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8Oh, Ivana Trump’s Fourth Marriage Is Definitely Going to Last Forever!

ivana_engaged.jpg

Extra has obtained a transcript of a phone conversation between Ivana Trump and — who else? — the cops. It was recorded on March 17, less than a month before her wedding, and includes this line: “What’s going on is that I have a boyfriend which I want to leave my home and he called the police before and he’s abusive … He got, he got pissed off and I need him out of this house.”

Ivana and the dispatcher then chat a bit about their dogs, she continues to demand the police show up to remove her abusive boyfriend, and then the cops show up and the call ends.

You can read the whole thing here.

This bodes really well for this marriage.

April 15, 2008 at 10:28 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Ivana Trump

6A Match Made in Heaven

Pamela Bach and New Boyfriend Rik Mendoza, TMZ Videographer, Pictures, Photos

Remember Pamela Bach? David Hasselhoff’s drug-addicted, fame-whoring, cheeseburger-tape-peddling ex-wife?

Her new boyfriend is Rik Mendoza. He’s a videographer for TMZ. He also appears to be around 4-5 months pregnant.

See that bill she’s holding in her hands? One of them is clearly paying the other to be in this relationship. But I honestly can’t figure out which one it is.

April 15, 2008 at 6:13 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Pamela Bach

24Rob Lowe Can Expose Himself to Me Anytime

Lowe’s 24-year-old former nanny, Jessica Gibson, is accusing Rob Lowe of sexually harrassing her in an exciting variety of ways.

She also says Lowe’s wife, Sheryl, would walk around the house naked, make crude comments, and discuss she and Lowe’s sex life with the nanny.

Her attorney is Gloria Allred, of course.

One of Gibson’s claims is that Lowe “placed his hand inside Gibson’s pants” several times.

Okay, if this is what’s involved with being a nanny for Rob Lowe, bring it on. I’m so in.

April 15, 2008 at 6:06 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Robe Lowe

45The Marilyn Monroe Sex Tape?

Marilyn Monroe in White Bathing Suit, Pictures, Photos

I swear to you, if they had video cameras in the caveman era, we’d have footage of caveman celebrities giving blow jobs. Did they have celebrities in the caveman era? I bet they did, but they were probably, like, warrior heroes or something. I bet they’d've made videos of their warrior heroes clubbing women and dragging them off to have sex. And trying to shove, like, warrior wine canisters up their vaginas. You think kinkiness is a modern world thing? I bet not. I bet some of those ancient caveman “artifacts” they have in museums were up a vagina at some point in time. Why do I think like this? I’m so weird.

Anyway.

The New York Post is reporting that there may be a Marilyn Monroe sex tape in circulation. It shows Marilyn performing oral sex on a man whose face is outside the camera frame.

I guess the original was confiscated by the FBI (Seriously? The FBI can confiscate sex tapes? Could they just, like, confiscate Paris Hilton? And redact most parts of her? Please?), but an illegal copy was made years ago, and recently sold on the black market for $1.5 million. The buyer is an unidentified man known only as a “wealthy New York businessman.”

Oh, you know this is Donald Trump.

Says the man who brokered the deal: “He said he’s just going to lock it up. He said, ‘I’m not going to make a Paris Hilton out of her. I’m not going to sell it, out of respect.’”

This is such bullshit. You know what this is? This is the best way to get new clients in the history of wealthy New York businessmen. You know this dude’s all cold-calling people and being like, “Hey, sign this deal with me, and I’ll have you over for a screening of the Marilyn Blow Job tape.”

It’s soooo Donald Trump.

Side note: I LOVE this picture of Marilyn. You know why? Because she looks like she weighs about what I weigh. And she was STILL a sex symbol. Love it!

April 14, 2008 at 11:36 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Marilyn Monroe

16Jennifer Lopez Is Pissing Me Off

Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony, Pictures, Photos

Here’s Jennifer looking svelte and young and happy, less than two months after giving birth to twins.

Jen has reportedly lost 40 pounds in those two months.

God, I can’t even seem to lose five pounds. Maybe if I stopped eating Burger King and cookie dough all day. And exercised. But OMG! The bed in the furnished apartment I am renting is KILLING me. It seemed okay at first, but, after three nights of sleeping on it, I honestly cannot stand up straight. It’s AWFUL on my back. I, like, waddle around the house. And my stuff is all over, I haven’t even fully unpacked yet, but I can’t even deal with it because it hurts too much to bend over. So exercise is clearly out of the question. And I can’t possibly cook when it hurts so much to stand up. I have to get drive-thru. So then it’s not my fault that I can’t lose weight. It’s the fault of whomever furnished Chez Eggplant. So I’ll just stay fat and lazy, and blame it on other people.

Ha ha, one of my guy friends wore a shirt this weekend that said “I Have the Body of a God” and it had a picture of Buddha on it. I laughed forever.

What was this article supposed to be about?

Oh, yeah. Jennifer. She looks good. And I’m not going to go as far as to say Marc looks good, too — I would never, ever say that about a man wearing a kerchief around his neck, just as a matter of principle — but he does look better than usual. Like I have an agreement with my employer that whenever I run a photo of something that might be offensive, I have to run it after the jump, and not on the main page. And normally whenever there’s a photo of Marc Anthony I think, “You know, I should run this after the jump,” but, today, Marc Anthony looks human enough that he gets to be on the main page. Congrats, Marc!

[Image via Splash]

April 14, 2008 at 11:19 pm by Evil Beet

5Ivana’s Wedding: The Photos

Ivana Trump Wedding Pictures, Photos

I’ve only been able to get my hands on one photo from the actual wedding (shown above), but Robin Leach, of all people, was permitted to take some photos of the pre-wedding celebration. Those are below.

Bridgitte Neilsen Ivana Trump Wedding Pictures, Photos Ivanka and Grandmother, Ivana Trump Wedding Pictures, Photos Ivana Trump Wedding Pictures, Photos

April 14, 2008 at 11:00 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Ivana Trump