Today's Evil Beet Gossip

This Makes Me Sad

I’ve been a bit despondent with all of this news of Brit Brit’s total collapse. I knew she was always a crazy person but I had a faint hope that she was on an upswing after the past few years.

I found this commercial that was made at the height of her popularity. Remember the hot Pepsi ad that made you want Britney’s body. Well here it is. All we can do is remember the good times…

Jessica Alba is SINGLE!

Jessica Alba Dumps Boyfriend Cash Warren

Jessica Alba is back on the market and ready to be slutty!

The Fantastic Four star has dumped her longtime boyfriend, Cash Warren, reportedly telling him on the phone, “I’m not in love with you anymore.”

A source close to Cash says that it “happened…almost out of nowhere. [Cash] thinks it’s for another guy but doesn’t know….he’s totally devastated. But it was all her.”

Alba, as you may recall, made headlines back in June for professing a laid-back attitude about sex: “I feel like a lot of women try to make it into more,” she said, “so they don’t feel so bad about just wanting to have sex. I don’t really have a problem with just wanting sex. Never have.”

I think I speak for all the men in America when I say: Bring it on, Jess!

I wonder who she’ll end up dating. I think I’d love it if she stole Justin Timberlake away from Jessica Biel. My money’s on that.

Lindsay’s SCRAM Device Went Off Two Hours Before Her Arrest!

Lindsay Lohan’s SCRAM Ankle Bracelet Went Off Two Hours Before Her Arrest

For those of you who were wondering what the hell good was that alcohol-detecting ankle strap Lindsay was wearing prior to her DUI — it looks like it worked, but it needs to come with GPS.

The device did sound — two hours before Lindsay’s arrest — and her lawyer, Blair Berk, was notified. Berk, like the rest of us, knows what happens when alcohol enters Lindsay’s system, so she was desperately, but unsuccessfully, trying to find the starlet in those two hours.

Unfortunately, Lindsay was in custody just two hours later. Once Lindsay consumes alcohol, it doesn’t take long for her to end up in trouble. Linds, that’s why you can’t drink, ever!

What Do People See in Cisco Adler?

Cisco Adler Was Making Out with Paris Hilton at Karaoke Night

This guy must have one hell of a personality, because he’s totally fug, he’s not exactly packing (unless you count his balls — you could pack for a week-long vacation in those things), and yet his band’s fan base seems to start and end with Hollywood It girls. Honestly, does anyone you actually know in real life listen to Whitestarr?

Cisco Adler, the rocker who’s been linked to Mischa Barton and Kim Stewart, finally jumped on the Paris Hilton train this week.

The scariest scene at Guy’s karaoke night on Tuesday wasn’t Paris “singing,” it was her make-out session with ballsy Cisco Adler!

A TMZ spy spotted Hilton and Mischa Barton’s grungy ex-boyfriend kissing all over each other at the club last night, with Paris going so far as to give Adler a little lap dance. Careful of the boys!

When she wasn’t getting randy in the crowd, Paris graced the stage with a rendition of “Bette Davis Eyes,” followed by a medley of her hit “Stars are Blind.”

Morning Links

Woah, wait. You’re telling me there’s drama between Cardinals quarterback/playboy Matt Leinart and his baby mama? [Socialite Life]

Mary Louise Parker’s all like, “Look, guys, I won a fucking Emmy for this shit. And if I want to get butt naked, that’s exactly what I’ll do.” [popbytes]

Dina Lohan: “We are trying to strategically work out our next step.” Are you now? For your ex-husband, that strategic next step was Larry King. I’m sure yours will be Entertainment Tonight. Meanwhile, your daughter’s going to jail. [POTP]

The history of the drunk dial. [College Humor]

Honestly, Matt Dillon, where do you get off being angry at the one paparazzi on the planet who still wants to take your pictures? [Agent Bedhead]

I Guess That Was Luke Wilson’s Real Phone Number

Luke Wilson’s Phone Number, Prank by Johnny Knoxville

From Page Six:

LUKE Wilson had to change his cellphone number this weekend, thanks to an annoying prank by his pal Johnny Knoxville. The “Jackass” star found out Wilson was going to hang out at the Polaroid Beach House in Malibu for the Boost Mobile party Saturday and hired a plane to hover above the place with a banner that read: “Luke Wilson’s phone number 3105000082.” Apparently, it was his real number. It’s now out of service. But Wilson decided not to hang at the beach, probably because he had to deal with all the annoying calls.

Paula Abdul Won’t Be a Brat Anymore

Paula Abdul Fired from Bratz Movie

Remember all that talk about Paula Abdul choreographing the upcoming live-action Bratz movie? I know everyone was excited to watch a group of teenage actresses stumble across stages, burst randomly into tears, do the seal clap and trip over chihuahuas, but it looks like we may not be treated to that. Paula was informed that her services were not actually needed.

PAULA Abdul was fired via e-mail from the live-action movie “Bratz,” as a TV camera re corded her tearful reaction. On this week’s episode of “Hey Paula,” Abdul’s self-aggrandizing reality show on Bravo, the loopy “American Idol” judge is shown crying after she receives a message from real “Bratz” producers telling her that her services are no longer wanted. She had claimed she was the film’s choreographer, costume designer and executive producer. The episode shows perma-victim Abdul screaming, “How can they treat me this way?” Our source said, “Paula was not ever really a part of the movie, and she was a night mare to deal with. There was no way that was going to work.” A rep for Lionsgate said, “We love Paula, and we were sorry the partnership wasn’t able to come together.”

Heh. “Perma-victim.” That’s a really good way to describe Paula Abdul on that show.