ad pages are doing.

Oooh, maybe Teen Vogue will fold and Lauren will have to go work for Brent Bolthouse with Heidi! Now that would be fun!

Kim Kardashian is a Beacon of Good Taste

Kim Kardashian Poses for Playboy, Attends Nicole Brown Foundation Event

When this bitch isn’t getting literally pissed on, she’s figuratively pissing on other people’s graves. From Page Six:

Kim Kardashian just loves to get naked for the cameras. The voluptuous daughter of O.J. Simpson lawyer Robert Kardashian recently stripped down for Playboy. “The photos have been already shot. I don’t know if they show everything,” a source tells us. Presumably, the snaps won’t show as much as the notorious sex tape Kardashian made with rapper Ray J. Meanwhile, Kim was partying Saturday with Denise Richards at the Playboy Mansion at a benefit for the Nicole Brown Foundation.

Who cares about Playboy. What I want to talk about it why the hell Kim thought it was in any way appropriate for her to attend anything with Nicole Brown’s name on it. For those of you who don’t remember who Kim was before she was the chick with the ass who was partying with Paris — she’s Robert Kardashian’s daughter. That’s right, she’s the daughter of the dude who got OJ Simpson off for the murder of Nicole Brown. Really, Kim? You can’t think of anywhere better to be on a Saturday night? And who the hell invited her to this thing, anyway?

Lindsay Lohan’s Personal Assistant Quit Hours Before Her Arrest

Jenni Muro, Lindsay’s Assistant, Quit Hours Before Her Arrest

Lindsay’s assistant, Jenni Muro, quit her job with Lindsay just hours before the starlet was arrested for DUI.

She called her mom to come pick her up (probably in Venice), and that’s the car Lindsay was chasing (in Santa Monica) when she was arrested.

Lindsay mentioned Jenni in one of her drunken emails late last year, stating that “[a]nyone that is willing to help and has a family member or friend, even co-worker that is in a position to be involved in any way, shape or form, please contact me, Jenni Muro, Leslie Sloane, Michael Heller, Jason Sloane, Jason Weinberg as soon as you can or are willing. Just ask them, it doesn’t hurt to ask.” (Remember that email? In the happy days, back when she was just batshit crazy and not constantly incarcerated?)

So here’s my question: was this assistant’s decision to quit related to Lindsay’s relapse? Something tells me yes.