Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Who Are You and What Have You Done with Anna Faris?

Anna Faris Totally Had Plastic Surgery on Her Face, Comparison Photos

Anna Faris Totally Had Plastic Surgery on Her Face, Comparison Pictures

Miss Anna Faris, one of my favorite little-seen starlets, showed up at the premiere of We Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry looking like, well, not like Anna Faris. Ms. Faris filed for divorce in early April, but it appears the new face predates that. Looking through the WireImage archives, it would seem the new face debuted at Sundance in January — the last photo of the old face is from November 2006. I can’t even quite pinpoint what she had done, but she looks like a totally different person, and it kinda bums me out, because she had such an adorable, unique look before. Now she just kind of looks like a standard-issue starlet. Boring.

Update: Okay, based on comments from here and ONTD, here’s what I think changed:

1) Obviously, hair, make-up and darker eyebrows. Or maybe she’s just using a new hair dryer.
2) Bridge of the nose is smaller.
3) Chin’s been smoothed out a little.
4) Collagen injections in her lips.
5) Probably the ears, although I’m not 100% sure on that one.
6) Super-blue contacts, ala Paris Hilton. :(

Links Links Links

Um, top 10 celebrity boobs, brought to you by a couple of gay dudes. And, predictably, they are perfect. [LA Rag Mag]

Kevin Federline’s dating a DJ, so I guess he found someone whose voice is heard on the radio more often than Britney’s these days. [Allie]

Hey! Guess what? Kim Kardashian’s ass? Still huge. [Holy Candy]

A photog gets his ass kicked outside the ESPY awards. That’s what you get for fucking with Rumer Willis, people. [Celebrity Smack]

Sobriety is certainly not going stop Courtney Love from trashing a hotel room. Just like it hasn’t stopped Britney Spears from drinking alcohol. [SOW]

It’s that time of month again, kids: rumors of Paula Abdul getting the boot at AI have hit the web. [Agent Bedhead]

Dude, if Miss New Jersey loses her crown over these retarded pictures, I will officially lose all respect for beauty pageants … oh, wait. [GTS]

Greatest. Ad Campaign. Ever. I’m thinking Hillary Clinton should hire these guys pronto. [Flisted]

Ivanka Trump’s all like, “I’m way too good for The View. I mean, do you people even know how smart I am?” [Cele|bitchy]

Um, Did Anyone Else Notice That TMZ Called Queen Latifah a Carpet-Muncher?

Queen Latifah is Totally a Lesbian

I just had to point this out to anyone who missed it, because I laughed for like an hour over this.

TMZ’s a division of AOL/Time Warner, which has, you know, assets and stuff, so they can’t exactly go around calling people big ole dykes, but they want you to know they know exactly what Queen Latifah’s doing with her free time.

Her heinieness was seen power-walking in faaaaaaaabulous West Hollywood yesterday, with her perky lil’ trainer/galpal.

Her majesty ate up the red carpet yesterday at the preem of “Hairspray” yesterday.

Genius!

Paris Hilton is Advocating for the Disenfranchised American Underclass so as to Reduce Jail Recidivism Out Drinking

Paris Hilton Gets Home at 5 am, Out Drinking After Jail, Pictures and Photos

Our paparazzi pals over at Buzz Foto send over these shots of Paris decabbing at her Hollywood Hills home, which they took at five o’clock this morning. Paris looks less than sober, but, hey, at least she wasn’t driving.

It would be nice if she could just pretend to make good on any of those promises she made about, you know, giving back to society in any substantive way whatsoever. Just go through the motions, Par. Just for a month. Is that really so much to ask?

paris_cab2.jpg Paris Hilton in a Cab Getting Home at 5 o’clock in the morning Paris Hilton in a Taxi Getting Home at 5 o’clock in the morning

The Only Thing Fake About Jessica Simpson is her Celebrity

Does Jessica Simpson Have Fake Boobs?

I am notoriously horrible at picking out fake breasts. I can tell in the case of someone like Kendra, because those monsters defy all the laws of physics, but in the case of Jessica Simpson… I don’t know. Are they real? Are they fake? I’d guess real, the photo here is older, but it’s the most boobalicious shot I could find.

Simpson tells fashion designer pal Michael Kors, who writes about her in the August issue of Harper’s Bazaar, on newsstands July 24… “my boobs are real.”

Ok, fair enough. That’s not really the fun part though… here’s the fun part.

As for whether she prefers singing or acting, Simpson says, “In my music career, there have been moments of failure, and with acting, I haven’t had that yet. But music is opening up my heart and every emotion inside of me.”

Um… What?? She hasn’t had acting failures? Who amongst us has seen Employee of the Month? Who thought, regarding The Dukes of Hazzard, “Wow, this is something special.” The answers are: No one. And no one. She truly hasn’t had anything even resembling success yet in her acting career. If we defined success as “the planet Mars” the you’d have to say her career so far has been “shitty.” Hmm, that may be a poor analogy. But you get the idea – which is basically “does not compute.”

Perhaps she’s crazy. Or maybe her Ex hitting it from the back with that Vanessa chick in a hot tub got to her. Whatever the case I hope that interviewer did a 70′s style spit take when she said that.

Also, her sister got an entirely new face.

PS- If you missed me during my sabbatical I apologize. I went out into the celebrity forest and found out what was truly important to me: and that was being a real class A jerk-off.

Honestly, People, How Many Britney-Has-a-New-Man Stories Do I Have to Write Each Month?

Britney Spears is Dating Her Bodyguard Damon

I wrote one less than a week ago. About Britney’s one and only true love, her drug counselor, John Sundahl, who credits Britney’s love with keeping him alive through his recent bowel surgery. And if that kind of love can’t last, I don’t know what hope this new guy has.

For anyone who’s keeping tabs, it’s her bodyguard. His name’s Damon, and apparently he’s been playing daddy to her boys and taking her to plays and going with her to church and blah blah blah gag me. If you must know:

On Sunday, he attended church services with the singer and her two sons. Damon carried Sean, 22 months, into the church (while Mom held a sleeping Jayden, 10 months) and then comforted the toddler when he started crying.

The prayer session capped off a week of wining and dining for the pair, including a July 4 candlelit dinner at the Four Seasons’ Windows Lounge in L.A., after which, he slept over at her Beverly Hills pad.

On July 5, the pair hit a showing of the musical Wicked (they left after 45 minutes) and, later that evening, drinks at L.A.’s Chateau Marmont hotel, where Spears, 25, giggled and kissed her guy as he affectionately touched her face.

What’s funny to me is that the picture Us Weekly’s running with this story is of Britney and the guy everyone was referring to as John Sundahl last week. I mean, he’s wearing the same damn outfit “John Sundahl” wore in all the pics everyone ran of “Britney’s new man” last week. So I don’t know if everyone was wrong last week, or everyone’s wrong this week, but this guy cannot be both John Sundahl, drug counselor with benefits, and Damon, Mr. Bodyguard extraordinaire.