Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Britney’s Bodyguard: Britney is a REALLY BAD MOM

Alli Sims, Britney Spears and Bodyguard Tony Barretto, Picture, Photo

Ugh, I can’t even deal with all of this (so I don’t know how the hell Britney’s coping), but Britney’s former bodyguard, Tony Barretto, spoke to News of the World about her frightening, drug-addicted behavior. This is after he agreed to testify against Britney in the recent custody hearing. I really don’t understand the legality of this — didn’t Britney make him sign an NDA? I understand that may not prevent him from speaking in court, but shouldn’t it prevent him from speaking to the media? How the hell did she let this happen?

“With her drug and booze issues, her home is no place for children to be raised,” he is quoted as saying. “I am a dad and what I saw shocked me so much that it has forced me to take this measure.”

He talks about Britney partying with Howie Day in a rehab just days after she was released from rehab (Day checked back into rehab soon after) and overdosing on cocaine and crystal meth. “We were panicking,” he says. “We thought she was going to die.”

He talks about how Britney keeps the kids up late so that they’ll sleep through the morning and not wake her up. “She speaks to them in weird, creepy, baby voices, in made-up languages, which they just don’t get. All it does is unsettle, upset and scare them. Often she would scream and cry uncontrollably. Imagine what that is like for young children.”

There’s a lot more there if you wanna read the article yourself.

I always think it’s a riot when News of the World — a British publication — “quotes” American sources.

Here’s what Tony Barretto was “quoted” as saying about Brit’s relationship with K-Fed:

“They would just have massive rows on the phone all the time. She would scream at him, and it would deeply distress her. I saw her throw her mobile out of her car during one of their shouting matches. I never saw mum and dad together with their kids.”

You can hear a video of Barretto talking on their website, and this guy is obviously 100% American. Americans don’t say “row.” They say “fight.” They don’t say “mobile,” they say “cell.” And they don’t say “mum,” they say “mom.” So take this article — and its supposed quotes — with a healthy serving of salt, kids.

Happy Couple?

Djimon Hounsou and Kimora Lee Simmons Leaving Koi, Picture, Photo

Kimora Lee Simmons and boyfriend Djimon Hounsou hurried past the photogs this weekend after leaving Koi.

Kimora recently divorced Russell Simmons, who she’d been dating since she was a teenager.

I don’t know much about this woman, but every time I see her in an interview I’m like “Oh my God that woman is such a pain in the ass.” Maybe Djimon’s just bad-ass enough that she’s nice to him. Anyway, he’s a total hottie, which is the main reason I’m running this pic.

Photo credit: Buzz Foto

The OJ Heist: The Full Story

oj_simpson2.jpg

So I simply can’t be bothered to even read this thing in its entirety, let alone try to summarize it, but I know some of you out there care.

For you special people, the AP has put together a blow-by-blow account of the people and events leading up to OJ Simpson’s most recent arrest.

You can read it here.

Hey George Clooney, You See What Happens When You Get a Girlfriend Who’s Not Me?

George Clooney and Girlfriend Sarah Larson, Pictures, Photos, Kissing

George Clooney Holding Hands with Girlfriend Sarah Larson, Pictures, Photos

From the AP:

George Clooney and a companion were injured on Friday when their motorcycle collided with a car on a narrow road across the Hudson River from New York City.

Clooney suffered a broken rib and scrapes while his passenger, Sarah Larson, broke her foot in the 3:30 p.m. collision. The two were treated at Palisades Medical Center in North Bergen and released.

George was in the NYC area filming Burn After Reading, co-starring Brad Pitt, who’s kind of like his other girlfriend these days.

It’s unclear who was at fault, but it looks like George was trying to pass the car on the right, which is illegal in New Jersey.

Now George Clooney will think twice before he takes up with some no-name tramp other than me.

Hey, Hey, I Wanna Be a Pop Star

This is a pretty ingenious reinvention of Nickelback’s “I Wanna Be a Rock Star.” I laughed out loud.

I think the very best part is the brief shot of Christopher Walken with the “needs more cowbell” quote. People don’t talk about that SNL sketch enough. I’m convinced it’s about the funniest thing that’s ever been on TV. So I’ve included it here, so you can all enjoy it.

Thanks Heidi!