Today's Evil Beet Gossip

The Booze Bloat

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You know in college when you are going through your photos of a night out with the girls? First you look rockin’ in your tube top and mini skirt. Then, as the evening winds down, you are downing red headed slut shots and snarfing up chicken tenders. You start to get that booze bloat and end up deleting a good amount of those post 2am photos. Sadly Lindsay Lohan can’t do that and she just looks beat here.

I don’t want to call her fat because she isn’t in any way. I will call her a bit of a drunken mess. I thought she went to rehab, what a waste of time and money. She just needs to put a sex tape out and be over with it. Homegirl is nuts and I think Hollyweird will be done with her soon.

Hayden Panettiere…watch out. You are all fresh faced now but after a few too many nights at Hyde and a secret drug problem this too could be you.

Rosie Cares About Babies

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Rosie isn’t going to bother Elizabeth anymore about current affairs. The left and right wingers usually spar over issues such as abortion, the war in Iraq and Georgie B. in general.

Rosie today decided to call a truce on her crazy blog since Elizabeth is preggers and she doesn’t want to upset the unborn fetus.

on the view
u have seen my last hasselbeck spat
2 day was it
no more – its done
there is a new life
there – inside
and in the end -
what else matters

Touching Rosie. Just touching.

Late-Night Links

In the oh-so-capable hands of Sarah Silverman, even beastiality is funny. [popbytes]

Celeb bikini watch brings us Vanessa Anne Hudgens today. We’ve got a whole summer of this ahead of us, kids! [Grumpiest]

And hooray for a Sienna Miller nip slip! [Drunken Stepfather]

See, it occurs to Britney Spears to cover her nipples with flowers, but cover her vagina with underwear? Why would she do that? [The Bosh]

Reese and Jake are still going strong. [Cele|bitchy]

Carmen Electra and what must have been a goddamn stable of airbrushers team up for her pictorial in FHM Russia. Honestly, this isn’t even a pictorial. Somebody painted this. The original, oil on canvas, is hanging in a museum in St. Petersberg. Carmen Electra hasn’t looked like this in 10 years and you know it, FHM. [CityRag]

BREAKING: Paris Hilton spends a truly unreasonable amount of time looking at herself in the mirror. [Gossip or Truth]

More pics of Britney’s San Diego HoB show. [Allie is Wired]

Hayden Panettiere’s 10-year-old brother is about two years away from the disturbing realization that he totally wants to bang his sister. [Ninja Dude]

Rosie won’t be fighting with Elizabeth Hasselbeck anymore, lest such blatant liberalism somehow interfere with her co-host’s pregnancy. I don’t know. Whatever. [ASL]

You know, guys, it’s really hard for Keira Knightley to eat when you keep calling her anorexic. All the stress just takes her appetite right away. But not, like, in an anorexic way. It’s just that refusing to eat is her response to high-stress situations. Sheesh. [MollyGood]

This is Fashion

These are all from Australian Fashion Week, and they are all very good advice for y’all wanting to look good.

If you show up looking like this dates will want to bang. In a big way. Take note.

This first look says “I’ve put on the lotion AND I’ve gotten the hose.”

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Next up is “Beautiful is for all the other models!”

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“You ordered the village idiot? I’m here!”

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“One day my forehead will conquer nations.”

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You get the idea. Oh, you crazy Aussies!

Jesus Christ, Spiderman 3 Is Going to Make a Lot of Money

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If you’re like me (and I hope, for your sake, you’re not), and your life is basically a whole lot of nothingness puntuated by the regular perusal of what’s new on WireImage, you would be aware that Kirsten Dunst has been a regular Magellan this week, traversing the globe in search of shinier dresses and stronger cocaine, as Spiderman 3 premiered everywhere they can subtitle it. It opened across Asia, Europe and Australia yesterday and today, and preliminary box office reports are staggering. The film broke records in Hong Kong, Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore, the Philippines and Taiwan, and beat out the Spidey 2 openings in Korea and Japan.

Look for it to kick some Aquaman ass here in the U.S. On Friday, it will open domestically in 4,163 theaters, the largest opening in the history of the world, and that’s including Paris Hilton’s vagina.

Get ready for the summer movie season, kids. Disturbia what?